Church Decision

Nicolou13

Hello all. 

My fiance and I are getting married 10/2/10 and just found out the church we chose a year ago can not marry us, due to a street festival in the city that day (which the pastor did not advise me of at the time of booking).  At any rate, I've found 2 other available churches.  One is the church my parents got married in 43 years ago, where I was baptized, and where I attended Sunday School at, etc.  The reason we didn't initially choose to go there is because it didn't fit my "vision" of the church I wanted.  I've always envisioned that big center aisle where the doors swing open and you see your future husband for the first time right before you two get married.  The second church that's available DOES fit my "vision".  So, my question is do I go with the church that does not fit my "vision", but that has history for my family OR the church that DOES fit my vision, even though we have no ties to the church whatsoever.  I also feel like everything happens for a reason, so maybe the reason we had the church dilemma was because I'm meant to get married at my parents church?!?

I'm just SO confused right now...my heart says family, but my head says it's MY wedding and I should have everything I want.  Any suggestions?!?!

THANKS!!!
Nicole

[Deleted User]

Well, it sounds like you only have 2 choices. I would take some time and think about it. If your parents aren't bugging you about choosing the church they got married in (esp if you already had one booked), it shouldn't be a big deal. I would go with the one you and your FI want, if it is the one that fits your "vision" then I would go for it and get it booked.

jlmarks83

I agree with PP.

aperitisa

Ditto.

trix1223

A church should never, ever be chosen to be a pretty stage set for your wedding.  It's disrespectful, IMO.  (DISCLAIMER HERE:  I work in a church that is gorgeous, so I'm probably more sensitive than many would be about this.  We have people coming in to get married in our church because "the pictures will be so beautiful.")

I'd personally choose the church that you have ties to, rather than going for the "vision". 

erollis

Does your fiance have an opinion? I think he has a say. Also who is paying? If your parents are helping pay for the wedding they get to put there two cents in about what church.

BluValkyrie

I've been to weddings at both center isle churches and two isle churches, and I honestly personally preffer (note the word personally) the two isle churches.  You might not get that big "enterance", but logistically, it makes SO much more sense to me; you come in one isle as a single person, but walk down the second as a married couple.

But my advice is go to both churches with your FI and spend some time there and figure out which one FEELS right.  Don't go by the "vision", go by the feeling.  Least that's what I would do.

I think I might also be biased because I'm getting married in a two isle church.

Jason&Jenn

You said your childhood church is what your heart wants...girl, my heart has NEVER steered me wrong!

DavidandAmyClark

I have to side with trix.  If you are in it for the "vision" get married at a lake or on top of a mountain. Getting married in a church is a custom/tradition.  You should go with the church your heart and spirit is attached to.  You won't regret following your heart. Might you someday regret sacrificing for a "vision of a moment"?

jenn.daniel

Sounds like you want the church you grew up in.  Seems like the right choice to me.

irshis20

The church I grew up in is a relatively new building, it's circular, it has three aisles, and it has teal carpet. By contrast, the church of the same denomination that is closest to where I live now is beautiful and exactly what I picture when I think of a church. But nevertheless, I am getting married in my family's church. My family has had weddings, memorial services and other moments in that church, and I just felt like my wedding there was fulfilling yet another special family moment in that church. If I had gotten married in any other church, I would have felt like, well, a fake. It would have been weird for me to get married in a church I had never been a part of. Some here may think that a church is just a building, a house of God, but in fact most Christians I know think of a church as more than just a building - it's about the preacher, the congregation and the community involvement, as well.

larzhope04

I
I Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_church-decision?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:13031d2d-10e8-4209-9133-98987ebad0c7Post:ee43d6c0-2613-4c82-ac93-3df3ee245a2b">Re: Church Decision</a>:
[QUOTE]Well put Iarzhope04!  So, you've chosen not to get married in the church you grew up in then?  I just feel torn between traditions and what I really want for MY wedding, ya know?!  I give you a lot of credit for making that decision!  And you're right...we DO want our weddings recognized in God's house, but I also would like it to look nice too!  THANKS! : )
Posted by Nicolou13[/QUOTE]

I am not engaged yet (hopefully in the next few weeks!) but I will not get married in the church I grew up in.  the BF and I currently live in Seattle (but I grew up in Michigan and will be getting married there) so that is definitely making it easier for me to choose the church I didn't grow up in.  Luckily, my family goes to our church because it is the only one in town, despite really not caring for the priest and his style.  My mom often tells me our church is ugly so I know she's on my side with that as well. 

I say go with your heart unless you think it is really going to cause family problems/regret down the road.  This is your wedding and you and your fiance should have it how you want it.