ADVICE - period on wedding night?!?

chrissydv

I need advice!

The wedding is a few months away and my cycle has been shorter than usual lately- and it looks like the day we picked so carefully might now be the first day of my period! Ugh!

But the thing is that FI and I have been waiting till the wedding night- and we REALLY don't want to wait any longer- and now I'm worried that it will be painful/gross/awkward... any advice for a first-timer? Is there anything I can do?

Ps- I'm not on the pill, so that's not an option to try to move when I'll get my period.

pulga131

Not that its any of my business but why are you not on the pill?  If you dont want to have children right away... the pill would def help with that.  Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs though - so I'm not trying to convince you to be on it if you are against it.  My recommendation would have been to take the pill and take it continuously so you wont have your period that month (skip the inactive week and keep going with the active weeks).  I have severe adenomyosis/endometriosis and my gyno has me taking the pill continuously- I never have periods.  It's wonderful!

Thats great that you are waiting until your wedding night.  Hopefully mother nature will cooperate.  Unfortunately- I don't think there is anything else you can do other than change your wedding date. =(  

Good Luck

nymphadora5658

If you do not believe in the pill to help alter your cycle I would be preparing yourself for the possibility of having your first time while your menstruating.  I would check out some websites like cosmo for some tips you could use in the shower.  That will help keep things a little cleaner and less awkward plus it is a very intimate setting.  But as pulga131 said the best way to help alter your cycle is with the pill.  Good Luck!

khornack

Honestly, just bring a dark colored towel to throw on the bed. Dim lighting and shower afterwards. If you two are waiting, I would be so excited that I don't think it would matter on my wedding night.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-beauty_advice-period-wedding-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:358Discussion:f57735d2-d62d-4afd-8d78-6dc7669d2d9dPost:44577db1-57f2-4b8b-ad0d-acfdbfd92851">Re: ADVICE - period on wedding night?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, just bring a dark colored towel to throw on the bed. Dim lighting and shower afterwards. If you two are waiting, I would be so excited that I don't think it would matter on my wedding night.
Posted by khornack[/QUOTE]
This for sure.

pooh8402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-beauty_advice-period-wedding-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:358Discussion:f57735d2-d62d-4afd-8d78-6dc7669d2d9dPost:44577db1-57f2-4b8b-ad0d-acfdbfd92851">Re: ADVICE - period on wedding night?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, just bring a dark colored towel to throw on the bed. Dim lighting and shower afterwards. If you two are waiting, I would be so excited that I don't think it would matter on my wedding night.
Posted by khornack[/QUOTE]
this. and it will probably smell, but you'll have to ignore that. I'm also curious about why you're not on the pill, but that's really not any of our business.

let me just give a word of caution: if your method of birth control will be the pull-out method, it doesn't work. it only has a 50% chance of preventing pregnancy. so every time you have sex and use the pull out method, you have a 1 in 2 chance of getting pregnant.  like I said, I don't know if this is your choice or not, but just wanted to put it out there.

knj92107

Maybe she's not on the pill because hormonal birth control doesn't agree with everyone?  Maybe she plans on using condoms? 

OP - if your wedding is in a few months, I wouldn't recommend getting on bc pills now anyway.  It took me going through probably 2-3 different kinds before finding one that agreed with me (being on each for 3 months).  This may not happen to you but not every kind agrees with everyone and you don't want take the chance of being some kind of hormonal, nauseous, migraine-having mess for your wedding if it doesn't agree with you.  Besides, not everyone can skip their period with pills anyway.  When I try to do that, it makes me spot all month and its horrible.  None of this is  a good idea to try 3-4 months before your wedding, imo.

I'll be honest with you - on the first few days of my period, it is painful for me to have sex.  That said, if you feel ok, go for it (with dark towel as recommended!)  If not, don't put pressure on yourself to do it that night. Chances are, you're going to be really tired/worn out from all the excitement anyway.  Maybe just do some other stuff and save the first time stuff for another night.

JoyMatt424

A friend of mine recently got married and this happened to her! They did it in the shower, and apparently it was nice regardless, because they waited as well. If that happened to me, I would do the same thing. I'm not on the pill either. I am charting/temping to measure out fertile/infertile days. I've got 5 fertile days in my month where we have to use condoms and the rest is history and we don't need protection. This method has been working for a while now, and I have friends who have been using this method to avoid being pregs for over 3 years now. The pill unless otherwise needed for a medical reason can really mess with your body! It really is personal preference though, some people would much prefer to rely on HBC.

somebuddiesgettingmarried

First off- I think it's great you and your honey have waited. That's a personal choice and even though I didn't make it, I celebrate people who do. 

In my honest opinion: I think it's something you should discuss with your FI and find out where he stands on it. I'm not into having sex on my period but my FI doesn't mind either way. My first day period flow is typically quite light. So- if your honey is ok with it, then I'd say go for it. Many people tell me that sex on a period is very good. 

(You didn't say whether or not it's your first time altogether or just first time with your FI but if it IS your first time, there could be a little blood anyway.)

You can put a towel down or even make love in the shower or bath as this would definitely reduce the "mess". Stress could even make your cycle a little wonky which means you may not have it at all. 

Finally- and I know you said you didn't want to wait any longer but if you decide to NOT do it, look at it from the perspective of- you waited this long. What will a few more days hurt?! 

Good luck and congrats on your marriage! xoxoxo 

megoguen

There will be many firsts, this will be one of them. It is embarassing but it will happen again, and again... I would talk to him about it ahead of time as well, "give him a heads up." Make sure he knows what to expect, and maybe seem (and I'm sure you will be) super, duper, embarassed about it. It will turn his attention from what could be to assuring you. Just another way to look at it.

felkels

I have been on a period since March...yes the same one consistantly.  I got an IUD in May, and am still on it (now it could be a side effect of the IUD), and am going throug the same thing though.  We are waiting until our wedding night, and I am not likely going to be done bleeding as our wedding is 8 days away!...that could be months still.  I am on the IUD for other reasons (to eventually control the 3-5 month periods so more than just a birth control reason). 
I was on birth control pills for a while, and although they did control my periods, they made me miserable, depressed, and have thoughts of suicide...so I respect you for not being on them...whatever your reasons.  I have been on them more for the medical reasons than the birth control ones to this point...
He knows I am really nervous about this, and he went and did some research on his own because he didn't know if you could have intercourse on your period, and came to me saying that it was possible (which I did know).  He told me that he would wait as long as it takes for me to be comfortable or stop bleeding, but he is comfortable if I am still bleeding that night.  I am pretty self concious about it, but I think I am going with the shower and dark towel methods...I have waited my entire life for my one wedding night, and I am not going to let whatever in the heck is going on with me ruin it...when it could be stress related from planning the wedding practically by myself anyway!  Many brides plan their weddings around their cycles, and wind up on them anyway, because of the stress...and sometimes the stress keeps it away awhile...maybe that could be the case with you! 
Good Luck! 

t.kaufman

Personally, I never have sex while I'm on my period. And I certainly wouldn't have sex for the first time while on my period. You're going to be awkward and uncomfortable anyhow - why make it worse?! You either need to get on the pill to regulate your cycle, hope that mother nature agrees with you, or wait past your wedding night. one more week certainly won't kill you. Do you want your first time to be kind of disgusting? plus, especially for your first time, you need plenty of foreplay. Is your man willing to foreplay with you whie you are bleeding? You both might find this to be kind of nasty.

In addition, if you are withholding sex because of religious reasons... doesn't the bible also say that you are "unclean" during your period?

luckyme502

If the wedding is a few months away and your periods aren't regular, you say they are getting shorter, maybe you won't have your period for your wedding night.  That being said, if I take high doses of Aleve, I can stop my period.  As soon as it starts, I take 2 and then take 2 every 12 hours.  I have used this method about five times, and it has worked every time.  It worked for my SIL, but not for a friend of mine.  It's worth a shot. 

lharri12

Try the pill.  I don't think there's any other way to alter the timing of your cycle.

arwo

Try "Instead" menstrual cups instead of tampons or menstrual pads, if you don't mind using a product that needs to be inserted. Like a tampon, once the cup is inserted, you won't know it's there--and unlike a tampon, your husband WON'T notice that it's there!

http://www.softcup.com/

I used them for the first year or two that I dated my FI; during that time, he never knew when I had my period. They do take a bit of getting used to, so if you decide to go with this method, be sure to practice inserting and removing them before your wedding night.

nymphadora5658

A lot of woman say that intercourse during your cycle is the best they've ever had!  It might be awkward at first but you have been waiting so very long no matter what is going on it will be a very special night for you and your soon to be husband.  I wish you all the best of luck!

Piru

Just because you're not on the pill now doesn't mean you can't start taking it now to skip your period for your wedding night.

I'd agree a cup may be another option however I'd imagine that might be difficult to do for a virgin... I had a hard time with tampons. But that depends, it's worth a shot.

chrissydv

Thanks everyone for your advice!

I think we'll probably go with the dark towel- we might have anyway, since I am a virgin and even though I use tampons there might be some bleeding. I will keep the shower idea in mind too- i hadn't thought of that. FI and I have talked about it- he is not grossed out by it, but is very reassuring that he is not expecting that we have to have sex that night if I am not up to it- even though we both REALLY want to, but we will see how it goes :-)

For those who were wondering- I'm not on the pill mainly for medical reasons- it was FI's preference actually. There's been a LOT of side effects from hormonal birth control (miscarriages, perpetual nausea, even a mini-stroke) in the family, and FI didn't want me to go through that, so we decided to go on a fertility monitor and use condoms the week that I'm fertile.

meghanfeller

[QUOTE]  It took me going through probably 2-3 different kinds before finding one that agreed with me (being on each for 3 months).  This may not happen to you but not every kind agrees with everyone and you don't want take the chance of being some kind of hormonal, nauseous, migraine-having mess for your wedding if it doesn't agree with you. [/QUOTE]

Sub-question: when would a good time to start the pill be then? my wedding is in about 6 months, and i had originally thought i would start on the pill maybe a month prior, but now i'm thinking i should start earlier than that to avoid any negative reactions...

Meg1979

Personally, I wouldn't do it in the shower if you are a virgin (or if you have your period, but that's just me).  Just my two cents, but I think you would be more comfortable (if a little messy) in bed.  I think lubrication issues causes it to be more uncomfortable and someone is always cold due to the spray of the water.  I would also use a condom on your wedding night.  Even if you are menstruating, there is a chance of pregnancy if the egg is still hanging around.  It also might make it easier to clean up.  Also, I would shy away from using non-pill methods of stopping your period.  Aleve can be determental to your liver in high concentrations.

Sorry if this sounds gross.  I don't know why, but it sounds a little skeevy to me as I'm writing it. 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-beauty_advice-period-wedding-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:358Discussion:f57735d2-d62d-4afd-8d78-6dc7669d2d9dPost:f2e75dff-e55b-4448-a6d4-4a566797e38e">Re: ADVICE - period on wedding night?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sub-question: when would a good time to start the pill be then? my wedding is in about 6 months, and i had originally thought i would start on the pill maybe a month prior, but now i'm thinking i should start earlier than that to avoid any negative reactions...
Posted by meghanfeller[/QUOTE]

If you are planning on starting it a month before your wedding anyways I would start now.  I personally didn't have any problems when I first started taking the pill, which was over 10 years ago.  I switched a few times to try different things.  I used the patch for a while when it was out and had no problems hormonally, but didn't like that it would fall off sometimes.  Another time I tried Yaz because I wanted a shorter period, and that gave me wicked headaches on the side of my head, to the point that I thought i had a tumor or something.  After that though I have been back on the original brand I took from when I was 15.  I absolutely love being on the pill and being in control of when or if I get my period.  So I would talk to your gyno about which kind is best for you to start with, and then get started ASAP. 

To the OP- good luck with your situation.  To me, I definitely wouldn't want to have sex on my period since I usually feel gross when I have mine.  But its up to you and how you usually feel.  Like a PP said, if you waited this long whats another few days.  With all the stress you will get leading up closer to the wedding day, theres a good chance that it will change your cycle and it might come sooner or later, or even not at all that month.

sketne25

A couple of follow-up points to PPs:

Don't have sex in the bathtub! This can cause UTIs, vaginal tears, and other serious discomfort because you are submerged in water and having sex. Bad idea! Shower is better but probably awkward for a first time.

The pull-out method is only 50% effective, as Pooh said, but that doesn't mean you have a 1 in 2 shot of getting pregnant every time. Just the few days you are fertile you are at risk. Bad stats there. Although I would recommend condoms for protection and cleanliness, you can chart your fertile days with a calendar.

pooh8402

50% effectiveness rate = 1 in 2 chance. yes, there are fertile days and not so fertile days, but everyone's cycles are so different. also, sperm can live in the vagina and uterus for a few days, so unless you are tracking your cycle via NFP, it's nearly impossible to know when those are and sperm life cycle can overlap with the fertile days. so, I teach "better safe than sorry" and don't use the pull-out method as a form of BC. I'm a nurse, specializing in women's health.

sketne25

I'm sorry Pooh, I didn't mean to offend if I did. I agree with you wholeheartedly that pulling out is a baaaad BC method! I was thinking more along the lines that the OP might be confused by your comment if she isn't sexually experienced.

fairy_diva

Another choice for birth control, esp for women who have never had children is the Today sponge. I have used it in the past & love it.  It can stay in place 24 hours and even up to 30 if needed.
I am not on the pill also, multiple reasons including the fact that they don't mix with my thyroid diease well and I don't want any of the possible side effects they can cause. That's my personal reasons.  At this time we practice 2 methods, natural birth control, charting and keeping up with ovulation, and withdrawl. I can tell you, even though my period was early this month and that's put me in the same risk as the OP, I have charted my periods for 5 years online with MyMonthlyCycles.com and it can predict my ovulation & period within 24 hours.  I think when I looked through the last 5 years I was "late" by more than 1 day about 5 times.
And even though its a little TMI, my parents have practiced this method for 35 years, and no other children from that point on. They decided after my brother was born they were finished with having kids. I also know of 4 other couples that practice the same methdo with success. The withdrawl method is only crappy when you don't follow & keep up with your natural cycles.

kpwedkk

Since you've waited, wait a few more days  

glam70s

Agreed on the shower! Seriously awkward at times. You think water would be great, like it is in movies, but it's really not. It can be great for foreplay, but it makes the actual act difficult and frustrating because it restricts the way you move.

I second the softcups as well, I really think they're a great invention. I used them for a long time and most times FI didn't even know I was on my period. They're a little messy to deal with, but not bad once you're used to it..

I love the today sponge but the effectiveness is not the highest and I'm pretty sure you can't use it while you're on your period..

Good luck, whatever you do! I'm still 7-8 months out from the wedding, but I'm starting to worry that I'll be in the same situation, at least for part of the honeymoon..

ChristineH74

 When I calculated the days in my cycle and realized I was going to have a "visitor" on my wedding day in August, I called my Gyno and told him my dilemma.  He gave me a couple sample packs of birth control pills (Loestrin24) and told me to take the first pill on the last day of my period in July.  Skip the "sugar pills" at the end of the pack and go right into the second pack.  You will have your period again after finishing the second pack! 

rasberryrose

I am looking forward to the full experience (no barries of any sort, physical or chemical. i.e. free sex). Anyways, if my cycle changed and I just start or am in the early part of my period I won't have sex. I took an embrylogy class and learned that sex during one's period can cause endometriosis. Let your fiance know just in case, and figure out other things you can do if it starts on your wedding day.

rachjim

With the history of miscarriages and TIAs in your family while on hormonal birth control, I would get tested for a clotting disorder. It's called Factor V Leiden (Pronounced factor 5 lie den). It is the most common clotting disorder and most often isn't diagnosed until these things come up. I was on BC pills and was ill with a high fever and vomiting. Put those all together and BOOM, I had three clots in my brain. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with me for over 2 weeks. Luckily we caught it MINUTES before stroking, but come to find out I have this disorder, so my family all got tested. Puzzle pieces came together as women who'd had miscarriages and such also found they have the disorder. It's just a simple blood test. If you've never had any clotting issue, you probably won't need to do anything...just keep off any hormal birth control. If and when you become pregnant is a different story. If you have this disorder (hypothetically), you would need to be on blood thinners. PLEASE let me know. I just don't want anyone to go through what I did. Good luck hon.