Customs and Traditions

Name Change With Child

I have been reading through the posts trying to get some insight on the name changing deal.  I just recently got married and I'm in the process of filling out forms to change my last name.  I have a seven year old who has my last name.  I figured I would hyphenate my last name with my husband's so that my child never feels left out as to why I have a different last name than him now.  I already feel as though hyphenating is a pain the rear end but I don't ever want my child to feel left out.Can anyone give me any opinions?

Re: Name Change With Child

  • Frankly, I don't think a name is going to make your child feel left out.  I think you're overthinking this.Your child will feel left out if you now focus every bit of your attention on your new DH.  Your child will feel left out if things that used to be part of your tradition (i.e. a story before bedtime......drinking hot chocolate on the first snowy day.....walking home from school together).It's what you do or don't do that makes a child feel "left out".  Not so much what they're called.Your child will not feel left out if you explain this matter-of-factly to him.  Mommy married Mr. Eyez, so now I have a new name.  But your name is the same as your dad's.  But mommy and Mr. Eyez love you more than anything in the world, and you're important to us both.FWIW:  My sister kept her maiden name.  Her 3 kids have my BIL's last name.  They are perfectly well adjusted adults who have never doubted for a moment that they were loved and cherished by their parents.I am a preschool teacher.  It is not unusual for us to have kids whose parents have a different surname.  They get it, and it's absolutely not a big deal to them.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • The child won't feel "left out."  My first husband, my daughter, and I (first husband was DDs father) all used different last names.  Schools are used to it, blended families are the norm, and so that isn't a concern.  DD never said she felt "left out" due to her different last name, and she's married now, too.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Although MIL did have the same name as all four of her kids at one time.  Once she divorced she went back t her maiden.  So DH and BIL have one name and 2 SIL have another name (2 different dads)I can tell you none of them felt left out.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • My fiance is going to adopt my (our) daughter, but that really depends on your situation.  I don't think your child will feel left out, its just one of those things.  10/10/10 Bride!!
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