Can NOT having a money dance offend?

aurianna

I knew nothing about Dollar Dances before 5 years ago. Granted, I'd only been to 3 or 4 weddings at that point. But still, the first time I saw one, I was totally confused.
Fast foward: my fiance has a large family, and since we were together, I believe I've been to 5 weddings on his side, and they ALL did dollar dances. Also, the last 3 out of 4 of my own friends' weddings I've gone to had them too (though they were all in more rural locations than where I'm at).

I don't particularly want a dollar dance; I think they can be akward. My mother does not want one at all; she thinks they're tacky.

I just worry that my fiance and his family will feel like I'm poopooing on their traditions.

Thoughts?

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_can-not-having-money-dance-offend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:6a43cbeb-82ae-4c77-b988-4f3659f431a4Post:a153c65a-a218-4200-9119-3ad612fea887">Can NOT having a money dance offend?</a>:
[QUOTE] I just worry that my fiance and his family will feel like I'm poopooing on their traditions. Thoughts?
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

Talk to your FI. You two should be planing the wedding together. What does he say? After you talk, allow him to handle his family. He should know how his family will react or the best way to tell them.

SaraAndrew2010

Have you asked your FI how he and his family will feel if you don't do a dollar dance?  I think dollar dances are incredibly tacky.  If you don't want to do one, I think you should stand your ground and not do one.

sister2groom

You could do a "dollar dance" without actual money, e.g. leave monopoly money on the table, or have blank notes for people to write well-wishes to give to you to dance with them for.

megk8oz

I honestly think they're tacky ... but I'm also from an area where they are seriously frowned upon. I've only been to one wedding where one was done, and 2 years later, people still comment on how trashy they thought it was ... but again, I'm from an area where literally nobody does one.  In an area where they are common, it probably wouldn't get a harsh reaction.

You could always do a "wish dance" instead: same concept, but instead of money, your guests write down good wishes or marriage advice on little slips of paper and give those to you and your FI when they dance with you.

aerinpegadrak

I'm all for the wish dance, especially in cases like yours where one family always does them and the other has never seen them.  The nice thing about it is that it still allows people who want to give you money during the dance to do so, but doesn't force people who hadn't planned on it to contribute or feel awkward. 

aurianna

Thanks everyone. We quasi-talked about it once. I indicated I didn't know if I wanted one, but there's been no sit-down, definitive talk, because I'm a fraidy cat and don't like confrontation. He's very sensitive about some things, so I thought I'd hear input / get new ideas before bringing it up.

Thanks so much for the alternative ideas.

omgitscasey

Being from St. Louis as well nearly every wedding I have been to has had a dollar dance.. I don't know if we will do one (I haven't asked FI or his family their opinons).. But I don't really see why anyone would be offended if you DON'T have one.. You could always just forget to have it.

sosterhout

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_can-not-having-money-dance-offend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:6a43cbeb-82ae-4c77-b988-4f3659f431a4Post:a153c65a-a218-4200-9119-3ad612fea887">Can NOT having a money dance offend?</a>:
[QUOTE]I knew nothing about Dollar Dances before 5 years ago. Granted, I'd only been to 3 or 4 weddings at that point. But still, the first time I saw one, I was totally confused. Fast foward: my fiance has a large family, and since we were together, I believe I've been to 5 weddings on his side, and they ALL did dollar dances. Also, the last 3 out of 4 of my own friends' weddings I've gone to had them too (though they were all in more rural locations than where I'm at). I don't particularly want a dollar dance; I think they can be akward. My mother does not want one at all; she thinks they're tacky. I just worry that my fiance and his family will feel like I'm poopooing on their traditions. Thoughts?
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]


Have you spoken to his mother/sister/aunt/cousin to see if this really is a tradition or if the other couples just chose to do this on there own.

skippylouwho

I'm offended when people have the. As your guest I think it is the just about the tackiest, rudest thing you can do.

Lisa50

My first thought is, "What does your FI think of having a money dance??"  I'm not so sure you should let your mother's (or others') opinions direct whether you do or do not have a money dance.

That said, I don't see how NOT having the dance can truly offend someone.  It could make people wonder if you're familiar with the tradition.  But who cares?  There are plenty of traditions we choose not to follow.  And, since I've only seen money dances in certain geographic areas, I'm sure you'll have guests that aren't familiar with that particular, local tradition.

It's really a joint decision for you and your fiance to make.  Best of luck!

chocoholic4life

I like the idea of a wish dance that has been suggested.  How is it introduced if people have never heard of it, such as in OP's situation with some of the family?  In my area, people know what a dollar dance is, but I've never seen the wish dance at a wedding.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_can-not-having-money-dance-offend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:6a43cbeb-82ae-4c77-b988-4f3659f431a4Post:45fd9f18-2855-4548-91b6-ed16e888a8b2">Re: Can NOT having a money dance offend?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone. We quasi-talked about it once. I indicated I didn't know if I wanted one, but<strong> there's been no sit-down, definitive talk, because I'm a fraidy cat and don't like confrontation.</strong> He's very sensitive about some things, so I thought I'd hear input / get new ideas before bringing it up. Thanks so much for the alternative ideas.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

I predict a long and successful marriage for you if you're too afraid to talk to your FI about things that might be difficult.

marissa_claire

As obnoxious as the money dance is, I do see one good side to it - being that guests get to actually talk to someone one on one for a minute.  I don't think the money should even be there, so maybe you could just have a song to have a line to dance with the bride and groom.  

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_can-not-having-money-dance-offend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:6a43cbeb-82ae-4c77-b988-4f3659f431a4Post:de3a11c0-dea5-4856-9ae0-26db3a65e1ba">Re: Can NOT having a money dance offend?</a>:
[QUOTE]As obnoxious as the money dance is, I do see one good side to it - <strong>being that guests get to actually talk to someone one on one for a minute. </strong> I don't think the money should even be there, so maybe you could just have a song to have a line to dance with the bride and groom.  
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

Exactly marissa:  If a couple has time for a money dance, then they have time to dance with the guests without money changing hands. 

OP:  I married into a family that ALWAYS has a money dance.  Always.  Always.  Except for our wedding.  We didn't get a single complaint that people got to return home with money in their pockets.

snowflake350

The majority of the weddings I have been to have had money dances and we will be doing one.  As a guest I always enjoy the money dance and may be a little dissapointed if it is not done, but never offended.

mcornelissen

I've never been to a money dance wedding. But we've been to weddings where guests pin money to the brides dress. And more recently the groomsmen "kidnapped" the bride and the guests had to pay the ransom money. Was very different and even a bit entertaining.

wallyandkristin

Anything can offend people, its a wedding, it brings out the crazy in families.

NOLAbridealmost

I doubt that omitting the dance would offend anyone. Having it, however, seems really trashy to me and I am guessing many guests would feel the same way. 

jenngb

I have never been to a wedding that didn't have a money dance. Well wait- I guess the one I went to this weekend did not. It depends on where you live. I currently live in a city where it's not common and I am very sad about that. The city I grew up in always had a money dance at every wedding.

jenngb

So you do not need to have one. It's your wedding. Do as you please.