Help me please?

theluckiest555

Hey ladies, I would really appreciate your help. I know that this is something that only my fiance and I can resolve, but I just need you all to talk me through this.

I am having trouble deciding what to do about my last name. I have to do it soon so I need to make a decision haha. Changing my name is not an option for several reasons, but mainly just because my last name means a lot to me. My options are to either hyphenate my name so it would be molly maidenname-hisname, or not change my name at all so my name would just stay as it is now. Thoughts on this? Pros/cons? I know for many of you, the decision you would make is not mentioned, but if you personally had to choose from these two options, what would you do?

Thanks ladies!

DramaGeek

I did hyphenate sort of.  I was Laura MyName HisName.  Maybe it was because of the lack of hyphen, but most people would drop my name from it.  Not just socially, either.  Randomly the Drs office or mechanic would decide I only needed to be Laura HisName.  People don't know how to alphabetize a combined name very well, it's long, some older databases don't do well with hyphenated names...on and on.  Plus, it just got easier to only use one name, so I started just using mine.  A few months ago H told me I should just drop his all together, so I did.  I'm much happier with just one last name.

theluckiest555

Thank you, that was a very helpful thing to know! I appreciate it.

Lisa50

Only you know what you really want to do.  Follow your heart.  But, if you still need to think about it, give yourself all the time you need.  There is no reason to change your name immediately, if that is your choice.  Good luck!

ETA:  Oh, and me?  I did not change my name when I married the first time.  I do not plan to change my name this time around.

theluckiest555

Thank you, Lisa. You always give such good advice!

Miracle520

I am choosing to hyphenate and FI is actually going to as well. So we'll be Mr and Mrs mylastname-hislastname. For work we'll be sticking our original names as I'm a teacher and he owns a business but legally and socially we're pushing the hyphen :-)

AdeleDazeem

I'm not changing my name.  My last name means a great deal to me.  Now that I'm married, I'm a little sad that my husband and I don't share a name, but not upset enough to give up my identity for the past thirty years.

I will happily respond to Mrs. HisLastName socially and get excited to see it on envelopes and emails, but I will never legally chagne my name.  This is my happy medium on this issue.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4cf94274-c39a-4513-9eb5-566cd81773c0Post:a51564dd-eead-4ec4-8b48-b6b2cd9ff285">Re: Help me please?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am choosing to hyphenate and FI is actually going to as well. So we'll be Mr and Mrs mylastname-hislastname. For work we'll be sticking our original names as I'm a teacher and he owns a business but legally and socially we're pushing the hyphen :-)
Posted by Miracle520[/QUOTE]

<div>If you will legally be Yours-His, you will need to make sure that all of your work paperwork - taxes, payroll, etc - is done that way, too, even if you don't plan to go by Yours-His at work.  You probably already knew that, but just in case :-)</div>

Soon2BeMrsTing

OP, you've probably already considered this, but I scrapped my middle name and became First Maiden Hislastname.  Socially, I could go by the full name or just the new First Hislastname combo (I'm still deciding.)  Legally, I kept my maiden name, in a sense, and it stays with me.  Lots of women I know, from various places, have done the same, as it seems to be a simpler solution than hyphenating while achieving almost the same objective.

sklink0486

I really like Soon's suggestion. My fiance is Filipino and they actually have 4 names- First, Middle, Mother's maiden, and father's. But the mother's maiden in place of a middle is nicer to me. 

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4cf94274-c39a-4513-9eb5-566cd81773c0Post:faea49dc-1c1e-4471-bfa7-16a7bd1e1078">Re: Help me please?</a>:
[QUOTE]I did hyphenate sort of.  I was Laura MyName HisName.  Maybe it was because of the lack of hyphen, but most people would drop my name from it.  Not just socially, either.  Randomly the Drs office or mechanic would decide I only needed to be Laura HisName.  People don't know how to alphabetize a combined name very well, it's long, some older databases don't do well with hyphenated names...on and on.  Plus, it just got easier to only use one name, so I started just using mine.  A few months ago H told me I should just drop his all together, so I did.  I'm much happier with just one last name.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ugh.. I did the exact same thing.  It's so annoyed.  The airlines call me Lynda MaidennameHisname  all smashed together. no space or hyphen.. I hate it.</div><div>
</div><div>While I'm still legally Myname Hisname I find I'm dropping my maiden name more and more.   At least socially.

</div>

Miracle520

In Response to Re: Help me please? : If you will legally be Yours-His, you will need to make sure that all of your work paperwork - taxes, payroll, etc - is done that way, too, even if you don't plan to go by Yours-His at work.  You probably already knew that, but just in case :-)
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

Thanks! We know all binding docs for taxes and pay roll as well as his business materials will have to be swapped over. We just want to go by old names in speaking for ease. It's a good point to bring up though because some people forget to change everything over :-)

Allycat11

First of all, only you know what will be best for you   More and more women are keeping their last name.  As PPs said keep in mind the hyphen or space confuses people. 
Also, if you plan to have children, discuss now what you would do for their last name.  If you are not sharing a last name with your husband and/or children be prepared to show proof with a marriage license or birth cerificate for anything government, medical or school related and occassional other things (I work for a health club and need proof that people are related if they don't share a last name...when I tell new members this, many aren't surprised and say they deal with it other places too).  I don't mean that to be discouraging, just something to prepare for.
Personally, I am changing my last name because it works best for me.  I have no attachment to my last name and I was adopted so through genetics it's not even my last name (even if I wasn't I don't know that it would make a difference).  I also like the idea of sharing a last name with my husband and children.  But that's what is best for me.

handfast4me

I married the first time in 1985.  I didn't change it to my first husband's very complex French-Canadian name.  We hyphenated our daughter's name (our only child).  I felt it was important because my dad had no sons and no brothers, so I wanted my last name to be passed on.  When I remarried 3 years ago, again, I kept my last name.  My current husband's last name is Ukrainian, hard to pronounce, and it ends in a Z, for crying out loud.  

I talked to a lawyer about all of this, and he recommended that one not hyphenate when they marry (for many of the reasons listed above). 

Interestingly, when my daughter, now 25, got married last year, she moved my name to her middle name, dropped her dad's name, and took her husband's last name.  So, my last name still ends with that generation, but that's her decision. I did my best.  :-)