Clueless groom, in need of advice

rclouie

Hello-  My fiance Roz and I are getting married on 10/2.  She's half Chinese on her dad's side but not much up on the culture so doesn't the answer to this question.  Her grandparents will be there and are very traditional.  English is their second language (Cantonese is their first) as they didn't come to the states until the 50's.  I swear that I remember reading something once about a tradition in which the groom presents to the parents and grandparents a gift of four pastries.  Am I making this up?  Has anyone ever heard of this and if so, what would they be?  If this is not in fact tradition and there is something I should know about, please let me know.  Basically I adore her grandparents and want them to know that I'm honored to be marrying their granddaughter and to have them as part of my family as well.  Make sense?ANY help would be greatly appreciated.Best-

ddumire

Can her dad offer any suggestions?  Sorry I can't help, but there is a Chinese weddings forum.

duckie1905

Sorry, I can't help. Try out one of the asian wedding boards they might be able to help!

munkii

I haven't heard/read about a groom honoring the parents or GPs in this way.  However, at a Chinese wedding my FI went to a few years ago, the bride and groom gave everyone "wedding cookies" which are traditionally mailed prior to the wedding, but they gave them as favors instead.  This is the closest thing I could find to what you may be referring to: http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/09/25/my-chinese-cookie-party/

ffmaid

Talk to her and her dad and find out if this is one of their traditions. It may or may not be. find out before doing it. Does she want you to do this? If she is a feminist at all she might not like this idea. Talk to her  

daydreamwanderer

First, I want to say that I think it's wonderful you are wanting to follow your FI's cultural traditions! And if she gets upset 'in the name of feminism' it's really sad - your intentions are culturally based, not gender. Second, I am an American living in China (the north, not the south where her family must be from if they speak Cantonese), and I can tell you -- wedding traditions here range VASTLY. Every province, people group, region, and village has it's own old traditions from marriage. They range from the bride not being allowed to walk at all the day of the wedding (she sits on her bed until the groom comes to carry her to the wedding, where he then carries her around all day), to the giving of money from the parents to the groom, to the groom having to fight off the bride's friends and family to get to her to take her to the wedding, to the eating of dumplings and noodles, and lots more. Like I said though - no two weddings seem to embrace the same traditions, and many times people from one region have never even heard of the traditions in another. That makes it pretty tricky. Is your FI in on your plan to follow these traditions? The easiest/best way for you to ascertain what traditions her family in particular might follow would be to ask, as lame as that sounds. You could try phrasing it in asking them to tell you about their wedding -- then pay attention for cultural cues! Good luck...