Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding

[Deleted User]

My fiance and I are getting married in California but my fiance is from Pennsylvania. A very small number of his family/friends will be able to attend. His family has a traditional Polka Bridal Dance that they do at every wedding that Californians know nothing about. It wouldn't be super hard to teach our CA friends and family but it asks your guests to give you money ($1's). It's a tradition all of his friends and family have always done so when he told me about it I wanted to incorporate it so his traditions are included even though we're getting married in CA. But, I feel bad incorporating a tradition that asks people to give you money. Your thoughts?  

Jen4948

If you go for it, use something that isn't real money, because that would be grabby.

Maybe use Monopoly money or fake money, or as Liatris suggests, the advice cards?

Either that, or compromise with your FI by incorporating other of his traditions but not this one.

LuckyGirl1713

I saw this at a New Jersey wedding when the groom was from PA.  No one was insulted from the NJ or NY side and some people were excited to join in and happily gave $1 or more. 

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pennsylvania-bridal-dance-at-a-california-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2996e77e-12c0-4762-827f-83926027879fPost:dd259236-b4fa-43c9-8343-b6db197f61b3">Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I would put little cards on the table for people to write a wish or bit of marriage advice. When it is time for the Polka, they can "pay" for the dance with the advice instead of with a dollar. That way you can honor FI's traditions without insulting the CA half of the guestlist.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

How is completely changing the tradition honoring the tradition?

I'm one of  the few regulars here who doesn't have an attack of the vapors and get all pearl-clutchy over the dollar dance <u>if</u> it's a family tradition or part of the bride or groom's culture. If it's strictly for money, then yeah, it's gift-grabby. But OP has explained that it's both a family and cultural tradition for the groom.

Just have the DJ explain that it's a Pennsylvania tradition to pay a dollar to the bride and groom and to join them in dancing a polka with the rest of the bridal party and they would love to have anybody who wishes to join in the fun. They don't even really need to know how to dance a polka -- they'll have plenty of fun trying to fake it and watching the people who do know how to polka. It'll be a new experience for them. There's no reason to lose sleep over this.

If you're really that worried, have the DJ emphasize that nobody is required to take part in and no guns will be held to anybody's head to force them to take part against their will. It's just not that big of a deal. It sounds like your FI will have few family members at this wedding because it's taking place across the country from his hometown -- throw him a bone and let him have this one thing.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pennsylvania-bridal-dance-at-a-california-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2996e77e-12c0-4762-827f-83926027879fPost:b0bfaa55-31ae-415f-874e-9fae50ec2b9c">Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] No one was insulted from the NJ or NY side 
Posted by LuckyGirl1713[/QUOTE]

You sure about that?  I wouldn't be.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pennsylvania-bridal-dance-at-a-california-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2996e77e-12c0-4762-827f-83926027879fPost:42cd43f1-be82-49ba-9c27-e950d0f290b3">Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding : You sure about that?  I wouldn't be.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't be either.  Not hearing from someone that they're insulted doesn't mean they're not insulted.

KDM323

The dollar dance!

I know this well!  Do the men in the family then form a "circle" around the bride and the groom has to get through them?

That's what they do in my hometown/family and I have EVERY intention of doing this at my wedding..this is an OLD tradition that dates back into the 1800 and early 1900's and is in different countries and cultures around the world.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_dance

Anyone who would be "offended" would simply need to educate themselves to realize that this is a traditional dance and not a "money grab". 

Half the fun of the dance is watching how people fold up the $1 bills!  I've had older uncles that take GREAT care to really fold them so the bride and groom need to spend time unfolding them to spend the money!

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pennsylvania-bridal-dance-at-a-california-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2996e77e-12c0-4762-827f-83926027879fPost:09b0ac36-fe39-4b16-8854-cb4f2c458f20">Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] That's what they do in my hometown/family and I have EVERY intention of doing this at my wedding..this is an OLD tradition that dates back into the 1800 and early 1900's and is in different countries and cultures around the world. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_dance" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_dance</a> Anyone who would be "offended" would simply need to educate themselves to realize that this is a traditional dance and not a "money grab". 
Posted by drexelkathy[/QUOTE]

Oy. 

KDM323

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pennsylvania-bridal-dance-at-a-california-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2996e77e-12c0-4762-827f-83926027879fPost:ea434454-e13b-4711-8505-776fafa15131">Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding : Oy. 
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />  I didn't know we were on the 'snarky' forum. 

AdeleDazeem

In Response to Re:Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding:In Response to Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding : Oy.nbsp;Posted by Joy2611nbsp; I didn't know we were on the 'snarky' forum.nbsp; Posted by drexelkathy[/QUOTE]

Everywhere is the snarky forum.

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pennsylvania-bridal-dance-at-a-california-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:2996e77e-12c0-4762-827f-83926027879fPost:09b0ac36-fe39-4b16-8854-cb4f2c458f20">Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]The dollar dance! I know this well!  Do the men in the family then form a "circle" around the bride and the groom has to get through them? That's what they do in my hometown/family and I have EVERY intention of doing this at my wedding..this is an OLD tradition that dates back into the 1800 and early 1900's and is in different countries and cultures around the world. <a rel="nofollow" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_dance">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_dance</a> Anyone who would be "offended" would simply need to educate themselves to realize that this is a traditional dance and not a "money grab".  Half the fun of the dance is watching how people fold up the $1 bills!  I've had older uncles that take GREAT care to really fold them so the bride and groom need to spend time unfolding them to spend the money!
Posted by drexelkathy[/QUOTE]

Really?  So if it is a tradition in your family to do something that is outdated and offensive, it is up to the offended people to get over it?  Wow.  DH is from California (where OP's wedding is and half of the guests are from) and I will tell you right now this would be off the charts offensive to them.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

My husband has seen the dollar dance at some family weddings in the past.

My family would have had a heart attack if they witnessed it.

We got married in CA. We did not have a dollar dance.

[Deleted User]

Thank you so much for the advice! I truly appreciate the responses and I'm glad this attracted people from both coasts so I can see everyone's point of view!

libby18bell

I am somewhat in the same pickle thinking the dollar dance is semi silly, even though I come from a family that has always had the tradition of doing it.  To take it from a guest's perspective, the dance is NOT mandatory, so if you are offended you do not have to participate, just so that part is clear.  It is a nice way for different guests to have a moment with the bride or groom, some have only bride, but many have included both.  A good example of someone who likes the dance is my grandmother, who is getting up in age and it's her moment to dance with the bride or groom, whichever is her grandchild.  Since she is much older and can't stand for too long she wouldn't be able to dance on the floor when there are a large number of guests, so this gives her a minute or two at most with the bride or groom.  I was just at a cousin's wedding who had the dollar dance and to add an additional element of fun those who danced with the bride or groom were offered a complimentar shot afterwards.  I'm just curious on why everyone is offended, since nobody requires you to participate.  On a side note the money is often used as a fun send off for the bride and groom on their honeymoon, it's just a $1 by the way.

libby18bell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pennsylvania-bridal-dance-at-a-california-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2996e77e-12c0-4762-827f-83926027879fPost:5abe3076-d3cd-4927-bc21-a3bdfedc77ec">Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Any fool can write a wikipedia entry.  You don't need an alternative. Just skip the dance.  If anyone asks when you're having it, tell them you won't be doing it.  Easy peasy. I believe this is a Polish and Filipino tradition, but not a "Pennsylvania" tradition.  Not everyone who lives in Pennsylvania has this at their weddings.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow snarky much, geesh.  By the way I'm 1/4 Polish which is why my family does the tradition, but the cousin I was referring to isn't Polish at all, and in fact he and his wife are predominantly Italian.  Oh on another side note, I didn't write a wiki article I wrote from my own personal experience.  Just thought I would give perspective from someone who has gone to weddings where the personal family tradition and touches are greatly appreciated.</div>

HeathenSwan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pennsylvania-bridal-dance-at-a-california-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:2996e77e-12c0-4762-827f-83926027879fPost:b0bfaa55-31ae-415f-874e-9fae50ec2b9c">Re: Pennsylvania bridal dance at a California wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I saw this at a New Jersey wedding when the groom was from PA.  No one was insulted from the NJ or NY side and some people were excited to join in and happily gave $1 or more. 
Posted by LuckyGirl1713[/QUOTE]

Dollar dances are fairly traditional with Italians, which are heavily concentrated in NJ, so it probably wasn't unusual to them. My family would throw money at people any chance they got (weddings, funerals, new babies, kid loses a tooth, you name it).

Personally, I find that regional traditions are going to be unusual for people in different regions, but if you explain it and give them a chance to opt out (either by not participating or giving them an option to give something other than money if they want, like advice), I think it would be fine.

libby18bell

Your trying to saying that "Any fool can write a wikipedia entry." isn't snarky?

Also the reception, yes is for the guests, but it's also for the bride and groom, if it wasn't then how would you know the difference between one wedding reception or another, each one brings different aspects of the bride and groom together.  Maybe I'm just very fortunate but when I have an issue with whether I want something at our wedding or reception we get told over and over that it's OUR day so make sure it represents us and everyone will have a good time since they are there celebrating with us.

overachiever532, you decide what you want at your wedding, that's the rule of thumb I'm going with for ours, what my FI and I want.  If You want the dollar dance cause it's fun for you, then you should have it.  You will never please everyone no matter how hard you try, so since it's your wedding make sure number one, you two are happy with everything.  

Dreamergirl8812

I had never heard of the dollar dance until they had one at a wedding I attended a few years ago (in San Diego). I didn't participate because I didn't want to dance with the groom, but a lot of people enjoyed it. I wasn't offended. I knew they had spent a lot of money on the reception and friends and relatives got a little one-on-one time with the bride or groom during the song. I'm not going to do it at mine but think that you need to not worry so much about people judging you. If they don't want to participate, they won't. It's a dollar. Oh, and it's different than slavery... because it's a dollar dance.