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BM dress issue

shel2thebshel2theb member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids

Here's my issue...

One of my bridesmaids...who happens to be my FI's sister, has told me multiple times that she is going to call and order her dress (this was almost over a month ago and we were told to have the dresses ordered no later than the middle of January to make sure they arrived on time). The other day I texted her to make sure she called or if there was a problem to let me know. She proceeded to tell me that she was calling the following day. Today I had to call the bridal shop about my dress and while I was on the phone I asked to make sure each girl was able to order their dress, no surprise she was the only one who hadn't. I'm not sure what to do! I understand people get busy but I've already mentioned it to her more than once, not sure how many times I need to remind her. I'm afraid if I say something to her she's going to get mad, although I'm sure this is my only option other then to tell her she can no longer be a part of the wedding, which would cause problems with my FI's family.

Any suggestions on what I should do?

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Re: BM dress issue

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    biz717biz717
    First Comment
    So normally I would say give her a deadline; if she doesn't order it by then, she's removed herself from the wedding. However, since she's FI's sister... Is he closer to her than you are? I only ask because maybe he could feel this one. Families make life hard sometimes. Good luck!
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    shel2thebshel2theb member
    First Comment
    Thanks!

    He is closer to her than I am. He offered to say something to her but I feel like its my responsibility since I chose her to be a BM and to be honest I'm afraid he'll mention it to her in a way that she'll get defensive and in return get upset with me. Let the fun begin I guess!
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    gananoquegananoque
    First Comment
    I think having your fiance mention something is a good idea. Alternatively, if there is another relative who would be right for the job, hand it over to them. Your FMIL? Another one of your fiance's sisters? Another BM who is close with her?

    All you can do is remind her and let her know that you feel bad about being a pest but...
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    FI's sister or not.  I would give her a final deadline to order the dress.  If she doesn't then she has removed herself from the wedding.

    Did you privately ask her for her budget on the dress?  Maybe the dress is too much money for her to spend and that is why she is putting off ordering the dress.
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    RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
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    Normally I say let your FI field problems on his side of the family, but I'm going to assume you're right about the dynamics, and in this case, it wouldn't work.  How is your relationship with FMIL?  Can you feel her out to find out if there is a stressor or complication you don't know about, without it turning into "tattling?"

    Assuming there's no looming family drama, there's no need to treat this much different from any other procrastinating bridesmaid.  

    You almost certainly have more time than the store told you; bridal salons are notorious about pushing bogus deadlines for the sake of a commission or quota.  Start by calling the store again, and pinning them down on a true deadline for guaranteed delivery without rush fees.

    That in hand, call FSIL, and ask how she feels about the dress.  Is she having a problem with price?  Is it unflattering?  Is she uncomfortable in strapless?  If she does volunteer a problem, this is your chance to address it.  If she says the dress is fine, she's just been busy, give her the new date from the salon.  "And of course, if that doesn't work out, we'd still love to have you as a guest."  Then drop the issue.  If she doesn't get it, she has opted out of the wedding party.
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    JulieSherJulieSher
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-dress-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e074878d-7773-4043-bc76-a7bd4b97996aPost:bd767541-13c5-4dbf-874a-b1ec26822c0d">Re: BM dress issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]Normally I say let your FI field problems on his side of the family, but I'm going to assume you're right about the dynamics, and in this case, it wouldn't work.  How is your relationship with FMIL?  Can you feel her out to find out if there is a stressor or complication you don't know about, without it turning into "tattling?" Assuming there's no looming family drama, there's no need to treat this much different from any other procrastinating bridesmaid.   You almost certainly have more time than the store told you; bridal salons are notorious about pushing bogus deadlines for the sake of a commission or quota.  Start by calling the store again, and pinning them down on a true deadline for guaranteed delivery without rush fees. That in hand, call FSIL, and ask how she feels about the dress.  Is she having a problem with price?  Is it unflattering?  Is she uncomfortable in strapless?  If she does volunteer a problem, this is your chance to address it.  If she says the dress is fine, she's just been busy, give her the new date from the salon.  "And of course, if that doesn't work out, we'd still love to have you as a guest."  Then drop the issue.  If she doesn't get it, she has opted out of the wedding party.
    Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

    This. Maybe calling her and asking her these questions will give her another nudge.  You can also tell her that you are worried she will get stuck without a dress. After that, it is up to her.
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    1BabyFritsch1BabyFritsch
    First Comment
    I say make sure she isnt having money trouble. Which is honestly at this point the only reason she would have to not get the dress since she I would assume has had the chance to tell you she did not like/ or feel comfortable in the drress. An then give her a final day to order by and if she hasent ordered by that day let her know she is no longer a part of the wedding party. I know a lot of girls will say you dont have to worry about ordering dresses by the day the salon gives you but take if from me that some times they arent just trying to get your money. A few months ago I was having this issue with my sister everyone told me to just let her order whenever she could not a big deal... UMMMM WRONG! They wouldnt order any of the dresses untill she placed her order or I told them to order without her. She ended up ordering 2 weeks later then the due date and was mad cause they made her pay a rush fee. If I hadent talked them out of it I would have had to pay a rush for the other girls dresses(since I didnt think it was fair for them to pay for it since they ordered on time) and we ordered 7 months out from our wedding date and the dresses probably wont be in till maybe a month before the wedding. An most of the girls need alterations still.  My mom ordered her dress from the same designer and the same place and it took a full 6 months to get.
    I wouldnt take the chance order by the day they tell you.
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-dress-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e074878d-7773-4043-bc76-a7bd4b97996aPost:79eab9ba-a751-4b8d-92ab-d2bb8231ba4e">Re: BM dress issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]I say make sure she isnt having money trouble. Which is honestly at this point the only reason she would have to not get the dress since she I would assume has had the chance to tell you she did not like/ or feel comfortable in the drress. An then give her a final day to order by and if she hasent ordered by that day let her know she is no longer a part of the wedding party. I know a lot of girls will say you dont have to worry about ordering dresses by the day the salon gives you but take if from me that some times they arent just trying to get your money. A few months ago I was having this issue with my sister everyone told me to just let her order whenever she could not a big deal... UMMMM WRONG! They wouldnt order any of the dresses untill she placed her order or I told them to order without her. She ended up ordering 2 weeks later then the due date and was mad cause they made her pay a rush fee. If I hadent talked them out of it I would have had to pay a rush for the other girls dresses(since I didnt think it was fair for them to pay for it since they ordered on time) and we ordered 7 months out from our wedding date and the dresses probably wont be in till maybe a month before the wedding. An most of the girls need alterations still.  My mom ordered her dress from the same designer and the same place and it took a full 6 months to get. I wouldnt take the chance order by the day they tell you.
    Posted by 1BabyFritsch[/QUOTE]
    Sounds like it worked out fine, so what is your concern exactly?  Why didn't you just tell them to order without her order?  There's really no reason for any of this to be a big deal.  Don't bundle her order with the others, if they're bundling, and then it's on her to order on time or pay the rush fee.  You have no idea if it'll take a full 6 months to get the dress, and even at that they'll still come in a month before the wedding, which is plenty of time to get them altered.  The advice you got from the board was just fine.



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    1BabyFritsch1BabyFritsch
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-dress-issue-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e074878d-7773-4043-bc76-a7bd4b97996aPost:56557449-7658-49d3-8296-8c622a8b661f">Re: BM dress issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM dress issue : Sounds like it worked out fine, so what is your concern exactly?  Why didn't you just tell them to order without her order?  There's really no reason for any of this to be a big deal.  Don't bundle her order with the others, if they're bundling, and then it's on her to order on time or pay the rush fee.  You have no idea if it'll take a full 6 months to get the dress, and even at that they'll still come in a month before the wedding, which is plenty of time to get them altered.  The advice you got from the board was just fine.
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    No the advice was pretty bad considering they wouldnt order just one dress seperate because of dye lot diffrences, and then I almost had to pay 200+ in rush fees since by 1 BM wouldnt get hers done. I have been told they will take at LEAST 6 months to come in and I beleive this because my mom ordered a dress from the same company and the same store and it took the full time they had told us it would take to come in.
    I am just advising the person to not push back her order to far so she dosent run into these issues also. Some places my not be so nice about the fees or she may end up not gettting them on time. Also because now I have about 4 weeks for the women who is altering the dresses to do 3 BM dresses and a flower girl dress. That is a lot of work and I will be moslt likely be paying extra for her to work that fast(this is coming from her)if they dont come in at least 6 weeks prior to the wedding.
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