God

Melissa.hylton

I know religon is very touchy. So please understand this isnt a debate over wether I should believe in it or not. 

FI is a believer. He understands that I am not. I believe in evolution amoung other things. We decided to go with a wedding officant who is a pastor at FI father's church, we have yet to have a meeting with and will in the coming weeks. 

Im curious if anyone has ran into any issues with a pastor not marrying you because you dont believe in god? We are not getting married in a church either.I am willing to accept that 95% at the wedding DO believe in god and there will be a prayer. I am able to bow my head in respect for others beliefs but I dont feel like our ceremony needs to lay heavily on god. I told FI if I have to repeat a quote or saying or whatever that has the word god or is god based I will do so for him.  How do you go abouts having a religous but non religous ceremony with a pastor allowing it???

Lark2013

It really depends on the pastor as to wether or not they will marry you.  One of my friends was not at all religious, and was very blunt and rude about it to the pastor, so the guy naturally refused to marry them.  Talk to the pastor honestly, explain that you are okay with your FI religous orienation, and don't disrespect the religion.  This should help you with having him officiate, but you may need to make some compromises (speaking from the Catholic wedding experience).  And not all weddings are religous.  You could have it oriented around a general higher power (religious or universal).  Good luck!

NOLAbridealmost

I agree with PP....pastors will vary in whether they'll preside over a wedding of a non-believer.  Another option is to hire a JOP or other secular officiant and just have them include a blessing. 

saacjw

Yup, totally depends on the pastor. I'm sure a lot won't mind, especially if you're polite about you're beliefs and because it's important to your fiance. I know that the priest I grew up with would not have a problem and that my church's rules is that only one person being married must be a baptised Christian and probably should be practicing. The ceremony can be adjusted to be "god-lite" if you want and if the church allows it (churches like mine have very perscriptive formulas). I was at one over the summer that had readings and the actual marriage wording, but not much else religious. 

Just one other thing, because this drives me nuts, even though it's not on topic really. You can be a believer in god and believe in evolution. The two are not mutually exclusive (not trying to say you should believe in god, just that you can believe in both and a lot of people do). Sorry, again, rant done. 

toothpastechica

I agree that it depends on the pastor/church. However almost ALL pastors will require some form of pre-marital counselling and at 2 months out you might not have time unless you are able to commit to meeting with the pastor every week, its usually 5-8 sessions depending on what materials the church uses.

Melissa.hylton

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_god?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:564167c8-4663-4408-94e9-597c328f215dPost:9dabe116-9b60-40e1-806b-8a872f2020b4">Re: God</a>:
[QUOTE]Yup, totally depends on the pastor. I'm sure a lot won't mind, especially if you're polite about you're beliefs and because it's important to your fiance. I know that the priest I grew up with would not have a problem and that my church's rules is that only one person being married must be a baptised Christian and probably should be practicing. The ceremony can be adjusted to be "god-lite" if you want and if the church allows it (churches like mine have very perscriptive formulas). I was at one over the summer that had readings and the actual marriage wording, but not much else religious.  Just one other thing, because this drives me nuts, even though it's not on topic really. <strong>You can be a believer in god and believe in evolution. The two are not mutually exclusive (not trying to say you should believe in god, just that you can believe in both and a lot of people do). Sorry, again, rant done. </strong>
Posted by saacjw[/QUOTE]

<div>I actually dont believe in ANY higher power at all.</div><div>
</div><div> My children do go to church and I allow them to make their own choice. I dont lecture them on what I feel is right or wrong because I think reliogon is a personal choice you must want in your life. Thank you all for your responses. I was kind of nervous about this considering my FPIL were talking about this to me. </div><div>
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saacjw

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_god?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:564167c8-4663-4408-94e9-597c328f215dPost:624db599-e29c-4099-9e9a-8fad9af23af2">Re: God</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: God : <strong> I actually dont believe in ANY higher power at all. </strong> My children do go to church and I allow them to make their own choice. I dont lecture them on what I feel is right or wrong because I think reliogon is a personal choice you must want in your life. Thank you all for your responses. I was kind of nervous about this considering my FPIL were talking about this to me. 
Posted by Melissa.hylton[/QUOTE]

I didn't think you did, it was just one of the things you wrote made it sound like the two were mutually exclusive, and again, it's one of those things that bugs me...

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_god?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:564167c8-4663-4408-94e9-597c328f215dPost:874fca15-4e75-4c32-a689-f318787df4eb">Re: God</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: God : I didn't think you did, it was just one of the things you wrote made it sound like the two were mutually exclusive, and again, it's one of those things that bugs me...
Posted by saacjw[/QUOTE]

Yup, that statement bugged me too.  Thanks for reiterating that!

jenajjthr

Yup, believe in God/Higher Power/etc.   Teach science in high school, completely believe in evolution and other non-christian ideas like the Big Bang Theory.  Please don't lump all christians in one size fits all just as you don't want to be lumped into a one size fits all either.

Melissa.hylton

I think everyone can believe in whatever religon or power or whatever they want. I dont jump down anyones throat for not believing. I dont lecture either. Like I said before its a personal choice. I went to church as a little girl up until I was in my teens. I also did bible study. But the more and more I read the more I felt that I didnt agree with what I was hearing. So I made the personal choice to not follow any religon. I like the fact that my children are interested in god and go to church but I wont tell them they are wrong or he doesnt exsist becasue thats what they want to believe in. I am pretty much the only one in my family who is a non believer so on holidays or gatherings when we get together and a prayer happens. I bow my head and be quiet out of respect for them. I dont piss and moan and bitch in a corner and not be involved.I dont think their is anything wrong with believing or non believing. I didnt lump any person into 1 catagory or feel like i think of people as a catagory. 

TiffannieF

I know our officiant wouldn't have married us unless we were both reborn but DH and I are religious and we wanted our officiant to also be religious.

I know some brides on here have had similar situation as you so I think you two will be able to get married...don't get discouraged if your FI's pastor says no.

Turtle&Star

If this pastor isn't willing to do it, another option would be a Unitarian Universalist minister. UUs include non-believers as well as believers, and I think most UU pastors would be very comfortable with finding a way to acknowledge and respect both of your perspectives.

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_god?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:564167c8-4663-4408-94e9-597c328f215dPost:c5b785a7-f557-4e6b-9679-3beea423a4d9">Re: God</a>:
[QUOTE]If this pastor isn't willing to do it, another option would be a Unitarian Universalist minister. UUs include non-believers as well as believers, and I think most UU pastors would be very comfortable with finding a way to acknowledge and respect both of your perspectives.
Posted by Turtle&Star[/QUOTE]

Good suggestion!

bananas1309

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_god?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:564167c8-4663-4408-94e9-597c328f215dPost:54035904-4fd3-402f-b492-bff2d33e1671">Re: God</a>:
[QUOTE]I think everyone can believe in whatever religon or power or whatever they want. I dont jump down anyones throat for not believing. I dont lecture either. Like I said before its a personal choice. I went to church as a little girl up until I was in my teens. I also did bible study. But the more and more I read the more I felt that I didnt agree with what I was hearing. So I made the personal choice to not follow any religon. I like the fact that my children are interested in god and go to church but I wont tell them they are wrong or he doesnt exsist becasue thats what they want to believe in. I am pretty much the only one in my family who is a non believer so on holidays or gatherings when we get together and a prayer happens. I bow my head and be quiet out of respect for them. I dont piss and moan and bitch in a corner and not be involved.I dont think their is anything wrong with believing or non believing. I didnt lump any person into 1 catagory or feel like i think of people as a catagory. 
Posted by Melissa.hylton[/QUOTE]



I'm a non-believer myself, as is my fiance, and I've been curious about officiants as well. My family is Irish Catholic and his family is Baptist. We're trying to find a happy medium between our families beliefs, as well as our non beliefs. I have been afraid to even bring it up on TK boards because someone always gets offended when religion is involved. I don't see how mentioning that you believe in evolution w/o a higher power is somehow offensive. I appreciate you posting this!

[Deleted User]

See if you can write your own ceremony, I'm an athiest and wouldn't have done it any other way.  Yay, athiest hate.  Bring it on, also wahoo for evolution!

Sorry, thought you needed some non-believer support  Like others have said, you'll have to speak to the pastor and see how strict the church is, respect will go along way.

I could go on... Best of luck.

vlevitt

i don't think anyone was doing any atheist bashing.  it was just one or two people who twigged on op's intimating a generalized statement that believing in evolution somehow excludes people from being able to believe in GD or have religious conviction.  This of course is NOT the case for many people whose religious beliefs live side by side with a strong belief in evolution/big bang theory, etc. 

unfortch it seemed to have come across as atheist bashing, when it was originally just someone very genuinely posting their disagreement with the comment.  she also stated clearly that she's not trying to convince anyone to believe in GD, just that she saw this as stereotyping of people of faith as people who reject evolution. 

just goes to show you how polarizing the conversation about religion can be, even on a wedding chat board! 

ps:  OP, i think your willingness to incorporate religion into your wedding even though it doesn't mean much to you is an extremely generous way to start your marriage.  a lot of people wouldn't be as accomodating as you are willing to be.

aragx6

I agree with vlevitt. I'm an atheist and I still completely understand why there was some offense taken. Many Christians I know believe in evolution.

As others have said it will totally depend on the particular pastor/church. The UU suggestion if he won't is a very good one.

Spunky414

I read it as "I don't believe in a god, what I do believe in is evolution etc" But I'm an atheist who has done a lot of atheist adovacy work and the first thing believers tend to ask is "what do you believe in then?" but I'm just a heathen so what do I know? 

UU is a good way to go and shop around as each congregation is different, some are definitely more Christian leaning than others. I've found that unattached private officiants are usually quite flexible and I've gone to humanist meetings that had folks that identified as religionname-humanists. There's probably some ministers that do as well. 

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_god?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:564167c8-4663-4408-94e9-597c328f215dPost:e48228c1-acb6-4cf8-9408-c2b0841ac49f">Re: God</a>:
[QUOTE]Yup, believe in God/Higher Power/etc.   Teach science in high school, completely believe in evolution and other non-christian ideas like the Big Bang Theory.  Please don't lump all christians in one size fits all just as you don't want to be lumped into a one size fits all either.
Posted by jenajjthr[/QUOTE]

<div>jena - I am definitely a Christian who doesn't fall into the one size fits all.  I believe in the Big Bang Theory, but I think God put it in motion.</div><div>
</div><div>To those who are atheist/agnostic - I respect your opinion to make your choice and not bashing here.</div>