Customs and Traditions

Mom just passed away...what do I do?

My mom passed away unexpectedly two weeks ago, and my wedding is in 3 1/2 months. It is going to be a very difficult day for me, and I don't know how I am going to handle her not being there.Has anyone else experienced this before? I know there are a lot of people whose parents have passed and will be missed at their wedding, but this is so close and so painful. Any advice would be appreciated.Also, I'm tossing around the idea of honoring her in some way, but at the same time I don't want to draw more attention to the fact that she is not there. I'm not sure what will make me burst into tears and what won't. Her name will be in the program and my parents and future-in-laws wedding pictures will be out at the reception. Anything else really meaningful that can be done? She was my best friend and I really want to honor her in a special way.

Re: Mom just passed away...what do I do?

  • It is very hard to go through this.  You can have something from her in your bouquet, a fav flower, a single lilly, a wrap.  Maybe wear her perfume or a fav necklace she was always wearing.  I think it really depends on you and how you will feel to me something personal and small no one else may know will be better.  This way once you are in the moment you can take a slide glace at the flowers and know she's there or touch your neck and be reminded without people pointing it out.  You could carry a candle down the isle and leave it by the alter and have it at a rememberance table too.
  • I'm so sorry about your loss. My Nana passed away the week before my wedding. Like you, I wanted to honor and acknowledge her, but didn't want anything that I would be focusing on the entire day. I placed her wedding picture like I did with our other grandparents during the cocktail. I also took a cross that she always wore and attached it to my bouquet. That way I knew it was there, but it didn't draw attention from everyone else. It was almost our little secret.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss. Both myself and FI have lost our mothers. One idea I have heard of is a rememberance table, you may want to look into that. Can you make a donation in her honor? My brother just did that. Another more personal thing is having your seamstress sew something of hers into the inside of your dress. Like a photo, or a piece of fabric from something of hers. Again so sorry for your loss. It's hard.
  • I'm very sorry for your lose.  I hate when someone is "honored" at a wedding it is a happy day not sad.  I also think it will be to soon to do something without having many people burst into tears.
  • I like the ideas from the ladies abouta couple 'secret' things. A flower, a necklace. Both very classy things to do. Perhaps if her partner is still alive they might have an idea of what is fitting?The rose on the chair would be very elegant, classic, and horribly sad. Do what feels right.and now i'm going to cry.. lol
  • claire, You will be in my thoughts and my prayers.  My mom, DD's grandmother passed away 3 weeks to the day before her wedding.  DD and grandma were extremely close, so it was very difficult for her.  In addition, my SIL's dad passed away 9 months before their wedding.DD wore a pair of my mom's earrings at the wedding.  They had a chair by their sweetheart table at the reception, and had a flower for grandma and pappa on the chair. And our dear minister spoke about them both before the blessing before dinner, and then included them in the prayer.And DD and I had ourselves a little cry-fest on the morning of the ceremony.  Claire, this is a decision that you don't have to make until the day before the wedding, if you choose.  At this time, I'm sure your emotions are so close to the surface that it's even hard to concentrate.  At least that's what I experienced.Give yourself a little space and then talk to the rest of your family.  See what they're comfortable with, and what you're comfortable with.  I'm so very sorry for your loss.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I am wanting to do a memory table with candles for each person (grand parents and my dad) who is there in spirit.  The centerpiece will have sunflowers and wheat as the main flowers.  Those who knew my dad would understand the symbolism but not draw too much attention.  We want to honor those people but not make too big of a deal about it and bring everyone down.
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