I am getting married in March and as expected, I asked my sister to be a BM. She has been very difficult and it's causing a lot of stress. I let her know the dress boutique required an order four months before the wedding. I extended it to 5 because of winter storms, which the boutique recommended. She got very annoyed because she is planning on losing weight and would not be able to fit into the size she ordered in October at the time of the wedding. I told her we had to abide by the policies of the boutique and she was rather rude about it. Then when I showed her the dress, she told me she liked another better.
I've tried to be really patient but she is critical by nature and it's causing a major ripple. I want my wedding day to be peaceful, and I'm not sure what to do. I explained that a bridesmaid is expected to support the bride and not be critical and she told me she won't be fake and would rather be honest.
Would it be horrible of me to ask her not to be a BM? I've seen her create so much stress in weddings and I really don't want to repeat that...my fiance wants her out of the wedding party really bad because he says it's stealing the joy out of the situation. I've tried to calmly handle it and let her be aware of how I felt but she doesn't seem to care. She is also planning a vow renewal service/i.e. full second wedding for three years from now and everytime I talk about the wedding, she talks about her own plans. I politely asked her if she could refrain from talking about it with me while I'm planning my own wedding and she got really mad.
I just am afraid that by the time the wedding got here, we would be ready to kill each other. I would almost rather hurt her feelings a little now and preserve our relationship in the long term. Thoughts?