We don't drink, but some people might want to?

ralexander007

My fiance and I don't drink. Sure, I used to throw 'em back college, but I'm just over that. But I'm not sure what to do for the wedding? I know alcohol at a wedding can be a big cost, but I don't want to be a party pooper if there are people at the wedding who'd like to celebrate with some wine or champagne or whatever. I've gone to weddings where there was no drinking before, and you could hear a pin drop. Snoozefest! I know it's OUR wedding, but I want everybody to have a good time. Is it best to have wine and beer open bar, or just a signature cocktail, or just wine and beer served during dinner, or just serve alcohol during the "cocktail hour?"

[Deleted User]

I was having pretty much the same dilemna. I don't drink and as much as I want our friends and family to have fun, I don't want people falling over themselves and making a scene. I don't really care for over indulgence at a classy function But! I was thinking more a long the lines of having a signature cocktail, that way alcohol is available but not in excess. Also, what about a cocktail reception-where wine (or your choice of beverage) is served with dinner. It would lighten the mood but wouldn't cause any sillyness. OR! haha you could have a cash bar-if you have an open bar that will not only be costly but maybe asking for trouble-depending on how your crowd is. If alcohol isn't particularly important to you and have other things you would rather spend money on, go for it! It's your wedding and you should budget how you see fit.

jeanna85

signature cocktails are tough because it's hard to find one alcoholic beverage that appeals to a lot of people. why not beer and wine? i've never been to a wedding where people where sh*tfaced drunk before- most people know whats appropriate. unless your family or friends have a problem with a control, i think it would be a nice gesture to have beer and wine available to them.

buttaflai

[QUOTE]Is it best to have wine and beer open bar, or just a signature cocktail, or just wine and beer served during dinner, or just serve alcohol during the "cocktail hour?"
Posted by ralexander007[/QUOTE]

I would nix just a signature drink since not everyone will like it. People are much happier with choices as far as their beverages go.

Have you priced out wine and beer throughout cocktail hour and dinner? One or the other seems kind of odd. The venue can always shut down the bar for an hour during the beginning of dinner so that you don't have to buy extended hours.

MyNameIsNot

Talk to your venue and price out your options with your budget.  For ex, at our venue it was actually cheaper to do a well brand full open bar than only beer/wine. Think about what sort of thing your friends and family drink when they do drink.  Most places, beer/wine is cheaper than a full bar.  Also, beer/wine means no shots, and your college friends are less likely to go crazy. 
 
Of course, you don't have to offer any alcohol if you choose not to.  But you have to be realistic about what that will mean.  For some groups, it's NBD.  In others, if there is no bar, there won't be any dancing, and people will leave right after dinner.  You have to think about your guests. 

Either way, serve what you are comfortable having and providing.  Don't do a cash bar.  That's just rude.

duckie1905

I really am not a fan of open bar/alcohol service only during the cocktail hour.  Its such a tease.

Personally, I prefer open bar and it is the choice of most in my family and social circle.  Wine and beer is just fine too.  I've been to weddings that only had a sig. drink and that tended to be problematic because not everyone liked the one or two choices there were offered.

With that being said, you never HAVE to serve alcohol.  Price it out and see what you can afford before you make a decision.  In some groups no alcohol wouldn't be given a second though but in others (like mine) it is unheard of to have anything but open bar.

ralexander007

Awesome! Yeah, I agree, the cash bar to totally rude! I'll probably just ask what the venue recommends. Probably we'll do beer and wine for a set number of hours (cocktail hour and dinner) and then have the champagne toast part after dinner when the speeches are. People can be on their own after that!

anskaggs

I'm somewhat having the same problem.  My FI and i drink only seldomly, so it wouldn't be a problem to not have alcohol, really.  His mother is highly against it and he believes she would be very upset if we had alcohol at our wedding.  But I've been at weddings without alcohol, and it was just so boring, and no one really knew what to do with themselves because no one was dancing.  Then again, I've been at a wedding where everyone got completely hammered, and the bride and groom were dirty dancing with everyone on the dance floor.  Completely embarrassing.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I definitely prefer open bar, so it was important to me that FI and I do beer, wine and well drinks for the entire reception. If I got to a wedding, though, beer and wine, as long as there are a few choices, is perfectly fine. If you want to add a signature cocktail during cocktail hour, it's up to you.

If you are morally opposed to alcohol, or recovering alcoholics, or having a brunch/daytime reception, I would be perfectly fine without alcohol. However, if it's a more traditional evening reception with dinner, people will expect it to be part of the celebration. To me, "wanting to save money" is kind of a poor excuse. You can have a brunch reception and just serve coffee/soft drinks/juice or have mimosas instead. At an evening wedding, people will likely not dance, and will likely leave soon after dinner. Because what else are they going to do? It's your choice, always, I'm just telling you how most people would behave in that situation.

jenn.daniel

I’m in the same situation.  I’d considered only having the beer and wine bar for the first couple of hours, but that was still way too expensive ($2600 not including labor!) at the venue we wanted.  Now I’m probably going to go with my second choice of venue so we can bring in our own alcohol.  That should be cheaper.  We’re ok not having alcohol, but FMIL is opposed to a dry reception….

mocha beans

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dont-drink-but-people-might-want?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:0bc09678-4fe2-4808-9774-838ff3280038Post:524b6974-a564-419f-a420-bd2a5b2dc983">Re: We don't drink, but some people might want to?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was having pretty much the same dilemna.<strong> I don't drink and as much as I want our friends and family to have fun, I don't want people falling over themselves and making a scene. I don't really care for over indulgence at a classy function</strong> :( But! I was thinking more a long the lines of having a signature cocktail, that way alcohol is available but not in excess. Also, what about a cocktail reception-where wine (or your choice of beverage) is served with dinner. It would lighten the mood but wouldn't cause any sillyness. OR! haha you could have a cash bar-if you have an open bar that will not only be costly but maybe asking for trouble-depending on how your crowd is. If alcohol isn't particularly important to you and have other things you would rather spend money on, go for it! It's your wedding and you should budget how you see fit.
Posted by FJL10[/QUOTE]

I don't understand why so many people assume that open bar = wild drunk frat party atmosphere.  This is definately not the first time I've read this type of logic.

Adults are very capable to having a good time without automatically overindulging and becoming drunken idiots.  People should trust the bartenders and their own guests to make appropriate decisions, that's their job afterall.

I would do beer and wine, with a few generally pleasing selections for each.  I'm not a beer drinker, but will drink wine, if booze isn't available.  Signature drinks become problematic because people tend to be picky about the booze they drink; I don't do most cheap booze, and I'm picky about what types of booze I will drink.

goheels05

Yeah, as long as your friends and family are mature adults, you probably don't need to worry about your wedding becoming a keg party.

I think we saved a lot of money by doing wine and beer only.  We chose 3 house wines and 3 premium domestic beers and with a little over 100 people came out under $1000.

fairy_diva

I solved my alcohol dilemma, the wedding is in a park where no alcohol is allowed! LOL! I like a drink every now and then, and like a PP stated, I've been to weddings with both situations, adults who can handle their alcohol and adults that acted worse than some frat parties I went to in college.  Trust me some of my FI family does get out of control drinking and can not be trusted not to get stupid drunk. The venue I had my heart set on does not allow alcohol, its a county park, lake and marina. Problem solved for me....

cukimerrydoll

I don't drink either, 1/2 of my FH's family doesn't drink - including his parents, and some of mine as well.  I knew a sober reception wouldn't work with my family, so I'm sort of relying on my parent's advice for this one.

We're doing the cocktail hour with an open bar (which I'm not huge on, but that's okay), then we're switching to a pay/cash bar.  We're still trying to figure out what to serve specifically, definitely the standards for my folks: beer, wine, and rum. 

But I'm not as worried as I normally would be, our venue is a "retired" night club turned banquet hall, so the owner still works with one of the best security teams in the area, and the staff knows when enough is enough.

For me, I'm having a specialty mocktail.  Absolutely delicious - 3 parts ginger ale, 1 part pomegranite juice.  It's delicious, and it's unique to our tastes.

cukimerrydoll

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dont-drink-but-people-might-want?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0bc09678-4fe2-4808-9774-838ff3280038Post:0f8ce1ee-2cba-4e6b-b8a4-289fa9e81fc4">Re: We don't drink, but some people might want to?</a>:
[QUOTE]I I don't understand why so many people assume that open bar = wild drunk frat party atmosphere.  This is definately not the first time I've read this type of logic. Adults are very capable to having a good time without automatically overindulging and becoming drunken idiots.[/QUOTE]

On this note, I know my family and have been to enough weddings to know that it does turn into frat party madness - brothers jumping into a hot tub together at 4am is just one example.  Which is why I'm glad to have a venue that is more capable to handle that kind of drinking.

I come from a family of alcoholics, so my family's safety is one of the biggest reasons why I am sticking with my venue.  I do trust the bartenders, but there is a line too - people get drinks for people who can't get them for themselves.  Basically, I've described our familial alcohol consumption as having an on button with no off switch.  When we start we cannot stop. 

Being able to not overindulge is not something that every person can do.  Be it chemical or genetic, it's why I've quit drinking.  I've proven to myself that on my own terms - and I have seen this with many of my relatives - we do not have the capability to just stop.  If it were that easy, there would be no need for recovery.

It isn't that cut and dry, there aren't people who can control it and alcoholics.  There are also people with a tendency for alcohol abuse.  This, again for my family, is not having an off switch.  If there is no off switch, it starts alcohol abuse, not necessarily alcoholism.  Alcoholism more comes through the tolerance from the alcohol abuse and the craving and withdrawl symptoms from needing alcohol to function.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dont-drink-but-people-might-want?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0bc09678-4fe2-4808-9774-838ff3280038Post:8ca25595-1037-4f86-abff-b60175b810a0">Re: We don't drink, but some people might want to?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We don't drink, but some people might want to? : On this note, I know my family and have been to enough weddings to know that it does turn into frat party madness - brothers jumping into a hot tub together at 4am is just one example.  Which is why I'm glad to have a venue that is more capable to handle that kind of drinking. I come from a family of alcoholics, so my family's safety is one of the biggest reasons why I am sticking with my venue.  I do trust the bartenders, but there is a line too - people get drinks for people who can't get them for themselves.  Basically, I've described our familial alcohol consumption as having an on button with no off switch.  When we start we cannot stop.  Being able to not overindulge is not something that every person can do.  Be it chemical or genetic, it's why I've quit drinking.  I've proven to myself that on my own terms - and I have seen this with many of my relatives - we do not have the capability to just stop.  If it were that easy, there would be no need for recovery. It isn't that cut and dry, there aren't people who can control it and alcoholics.  There are also people with a tendency for alcohol abuse.  This, again for my family, is not having an off switch.  If there is no off switch, it starts alcohol abuse, not necessarily alcoholism.  Alcoholism more comes through the tolerance from the alcohol abuse and the craving and withdrawl symptoms from needing alcohol to function.
Posted by cukimerrydoll[/QUOTE]

My point exactly. My dilemna was MY dilemna because of issues that could possibly arise with my family. Yes, <em>some </em>adults can act mature when alcohol is part of the equation, but keep in mind there are <em>other </em>adults who can't.