Maid of Honor's age?

hyperion0616

What's the usual age for a maid of honor? I don't really know if my mom would want to even go to my wedding, so I'm not necessarily counting on her to be my MOH. But most of my friends are 16-18, is that okay? I'm 19,  so I don't really see too much of a problem considering I don't have many friends over 21.

s-aries8990

There isn't a "usual" age for a MOH. In many cases, I think it is within several years of the Bride's age, but it can really be anyone.

hyperion0616

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:e56a3b3f-8d15-425a-bb8a-3360ac9befa6">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]There isn't a "usual" age for a MOH. In many cases, I think it is within several years of the Bride's age, but it can really be anyone.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

<div>Huh, alrighty! That's good news. </div><div>I'm glad to have my options open in case Mom falls through. lol</div>

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:a366eb7f-df26-4bd0-9287-cb78e462b177">Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]What's the usual age for a maid of honor? I don't really know if my mom would want to even go to my wedding, so I'm not necessarily counting on her to be my MOH. But most of my friends are 16-18, is that okay? I'm 19,  so I don't really see too much of a problem considering I don't have many friends over 21.
Posted by hyperion0616[/QUOTE]

Maid of honor is your nearest and dearest, your BFF. I'm sure your mom would be delighted. Age doesn't matter.

s-aries8990

Why do you think you mom won't want to go to your wedding?

hyperion0616

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:d798ca44-97c0-4844-8237-45b714f9b1f4">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do you think you mom won't want to go to your wedding?
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

<div>1. Divorced parents. I don't know if she'd feel comfortable with my dad/her ex husband there, especially since they split up due to "another man" kind of thing.</div><div>2. We haven't been getting along as of late. I moved in with my hubby to be without her consent and she's been pretty bitter about it, although I think she's finally starting to crawl out of her angry hole. lol</div>

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:ed417ce4-97d9-43e2-ac29-d6b516061f5b">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor's age? : 1. Divorced parents. I don't know if she'd feel comfortable with my dad/her ex husband there, especially since they split up due to "another man" kind of thing. 2. We haven't been getting along as of late. I moved in with my hubby to be without her consent and she's been pretty bitter about it, although I think she's finally starting to crawl out of her angry hole. lol
Posted by hyperion0616[/QUOTE]

1.  If she cannot put aside her feelings regarding your father to attend her daughter's wedding, then she is incredibly immature.

2. Anyone of any age can be your MOH.  There is no rule about age or age gaps.

3. Check the requirements of your state to see if witnesses have to sign the marriage certificate or license (in mine, only the officiant does).  If this is the case, any two people who witnessed the wedding can sign; it does not have to be the MOH or Best Man.

4. Please have a long engagement.  Nineteen is too young to get married no matter how mature you think you are and if it is true love, it will wait

hyperion0616

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:2205c97f-4e19-48f0-9c6e-81f387fe44c8">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor's age? : 1.  If she cannot put aside her feelings regarding your father to attend her daughter's wedding, then she is incredibly immature. 2. Anyone of any age can be your MOH.  There is no rule about age or age gaps. 3. Check the requirements of your state to see if witnesses have to sign the marriage certificate or license (in mine, only the officiant does).  If this is the case, any two people who witnessed the wedding can sign; it does not have to be the MOH or Best Man. 4. Please have a long engagement.  Nineteen is too young to get married no matter how mature you think you are and if it is true love, it will wait
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>We have been for quite a while, actually. I know 19 is pretty young, but we know that what we have will last. </div><div>Mom is just...well, mom. She's currently dooming my relationship just because her relationship with my father didn't turn out well. She knows nothing about my fiance, and is just spouting off really insulting things, saying that he'll get bored of me, I'll never be enough for him, etc etc. :/ not really a great mom right now, but she's had her moments.</div>

HobokensFury

There is no required age. Mine was 24.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:2b3e8b60-44e0-436c-8f21-ad77cac67c92">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor's age? : We have been for quite a while, actually. I know 19 is pretty young, but we know that what we have will last.  Posted by hyperion0616[/QUOTE]

Everyone who gets married "knows" it will last yet divorce is commonplace.  The statistics are overwhelming that the younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to divorce which is why we always encourage young couples to have an engagement that at least gets them to their mid-twenties.  A big factor is that people change so much in their early to mid twenties and it is rare that couples are still compatible when they are each changing.

You're right that I don't know you.  I do remember 19 though and God help anyone who questioned my plans.  Most 19 year olds think life is going to go exactly how they plan.

Money is the number one factor in divorce so ask yourself these questions:

Are either of you going to college or a technical school?
Have you both set your career goals?
Have you agreed on how to budget?
Have you agreed on children, if and when you are going to have them?  Have you looked into what it costs to raise just one child?
Have you agreed on where you are going to live now and where you want to settle down in say a house?  Will you be able to afford this if it is something you want?

An attorney in our practice does divorce law and I can tell you it is messy, bitter and expensive.  None of the clients who walk into his office got married thinking it would not be forever.  I would bet your parents thought their marriage would be forever.  There is zero harm in waiting but there is a lot of potential harm in rushing.

Calypso1977

i think ti depends on whether they need to serve as an official witness either for the State or for the Church (if you are having a religious ceremony).  if they do, tehn tehy may have to be 18.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:2b3e8b60-44e0-436c-8f21-ad77cac67c92">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor's age? : We have been for quite a while, actually. I know 19 is pretty young, but <strong>we know that what we have will last. </strong> Mom is just...well, mom. <strong>She's currently dooming my relationship just because her relationship with my father didn't turn out well.</strong> She knows nothing about my fiance, and is just spouting off really insulting things, saying that he'll get bored of me, I'll never be enough for him, etc etc. :/ not really a great mom right now, but she's had her moments.
Posted by hyperion0616[/QUOTE]

I'm 22, 23 in April. I've been with my BF for almost 6 years. Ditto GLB and have along engagement. Don't you want a glass of champagne to celebrate your wedding??

If you know that what you have will last, then <em>why not</em> wait? If it's good now, it will still be good in 3 years when you're 22 and more likely to have a more established income, health benefits and disposable income.

What you mom saying ISN'T right, it is insulting for her to think that way about your FI. My mom warned me about being with my BF and that things will change, I will change, over time; and that was 3 years ago. She was young when she got engaged the first time and then was rushed into her second engagement and pressured into marriage by my dad, who was very abusive, and her parents/

Listen to the points GLB made and take them stongly into consideration. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married, but I'm saying seriously think about these things.

I know that my BF and I are going to get engaged, probably with the next 12-18 months, but because of finances, we'll need a long engagement to save for the wedding we want (good food, good booze).

Just think about it is all I'm sayin'

bunni727

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:ed417ce4-97d9-43e2-ac29-d6b516061f5b">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor's age? : 1. Divorced parents. I don't know if she'd feel comfortable with my dad/her ex husband there, especially since they split up due to "another man" kind of thing. 2. We haven't been getting along as of late. I moved in with my hubby to be without her consent and she's been pretty bitter about it, although I think she's finally starting to <strong>crawl out of her angry hole.</strong> lol
Posted by hyperion0616[/QUOTE]

I really like this phrase, hope you don't mind if I steal it :)

MOH age doesn't really matter. Mine was a year older than me.

It looks like this might be your first post. Congrats and Welcome!

GLB and others have some really great advice. I hope you know that none of us are judging your age, maturity, or relationship, we just have been down this road before and want to help. FWIW, I was engaged at 19. We had a long engagement, and now I'm very happily married....to someone else. I'm not saying you are too young, just that waiting did me a world of good. I would be a totally different person if circumstances had been different.

Gumby68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:53a4e5f1-0976-493a-8481-9a23c2b8f932">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor's age? : Everyone who gets married "knows" it will last yet divorce is commonplace.  The statistics are overwhelming that the younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to divorce which is why we always encourage young couples to have an engagement that at least gets them to their mid-twenties.  A big factor is that people change so much in their early to mid twenties and it is rare that couples are still compatible when they are each changing. You're right that I don't know you.  I do remember 19 though and God help anyone who questioned my plans.  Most 19 year olds think life is going to go exactly how they plan. Money is the number one factor in divorce so ask yourself these questions: Are either of you going to college or a technical school? Have you both set your career goals? Have you agreed on how to budget? Have you agreed on children, if and when you are going to have them?  Have you looked into what it costs to raise just one child? Have you agreed on where you are going to live now and where you want to settle down in say a house?  Will you be able to afford this if it is something you want? An attorney in our practice does divorce law and I can tell you it is messy, bitter and expensive.  None of the clients who walk into his office got married thinking it would not be forever.  I would bet your parents thought their marriage would be forever.  There is zero harm in waiting but there is a lot of potential harm in rushing.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>Definitely ask yourselves the questions GLB suggested. My sister got engaged on her 19th birthday, and they originally planned on getting married 4 months later. She was convinced that because she was incredibly mature for her age, she knew what she was doing. She finally decided that if EVERYONE was telling her to wait, maybe she should. </div><div>
</div><div>They waited a few years, and she got married at 22. She later admitted to me that had they gotten married when they originally planned, they would be divorced at this point due to the stress marriage can cause on a relationship. They'll celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary in June, they're totally happy, and they have two beautiful children now. </div><div>
</div><div>Just like GLB said, there is zero harm in waiting, but there is a lot of potential harm in rushing. </div><div>
</div><div>As for your MOH, as PP's have said, any age is fine. </div>

nwwoodsybride

People have posted a lot of wisdom here.. statistics show young married have a high divorce rate. That said, my brother got married at 19. He would have gotten married sooner but my mom was against it and I also felt that even though they were likely to get married they should wait.

They thanked us for the advice and got married anyways. Now they've been married for almost 10 years and have a strong, wonderful marriage. They have 5 kids, some adopted, and supported each other pinching pennies while they went to school. Two years ago they bought a house. I look back and kinda wish my mom and I had been more supportive, but it's water under the bridge.

My SO and I are in our young 30's and kinda wish we'd done things a bit sooner, like kids. We both want a few but it makes me tired thinking about it, lol.

So here's my advice. Pick up a premariatal counseling book or find premariatal counseling classes and work through them with your FI. Everyone has issues and marriage is work. Ask other people close to you about any issues they see in your relationship.

Hope everything works out.

sierraberry32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_maid-of-honors-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b4f8f58-4791-48f2-b2a0-72d86f8169c3Post:1b71c5b9-ab4e-4498-a453-8ef0ab6e76fd">Re: Maid of Honor's age?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't agree that there is "plenty of time." I was a widow at 31. Seven precious, all-too-brief years.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh my. That just broke my heart. You have my deepest condolences. </div>

Lisa50

There is no usual age for the bride's honor attendant -- choose whomever you want, as long as it is someone old enough to understand the solemnity of the occasion.

Twowarlocks

Small bone to pick: Wouldn't she be a Matron of Honor? I know matron is reserved for married women and she's not married but...maid sounds...not fitting for your mom. If it were me, my mother would be a matron. Maybe it's a southern thing. Unless your mom is in her 30s, then maid would be ok.