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real life bride war

pietr2ampietr2am member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids

I should so happy for my cousin.  I WAS so happy for her.  After all, we are and have always been very close.  We have always been like sisters to each other.  She will stand up for me as MOH on my wedding day (spring 2011).  When her boyfriend of 4 years proposed to her a few days ago, it wasn't a surprise that she asked me to be her MOH.  I was very excited until she told me the date she was thinking of.  For some reason she feels that it is okay to plan her wedding for TWO WEEKS after mine.  It is really hard to express my frustration.  my fiance helped me form my feelings into an analogy.  I feel like I just built my dream house on a vast open country side, and my dear cousin decided to build her dream house four feet from mine.  She could have built her house ANYWHERE...why so close to mine...  I have been planning my wedding for so long.  My fiance and i have been together for 8 years, and i feel that we deserve a wedding that is all our own.  I hate more than anything to sound selfish....but I don't want to share my wedding.  I am really having a hard time sorting out my feelings.  I don't feel that I could ever share my feelings with my cousin, or anyone else for that matter. Am I supposed to stand up for her with a smile on my face but an angry heart?  Any advice???

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Re: real life bride war

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    LauriacLauriac
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You get ONE DAY. Not a year. Not a month. Not even a week. ONE DAY.

    And your wedding will still be your own. It will be at a different venue, with different food and a different band/DJ etc with different colors and different bridesmaids dresses.

    So stop dwelling on it.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_real-life-bride-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fd0872f3-deca-440f-9eea-a274ddd19674Post:2157d69d-978e-4588-bb86-73345f8a42e2">real life bride war</a>:
    [QUOTE]I should so happy for my cousin.  I WAS so happy for her.  After all, we are and have always been very close.  We have always been like sisters to each other.  She will stand up for me as MOH on my wedding day (spring 2011).  When her boyfriend of 4 years proposed to her a few days ago, it wasn't a surprise that she asked me to be her MOH.  I was very excited until she told me the date she was thinking of.  For some reason she feels that it is okay to plan her wedding for TWO WEEKS after mine.  It is really hard to express my frustration.  my fiance helped me form my feelings into an analogy.  I feel like I just built my dream house on a vast open country side, and my dear cousin decided to build her dream house four feet from mine.  She could have built her house ANYWHERE...why so close to mine...  I have been planning my wedding for so long.  My fiance and i have been together for 8 years, and i feel that we deserve a wedding that is all our own.  I hate more than anything to sound selfish....but I don't want to share my wedding.  I am really having a hard time sorting out my feelings.  I don't feel that I could ever share my feelings with my cousin, or anyone else for that matter. Am I supposed to stand up for her with a smile on my face but an angry heart?  Any advice???
    Posted by pietr2am[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sorry, but you only get one and only one day and that is your wedding day. Depending on what month your wedding is from June-September (even October now) are busy wedding months. There could be a very good reason why she had to pick a date 2 weeks after yours, maybe a certain vendor (photography, location, etc) had only that date available, you can't take her decision of picking be a slight to you. Try to get the selfish bug that has hit you off because you are only ruining the wedding experience for yourself (and possibly others). Woman up, and get over the initial shock of her date and move on with your plans. You will feel a lot better just letting go of these small things and look forward into talking to your cousin about wedding stuff. </div>
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    You will still have your wedding DAY.  That's all you get dear.  If she were getting married the next day, you would still have your day.

    Yes, you are supposed to stand up for her with a smile on your face.  I don't understand why you are suddenly not happy for her because she picked a date close to yours.  Did you ever consider that dates book up fast and this was the only date for that time of year that was available for her?  You obviously wanted to be married at this particular time of year so why hold it against your cousin for doing the same?

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    But you are getting your wedding day.  Aren't you?  What I suspect you're looking for here is validation:  "OMG, what a Meanie McMeanerson!  How could she plan a wedding for 2 weeks after yours!  She's so wrong!!"

    BUT:  you're not going to get that from me.  You're getting your wedding.  You're getting your rehearsal.  At the end of ceremony, you'll have accomplished what you wanted to accomplish:  you'll be married to the man you love.  Her wedding date changed NONE of that~not a single thing.

    So let this go.  You're only going to come off as whiny and petulant if you say this anywhere but here.  And whiny and petulant aren't attractive qualities in anyone.

    Take a step back and realize that this is so completely not a big deal.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yup, ditto the others.  You get one day.  SSIL got married six weeks after us, and SBIL got married six weeks after hers.  They were three completely different events, and they all turned out fine.  (Well, the last one was kind of a disaster, but that had nothing remotely to do with the other two.)

    I could understand being a little miffed if she chose to get married on the same weekend as you.  But two weeks before?  Get over yourself.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    aerin:  it isn't even two weeks BEFORE.  It's two weeks after her wedding.

    OP:  aerin's situation is similar to my DD's.  Her cousin was married.  Exactly 3 weeks laters my mom (grandma of niece and my DD) died.  Exactly 3 weeks after that was DD's wedding.

    And just to point out, although DD set her date first, she didn't whine or b!tch about her cousin getting married 6 weeks before she did.

    Our families handled the busy experience of 3 big family events without incident.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're going to have to try and be mature about this.  It's not like she planned her wedding on the same day or even weekend that your wedding is on.  Once your wedding is over that's it.  It's done.  Be a grown up and be happy that you and your cousin get to share this time together as, I hope, happily engaged women.

    ETA: If you keep letting this bother you you're going to have a miserable engagement and probably end up resenting your cousin over something that's really not a big deal.  Ask yourself, is it worth it?
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    Cattm42Cattm42 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You should look at this as a good thing, now you have someone that will be just as excited to talk wedding stuff as you are. Share the joy, have fun with it!
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    suz62984suz62984
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I disagree with all the people saying you get ONE DAY!!! The wedding is only 5-6 hours. YOU GET 5-6 HOURS!!! That's it! 

    The house in the vast country side is governed by rules and property lines. There are no rules about wedding dates. You can't purchase the rights to your wedding day and surrounding days. Don't worry about it. You planned the day that you wanted so let her plan the day that she wants. Also, are you going on a honeymoon. Will you be back? Just wondering.

    PS- Yes, this happened to me and no, it isn't a big deal. You and your cousin are getting married...YAY!
    Anniversary
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    "I don't feel that I could ever share my feelings with my cousin, or anyone else for that matter. Am I supposed to stand up for her with a smile on my face but an angry heart?  Any advice???"pietr2am

    That's good that you aren't going to share your feeling with your family members, because you would only come off looking like a bridezilla. Your cousin has the same right as you do, to choose a wedding date that works for her. This does not, in any way, take anything away from you.
     
    You are supposed to stand up for your cousin with a smile on your face and JOY in your heart. Don't you expect the same of her? This could be a very happy and exciting time for you, your cousin and your families, if you let it.
                       
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    awolfe2awolfe2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unless you were planning on going on a honeymoon during that time I don't see any problem whatsoever (and from what you said it doesn't sound like that's the case).
    My FI and I are getting married next Aug. Four of his cousins are getting married within 6 weeks of our wedding. I coudln't be happier for every single one of them.
    Only one of the cousins has put up a stink about it. Lets just say people are more than a little sick of hearing her whine about it.
    If you bring this up, YOU will be in the wrong, and no one else.
    Think of it this way, you won't have to go out for the garter toss because you will no longer be a "single" girl. Woo hoo!
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_real-life-bride-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fd0872f3-deca-440f-9eea-a274ddd19674Post:fb547a9f-4e4b-4d73-8b3d-7768270d74ee">Re: real life bride war</a>:
    [QUOTE]I disagree with all the people saying you get ONE DAY!!! The wedding is only 5-6 hours. YOU GET 5-6 HOURS!!! That's it! 
    Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]
    Well, the party's only 5-6 hours, but the wedding usually occupies everyone for the whole day.  If, say, the OP's cousin was getting married in the morning and OP was getting married in the evening of the same day, she'd probably miss most of the other wedding getting ready for her own.  I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for the one day.  (We joked that SSIL should just get married while we were all in Vegas, but all we asked is that she wait until after ours.  Then we got back from our honeymoon and they announced they were getting married in a month...)  But that one day is all you get.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry honey...all of them are right. If you REALLY do love her as much as you say, you will let it go.  It's time to put on the big girl panties and deal.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yep, why on earth would you call it a bride war?  I get the reference to the movie, but for the love of god she's not getting married on the same day!  I suggest that you try and be happy for your cousin whom you say is so important to you.
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    monique026monique026
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with her. I get you feel like she's stealing your thunder a little, but at least she scheduled hers for after, not before. it will be okay :)
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_real-life-bride-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fd0872f3-deca-440f-9eea-a274ddd19674Post:75c8cb23-5cf4-4b70-981d-f163ac8edcc7">Re: real life bride war</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should look at this as a good thing, now you have someone that will be just as excited to talk wedding stuff as you are. Share the joy, have fun with it!
    Posted by Cattm42[/QUOTE]
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the above comments. You get one day and that's it.
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    jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with all PPs. Enjoy the fact that you can gush about wedding stuff WITH her in all its girly glory.

    At least it's not the same weekend or day, so it really isn't a big deal AND it's not like she picked a date before yours.
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    CTGirl30CTGirl30
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Stop being so melodramatic - this isn't a bride war like the movie.

    Enjoy your wedding DAY when the time comes and yes, you should expect to stand up for your cousin with a smile on your face and happiness in your heart for her (why on earth would you have anger in your heart? This is a family member. She's standing up for you 2 weeks before her own wedding, no? So is she supposed to be standing there angry that you're doing everything first? See how silly that would be?.)

    Bottom line - grow up. Enjoy your wedding planning and be happy for your cousin. You two can share the excitement of planning together since you're both on a similar timeline....or, you can be hateful and petty. The choice is yours.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The only issue I see is to be sure that you're home from your honeymoon by the time her wedding is there. Also, you could always change YOUR wedding date if it bugs you THAT bad :)
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    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    What everyone else said.  Plus:  Why do you think you are being expected to share your wedding?  If that was the case she would be getting married on the same day as you, at the same venue as you, having the same reception as you, and the same guests as you.  Your house analogy doesn't work, because if you don't own the land 4 feet from your house then she can build her house there.  Since you didn't book up every possible wedding venue/vendor for a period of several weeks around your wedding she gets to hold her wedding then.  I have no idea what you are like IRL but on this post you are coming across as a selfish spoiled brat.
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    joiner521joiner521
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Get over yourself. At least she did not do it the day after. The month does not belong to you.
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    pietr2ampietr2am member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You are all very right.  Thanks for setting me in my place before I made an ass out of myself.
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    lharri12lharri12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OP: Good for you for taking the advice. And good advice it was.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Trust me, we are here to help. I'm very glad that you conquered the "wedding crazies". I hope you and your cousin have fun with wedding planning.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    pietre:  **standing ovation** for you.  come back and play often.  I like you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    CTGirl30CTGirl30
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_real-life-bride-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fd0872f3-deca-440f-9eea-a274ddd19674Post:98e4484a-ba2d-4c22-b483-445839e6a9c0">Re: real life bride war</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are all very right.  Thanks for setting me in my place before I made an ass out of myself.
    Posted by pietr2am[/QUOTE]

    OP, very glad to see your followup post. Sometimes wedding planning gets the best of people, but I'm happy to see that you realized that and had a change of heart here.

    <em>Enjoy</em> your planning!
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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    jwang517jwang517 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    this isn't a bride war... if you watched the movie and remember it correctly, at first, the two brides wanted to have the wedding in June but a couple of weeks apart... until, the secretary of the wedding planner screw up the dates...

    same month? not a problem. same day? that's the problem. why would you so worried about it? are you worried that she will be copying you on everything (color, theme, location)? or that people will compare the two weddings? or that you can't both fully work on each other's wedding towards the end?

    chill out. this isn't the end of the world... me, being a spoiled only child in the family who always gets what i want, including everything about the wedding (venue, florist, deco, dress, shoes etc), i don't even think this is as a big of deal as you think it is... and if that happens to me? no big deal. i have a friend who's asking every details about my wedding, and decide to use a couple on hers, including dresses ideas (im gettting a long dress and then tea length) which is probably the most important for every bride. and guess what? im fine with it too! :) i did'nt go around and getting upset... funny that FI is the one who's more upset than me :P
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    jwang:  please read follow up posts before you post.  If you had, you'd have realized that pietr had said 5 posts before yours that she overreacted and thanked everyone for their advice.  =)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Pietra, best wishes to you and your cousin. I'll bet the two of you will have lots of fun planning your weddings together.
                       
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    pietr2ampietr2am member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey jwang...yeah...I never actually watched the movie.  It seemed kind of like a waste of time.  I am glad you enjoyed it though.  But answer me this...would have anyone responded to my post if I would have named it "spat with cousin" or something equally lame.  NO!!  Sure I may have over-dramatized my post to get some honest feedback.  Oh well...it worked...thanks again ladies...
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