Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Dealing with a Different Culture's Traditions...

Hi everyone, I am new here. My FI is Slovenian, and his parents have very traditional views. We are really butting heads about some issues. In particular, the head table. I am not having a wedding party. I feel very strongly about having a sweetheart table-- I would feel this way even with a wedding party. His parents have never heard of it before, and think the idea is ridiculous. His mother thinks that FI's brother and sister-in-law sit at the head table, along with FI's father, my father, and my sister and her "life partner". When his father realized how it would look to have two women sitting together, he said that my sister will jsut sit alone at the head table. Obviously, this is incredibly offensive to my sister, her partner, and and me. My mom also hates the idea of just my dad at the head table, because she would like to sit with her husband, and the idea that the man sits at the head table but the woman does not is very offensive to her. I REALLY just want the two of us to sit together, for obvious reasons listed above. Any advice? TIA, I really appreciate it.

Re: Dealing with a Different Culture's Traditions...

  • I don't think it is neccessarily about "how things are done in America" but I do think that if your FI isn't as culturally traditional as his parents, then your wedding should reflect what the two of you want and not what they wish for you. Obviously you are both adults and get to make decisions for yourself, after all your getting MARRIED not going to prom, don't let that change just because you are planning a wedding. Your FI parents may not like the way you end up doing it but as long as it doesn't get into an ugly verbal confrontation, they will get over it by the time the last piece of cake is gobbled up by the drunk best man...(totally kidding about the drunk BM) Don't stress too much about it. Decide what you and FI want through a sit down discussion and then let him handle his family. My mom and dad have been married 28 years and they always say the other has to handle their own family the way they want and will be supported. Your FI should support you and stand up for the decisions you make! GL
  • My dad is also slavik and he has some strange customs tha the brought up I never even heard of.  I would suggest that you fiancee talk to his parents and explain that you guys would like to do it your way.  I completely understand when it comes to satisfying parents and traditions but you have to draw the line somewhere.  My dad is paying for the whole wedding and it was hard at first to tell him that I don't want to incorporate his traditions.  I know he didn't like it but he understood.  I believe your finacee will have to do the same and hopefully his parents will be understanding as well.
  • You're marrying your FI, not his mom. If she can't get over that, I'd say, she doesn't need to see the grandkids much, does she?

    Sorry, but my grandmother controlled my parents wedding and treated my mom like crap for the next 20 years. So your story kind of rung a bell. It really sounds to me like she's making your wedding HER wedding. Better put your foot down now, I'd say.
  • It would be good for your FI to point out to his father that while that table arrangement is part of their culture, it is GREATLY offensive to women in our culture and that is not going to happen.

    I'm all for compromise and incorporating tradition but FFIL disrespecting your sister, her partner, and your mother.  That would be my line in sand.

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