Bridal shower

Sagenhaft

There is a long story to go along with this problem, but here is the gist of it:

My mother is a witch. She is unsupportive, complains about everything, doesn't know my FI's name, has no interest in meeting my FILs, and is just doing everything she can to rock the boat.

My FMIL and I have a great relationship. She is really upset about the things my mother has been doing lately and wants to throw me a bridal shower (she told FI this, and he told me because he didn't want me to melt-down if I was surprised by it).

TBH, I am a little hurt that my BMs aren't planning to throw me a shower. I know it's not required of them, and I would never ask for one, but as my close friends I would have thought they'd want to do this for me (I would have done it for them). On top of that, there is so much drama with my mother who would be furious beyond words if a bridal shower happened here (I live in OH, same as FI and FILs) rather than in MA where my family lives.

Is a bridal shower one of those things you remember and cherish for ever? Or is it just a wedding thing you do to say you did it? I don't want to miss out on a good opportunity to have a shower, but I also think that I would just be upset that my BMs weren't involved and, of course, the inevitable shiit that will come from mother dearest. FI offered to make an excuse to FMIL if I really don't want a bridal shower, but FI doesn't have any sisters and I know FMIL is dying to be involved in the wedding as much as possible.

Is it worth stirring the pot over?

TIA.

jenn.daniel

I'd be honored if my FMIL wanted to throw me a bridal shower.  It sounds like you have a good relationship with yours, so I say it'd be great.

MyNameIsNot

Honestly, it sounds like your mother is going to be a pain regardless of what you do.  So, what good would it do to skip the shower?  I mean, if your relationship with your mom isn't that great, this isn't going to be the thing that ruins it.

I'm thinking you could accept the shower.  Have it in OH, and just not bring it up with your mom.  If she asks, you can just say that FMIL wanted to do something for the local people in OH.  

trix1223

ditto MNIN:  your mother will b!tch no matter where the shower is.  So make it easier for her. 

Really-accept your FMIL's lovely offer.  And enjoy your shower.  Remember this regarding your mom:  you can't control the actions of other people.  You can only control how you respond to those actions.

bbyckes

Isn't a shower a shower regardless of who throws it?  You are so fortunate that your FMIL is willing to throw you a shower at all.

Sagenhaft

Thanks, ladies. I wasn't sure if it was worth the extra headache, but I'll go along with it.

kari316

I think it's nice that your fmil wants to do it for you.  i think it would be nice of your bridesmaids to chip in - i have been in many weddings and usually the mom, aunts, etc. throw it but i was in one where we all chipped in.  way more $ than i think we needed to but that's another story... but even if they just have it at someone's house i think it's a nice gesture.  personally my shower was fun but i don't think my wedding memories woudl be incomplete had i not had it.  i live far from my family and some friends, so it was nice to all get together and have a ladies' day to celebrate, we had a wine tasting which was nice but it was only about 4 of my friends other than the BMs, and some family.  i don't think it has to be a big deal - just the closest women in your life celebrating your happiness.  i wouldn't be devastated if you don't have it but maybe stress to everyone that you just want to have a nice little get-together and it doesn't have to be anything fancy - that way they don't feel obligated to spend a lot of money.

kaynix21

Yeah, let your FMIL throw you one if she wants to, that's sweet.

Maybe your BMS don't have the $$$ to throw you one or havent' gotten around to it yet, or maybe didn't think that maybe they should. Don't be upset with them it's no biggie and I don't think a shower is something you cherish forever you know?

If your FMIL asks you for a guest list, put your BMs on there if it's OK with her, at least they'll be around.

My MoH wasn't getting on top of it so my aunt decided she wanted to do it and had my mom call my MoH and ask if it was OK and that she could feel free to help but didn't have to. So my aunt throws the shower and my MoH is going to do my bachelorette, and everyone is happy.

BTW sorry your mom is such a b!tch.

lilkimber

How do you know that your BMs will not be throwing you a shower?  Are they also in MA? 
I agree thought that a shower is a shower, and it's awesome that your FMIL wants to take initiative!

Beth0882

You can always tell your mom that she could throw you a shower in MA so her family and friends could attend for you as well as having the shower thrown by your FMIL so that your local friends and futur family can attend.  There's no rule saying you can only have one shower if people are willing to throw them, as long as you aren't sending double invites to people.