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Customs and Traditions

Add his name to the end of yours?

Hello. My fiance would like me to take his last name while I would prefer to keep my name. As a compromise, I suggested that I add his last name to my full name--so it would be first name, middle name, first last name, second last name--without a hyphen. My question is for other brides who have done this/are thinking of doing it. Are you glad you did this? And is it an administrative headache? Thanks!

Re: Add his name to the end of yours?

  • I am replacing my middle name with my current last name. So I will go from Pirata Marie MyLast to Pirata MyLast HisLast.
  • I think it is fine although not a choice I woudl make. Do the names sound good together? If you have kids what is their last name Are both names short? If you are Lisa Simpson and He is Millhouse VanHouten and you end up with some name like Lisa SimpsonVanHouten it is going to be awful. But if your names are short and something like Lisa SmithJones that will not be bad
  • I will add his last name on to my name. I don't have a middle name as it is, on everything official, my middle name is my mother's maiden name. Once we are married. I will keep my last name and add on his. My name will be first name, middle name(current last name), his last name. I won't require that everyone call me by the full name but it will be on all of my official documents.
  • It sort of depends. Honestly? I think it's sort of a cop-out to have 2 middle names or replace your middle name. Do I care what other people chose to do with their names? Not really.If there's no hyphen, you'll most likely end up using one of the names. Likely the last one (i.e. his), since people will assume you have 2 middle names and one last name, rather than 2 last names. So personally, I'd either not add it or use a hyphen, which denotes the entire last name. Administratively, it will probably be just as much of a pain as changing your last name full out.I'd be concerned as to why he's so intent on you taking his name when you don't want to.
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  • Thank you for your responses, this is helpful! We would give any future kids his last name. My fiance said I can do whatever I want but I know that he would like me to take his name. I was just trying to brain storm different ideas and I know that "Ask Carly" recommended this strategy.
  • I think that I will be doing this. I like my middle name and my last name is very unique, but I also want to take his name so adding it to the end seems to make sense. I will go by his last name and our kids will get his last name, but I will have all 4 names on official papers. My FI also wanted me to keep my last name because it's so different.I do have short names though Middle name is 3 letters, my last name is 4 and his last name is 5 so my name won't be too terribly long.
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  • Your name, your decision. If you want to keep your name, I think you should keep it. I would never dream of marrying a man who thinks that he gets equal say on something as personally as my name. If this is what you want, do it. Do not do it because you are guilted into it. You'll eventually resent him for it.
  • A friend of mine did this - actually tried to use both last names as her last name - w/out hyphenating.  Now she just goes by his last name b/c, in our society, two last names are not recognized (so if you don't hyphenate, the true last name is his last name anyway).  She started out correcting people but just gave up in the end.  Good luck!
  • I'm actually at odds and ends with this detail, too! I don't have the luxury of a short name. I'm Jennifer Suzanne. And at that, I have a long 7-letter long last name while FI's last name is 9 letters long!Also, FI's last name is very Hispanic, while mine is very Asian. I just feel keeping my last name is ideal. Although my name would be incredibly LONG, I'm planning on adding FI's last name to mine.In the end, it's your decision! HTH!
  • Ditto PP who said that in our society, two last names is simply not accepted. From personal experience I can tell you it absolutely is an administrative headache. I tried to add DH's last name to the end of mine and have two middle names, and the BMV here wouldn't let me have it on my driver's license! It was a pain at school and work too. I ended up going back to the SS office a second time after the wedding and hyphenating my last name legally to ensure that I would be able to use my full name. If you choose to do it like this, just keep in mind that many times one name will be dropped - you could have some confusion over whether you're Susie Marie Smith Jones or Susie Smith Jones or Susie Marie Jones or Susie Marie Smith. Are you okay with that? People could think you're Susie S Jones or Susie M Jones, it could be a nightmare trying to keep all your records straight.
  • I'm also planning on keeping my current last name and adding his! I can't decide yet if I want my current last to replace my middle, or if I just want to make my last a second middle. I've never been too attached to my middle name as it is, but it was my mother's middle name as well, so I sort of want to keep the connection with her, as she passed away when I was young. I definitely plan to keep my current last name, though, as I am a performer, and want to still be recognized by the same name I am now. Legally, it will be "Melissa Ann Mylast Hislast," so I can go by "Melissa Ann Hislast" in everyday life and "Melissa Ann Mylast" when performing. Seems like a good compromise to me, and FI is definitely happy about it. Any future kids will definitely have the shared last name, which is his, since mine will be solely for the purpose of performance.Hope this helps a little!
  • Late, but more input is always good. :)I did this exactly. My original plan was to move my last name to a second middle, because I'm the last generation with my last name (no boys) and it's on my diploma. I didn't want to part with it, but I wanted to be Mrs. Hislast. So to have my cake & eat it too, I was just going to add his and have 2 middles. Not a problem at the SS office, but the DMV told me that to get 2 middles I needed a court ordered name change! The SS card wasn't used for ID purposes and the marriage license was only able to change my last name. They quit dropping/moving maidens to middles about 10 years ago...so I seemed to be SOL. BUT, on my SS card AND on my DL it says: Mallory Middle Mylast Hislast. No hypens, nothing, so you really can't tell which name goes where. And my signature (which the guy @ the DMV told me could be anything I wanted it to be) is Mallory A.R. Hislast. Even though the R is technically a part of my last name. All of my bills, credit cards, records are all spelled out. And my signature is consisten across all of them. I've been told by many people that as long as your signature is consisten across all documents (except the ones that require you to sign out your entire name), it doesn't matter exactly what your name is. I'd suggest to keep down the admin headache parts to make sure your name is spelled out completely on all documents and that your signature is consistent and you'll significantly cut down on the headaches. I'm very glad I did this. Even though socially I go by Mrs. Hislast, I still have my own personal connection to my maiden name, even though others may not be privvy to that information. I know it's there and that makes me happy. :) HTH and good luck!
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