Moms and Maids

This is me with another pregnant BM post...

And this time I promise I won't write out of emotion. This is more me freaking out! So bridesmaid number two just told me she's pregnant. That leaves me with 2 non pregnant BMs (for now), one that is due 10 days before the wedding, and one due 5 days after!

I already told her that yes, I want her in the wedding if she feels up to it (because she asked me if I still did, and said she understood if I didn't.) And I told her we'd have a chair if needed! She said she plans to be there unless she's in the hospital or like, one day post partum.

My next issue is that she is also my cake maker. I forgot to ask her about it in the excitement of our phone call, and I don't want to just text her and ask because I want her to remain excited and not worry about it. But what do I do? She's doing it as basically our wedding gift, so we haven't budgeted for a cake (other than what we still plan to pay her, which is way less than someone else.) If she makes it to her due date, I'm sure she will make it no problem. I just worry if she will feel up to it otherwise...well, I know her and she will still make it as long as she's not in labor, but there is a small chance she could be.

So I'm half considering seeing if our venue is open to push our wedding either up or back. What do you think? We haven't sent out STDs yet and other than the venue, there's no reason we couldn't move it up...
imageAnniversary

Re: This is me with another pregnant BM post...

  • Call her and say, "I was so excited to hear about the baby, I forgot to discuss the cake with you. Do you think you'll still be up for that?" If she's Yes, done. If she says, No, say, "I totally understand. We'll work something else out. I want you to be as happy and comfortable as possible during this huge transition for you."

    And you can work something else out. You've got at least 6 months if you haven't sent out STDs. You have time to cut back on the meal catering, or cut back on the guest list, or skip paper STDs. You can find the money for a simple cake.

    But if you want to change your date to accomodate these bridesmaids, to make sure they're there, and calm, and happy, that's a totally fine choice, too.
  • You can replan your wedding if you want, but there's no guarantee she'll feel up to making a cake with a newborn crying in the next room and no sleep anymore than she'll feel up to it late in her pregnancy.

    It's your call, but I would tend towards rethinking the dessert instead.  You could do a single decorated layer for show and some simple sheet cake.  You could have a cupcake tree.  You could have a dessert table with no big cake.  You could trim the budget elsewhere to pay for the big cake.  To me, making one of those work would be easier than rescheduling the whole thing.

    And even if she says she's up for it now, it might be good to leave her an out - "Well, let me know how you're feeling when the day gets a bit closer."  Then have a contingency plan already in mind, so in an emergency, you'll already have decided what to do.
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  • Thanks guys. I'm going to talk to her about it in the next couple of days. She has another girl she works with that may be able to be our back up, it just might cost us. There's honestly nothing set in stone/contract yet except for the venue, so there wouldn't be too much involved in terms of "re planning"...would just have to get on my game NOW instead of in February, which is when I have my next trip planned back to Indiana, where the wedding will be.

    I would move it to be earlier. I know there's no guarantee they'd feel up to it two months earlier, but I do think they'd be more likely to than either a few days after birth, or a few days before (or...the day of!) I'm going to sit down and talk it over with FI. It is important to me that they are at least there, even if they aren't standing up there. But, of course, it is their call in the end. I know they both REALLY want to be there, and I'd love to be able to make that (more) possible for all of us.
    imageAnniversary
  • Well, sounds like your head is on straight. Just remember there are no guarantees. Friends of mine missed a wedding because their flights were canceled at the last minute with no weather or strike or bankruptcy issues or any other reason. On the flip side, the pastor my parents really wanted to officiate their wedding insisted he'd be overseas on their date. He ended up attending. It's just life with lots of friends and family, and most of the time it's wonderful. Better than being lonely and miserly like an Ebenezer Scrooge.
  • Do you bridesmaids have to travel? Flying in late pregnancy can be a problem.

    I would see if I could move my date, not because of the cake issue, but to garantee that my best friends are there. If there are two that might miss it because of their pregnancies, well... I'd want them around.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-another-pregnant-bm-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:df8e67b8-56a0-48e7-8dd9-04555911b9caPost:fa6fafa1-3557-4db1-8a90-bd1753853907">Re: This is me with another pregnant BM post...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do you bridesmaids have to travel? Flying in late pregnancy can be a problem. I would see if I could move my date, not because of the cake issue, but to garantee that my best friends are there. If there are two that might miss it because of their pregnancies, well... I'd want them around.
    Posted by Elinetrouwt[/QUOTE]

    No, they do not have to travel. And that's why I am looking to move the date...it's important to me that they're there if at all possible, and I know it's really important to them as well. Hopefully I will know for sure tomorrow if it's moving or not!
    imageAnniversary
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