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Pregnant Bridesmaid

Care6582Care6582
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in Moms and Maids
My fiance and I are getting married January 28, 2012. One of our bridesmaids (and a very close life long friend of mine) recently found out that she is pregnant and due on or around January 9th, 2012.

I am beyond ecstatic for her and her husband, and can't wait to welcome their new little life with open arms. She and I talked about it and agreed to play it by ear and see how her pregnancy goes, and see if she wants to still be in the wedding when the time comes.

As the news is shared with other friends and family members, they act like I should ask her not to be in the wedding, or that she should volunteer to step down. A few even seem to imply that I should be angry or hurt that her due date is so close to our wedding... and think it's strange that I'm not. As far as my fiance and I are concerned, the decision is hers, but we will have no hard feelings if a wedding is too much for a brand new mom (or super pregnant mom to be) to deal with, but if she's up for it, we won't vote her out.

I think we can wait and see what happens... how should I tell our "helpful" friends that it isn't their business? And is it okay to have her wait and see if she'd like to participate?
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Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid

  • 8daysaweek8daysaweek member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just tell them again how thrilled you are for your friend and change the subject (often referred to as bean dipping on the boards).

    "I asked her to be a bridesmaid because I love her and she's my friend; her pregnancy doesn't change that. I'm thrilled for her. Have you tried this bean dip? It's delicious."
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  • bstentbstent member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm in (possibly) the same situation, with two bridesmaids planning/considering a pregnancy in the coming year. I asked the girls to be my bridesmaids based on my close relationships with them, and I assume you did the same. Asking them to step down never crossed my mind because I would never replace them with anyone else even if they were unable to be bridesmaids, they're irreplaceable! I think you have a great attitude, and I have the same one. If they can be in my wedding I will be honoured and so happy to have them stand up with me, if they are unable to stand up with me I will miss them but will be so happy for the new additions to their families. I would never ever expect someone to plan a major life event such as a pregnancy around my wedding! And it's crazy that some people think that way.
    When people react that way, smile and tell them that you love her, she's irreplaceable as a friend AND as a bridesmaid, and that you can't wait to meet her little one.
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  • GeauxTigers17GeauxTigers17 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Is it older people asking you this? My mom thinks pregnant bridesmaids are really odd (and my grandmother thinks it's just plain "not done") because it's just how things were for them - if you were asked to be in a wedding and got pregnant, you dropped out. So it might not be a malicious thing at all - may just be some generational confusion. As far as the wording for responses, I think PP's have it covered. 
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I definitely think the ball should be in her court on this since pregnancies can be unpredictable, and as far as people thinking it's weird that you're not upset about it-I guess just say that you're happy for your friend :-)


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  • blahblah85blahblah85
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-bridesmaid-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f010adec-432e-4594-b334-c1a1da3f0371Post:09a9fa7a-8ffa-40be-b261-8b8642dd6f23">Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]"My goodness! I thought pregnancy was a natural consequence of marriage! Of course I wouldn't kick a FRIEND out of my wedding because she's expecting a baby. What kind of person would that make me? It never even occurred to me that someone would do this." That will shut them up.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    "Oh....you mean my BM should put her life on hold for the next year so she'll look cute in a BM's dress?!  That never dawned on me!  Wow, she IS being rude!  I'll go call that horrible pregnant woman right now!"  I'd be a smart-butt.  Older people who use their age as an excuse to be rude annoy me.

    Also-They have super cute maternity BM dresses out there!
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Bahahahahaha! Love Retread and blahblah's responses. Go with one of those.
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  • StacyJennigesStacyJenniges
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm in a simular situation my MOH is due 3 weeks before the wedding, she is still in my wedding, as she knows her DR will not let her go over a week, and her parents live near the place of the wedding, and they are invited. 

    For the people thinking that way, tell them that you are very excited and happy for her, and that if having a new born and being in your wedding doesn't cause unneeded stress on your Friend that you want her in your wedding. 
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    "Also-They have super cute maternity BM dresses out there!"

    Yes!  Some of them are way cuter than regular BM dresses!  I think pregnant bellies are so adorable and I'd be ecstatic if one of my BMs were pregnant.

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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Man, I knew there was something dreadfully wrong at my nephew's wedding last Friday.  There was just somethng not right and I was quite certain the wedding was basically ruined.  Oh wait, I know - it was that dreadful pregnant BM! 

    Good for you for having the right focus on your friend.
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  • midgetthemightymidgetthemighty
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The people making those comments are being super rude. I'm glad you're able to have the correct attitude about this wonderful life event! Several of my bridesmaids could be pregnant by next June and I would be super excited for them if they were.
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  • ADTonkADTonk
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-bridesmaid-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f010adec-432e-4594-b334-c1a1da3f0371Post:a998baf0-c8f2-4342-8288-b656377d6ebb">Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just tell them again how thrilled you are for your friend and change the subject (often referred to as bean dipping on the boards). "I asked her to be a bridesmaid because I love her and she's my friend; her pregnancy doesn't change that. I'm thrilled for her. Have you tried this bean dip? It's delicious."
    Posted by 8daysaweek[/QUOTE]

    This.  I'd even throw in a little "That would be very bridezilla-ish of me to ask her not to be in the wedding just because of the baby."

    But that's just me ;)
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  • Care6582Care6582
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies! So far so good...  I love the bean dip response, so clever :)
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