yay or nay for Weekday weddings?

wiccan17

Never posted on a discussion board before lol Here is my dilemma...

We are considering a monday wedding. i want to get married on my grandparents anniversary, which is monday sept 30th of this year. opinions? Was hoping for both positive and negative input. I have never been to a weekday wedding... not sure how people would react to the idea, especially being within the first month of school for people with children. Almost all of our guests will be traveling between 4 and 12 hours to attend our wedding.... 

i have gone over the pros and cons but still really want sept 30 to be our date.........

MairePoppy

If you decide that the date is that important to you, then clear it with your VIPs, first.Your guests that have to travel will have to take off two work days for your wedding. You'll probably get a lot of declines.

melb2013

I'd decline- I work in the afternoon and evenings during the week and it's almost impossible for me to take a day off.

Avion22

I agree that you should check with your VIPs first.   You are unlikely to find any date (weekend or weekday) that will suit every single one of your guests, so at some point you just have to pick the date you want, invite people, and see what happens.

You can help your guests out by sending out Save-the-Dates 6-9 months in advance, emphasizing that the wedding is on MONDAY September 30th -- this will give people the opportunity to re quest time off from work if they need to.  Ultimately I don't think a Monday would be too big of a problem (better than, say, a Wednesday) if people have enough notice.

Personally, it would be hard for me to attend a weekday wedding if it was out-of-town because I just don't have that much time off from work, but I would figure something out for a close friend or family member.  

a6a14173

For me a weekday wedding is fine during certain times of the year, but late September is impossible to book off. Although there were other dates that were significant for me and my FI, I decided that a date that allowed the most people to be there with the fewest inconveniences to others was the way to go.

AddieCake

Definitely check with your VIPs. For me, as a teacher, certain times of the year are not good to be gone. If I were in town, it would depend on what time the ceremony was. One of my cousins got married on a Friday, and it started kind of early, making it difficult to get to since I also worked 45 minutes away. By the time I got off work, got home and got ready and then drove to the ceremony, I was really rushing to get there, but then I was able to stay as late as I wanted b/c it was a Friday. On a Monday, I would not be able to stay late b/c that then sets the tone of my tiredness for the whole rest of the week. 

We got married on March 24th, and both sets of my grandparents had been married on March 25th, and both of those marriages lasted "until death do us part." We hadn't planned it; it just worked out that way, but once it did, we saw it as a good luck vibe that we were at least getting married so close to their date. If the date means so much to you, could you possibly do it the Saturday or Sunday before and talk yourself into that same vibe? 

libby2483

I am attending a weekday wedding for my best friend this year.  Other than my sister, she is literally the only person I would travel to attend a weekday wedding for.  

There is nothing wrong with a weekday wedding, but you need to be prepared for large numbers of guests to decline, especially since so many of your guests need to travel so far.

HobokensFury

Sorry but I think it's ridiculous of you to expect people to travel 4-12 hours for a weekday weekday wedding. It's very presumptuous of you to expect them to take multiple days off of work for your wedding.  If you do this expect most people to decline.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:8483f36a-2ba7-4667-b574-1a547d0c9c45">Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry but I think it's ridiculous of you to expect people to travel 4-12 hours for a weekday weekday wedding. It's very presumptuous of you to expect them to take multiple days off of work for your wedding.  If you do this expect most people to decline.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

This is a little too harshly worded in my opinion, because I don't think it's "very presumptuous" to invite people.  They don't have to accept-invitations are not subpoenas.

That said, I do agree that many people can't and therefore won't accept invitations to weddings on weekdays.   I myself am among them.  So I'd think very hard about whether or not this is a risk you want to run-especially if those who decline are particularly important to you, like bridal party members or close friends or relatives.

RamonaFlowers

Unless you're my sibling or very bestest friend in the whole wide world, I'm not traveling 4-12 hours to get to your weekday wedding. It's not even up for a debate, it just is not happening. And if you are my sibling or very bestest friend in the whole wide world asking me to travel 4-12 hours to get to your weekday wedding I'm going to go because I love you ... but I'm also going to be more than a tad annoyed with you for deliberately picking a date you knew was inconvenient for absolutely everybody. And I know I'm not even remotely alone in my feelings on the matter.

If you only want to invite a few people and have an intimate reception that ends early (Some people really might come and then try to get home the same day) and you're not going to be upset if people can't make it, then getting married on a Monday is fine.

However, if you're hoping for some giant reception with 50+ guests and everybody staying until 10/11 pm dancing, you're going to be incredibly disappointed.

SKPM

I think it's ridiculous to put that much priority in a date. I mean, you can, but I would much rather increase my odds of people actually showing up than have the exact anniversary of my grandparents. Why not do it the weekend prior (1-3 days off from the anniversary) and give a nod to your grandparents in a "thank you for joining us" toast. (I couldn't tell from your post whether they are still alive and married, so this could either be a "congratulations" thing or an "in honor and loving memory of" thing.) Or do something else entirely to commemorate their anniversary. My male cousins all wore ties that had belonged to my late grandfather to our wedding, it was perfect; the family members got it but it wasn't in-your-face. We also used a pair of toasting flutes at our wedding that had belonged to my grandparents from their 50th anniversary party.

daria24

I don't place much significance on dates, so I wouldn't have a wedding on a Monday just because it was some magical day of the year. I would attend a Monday night wedding, if it was less than a hour away. 4-12 hours...not a chance. 

Of course you can still have your wedding on that date, but I would make sure everyone I absolutely wanted to be there, would be OK with the date. 

Summer2011Bride

I would not attend a Monday wedding 4-12 hours away unless you were my sister. And even then I would tell you I thought it was a bad idea.

Sure you can check with VIPs and send out STDs in advance, but if you go the Monday route, I would realistically be ready to have a large number of declines. No, you will never find a date that works for everyone, but asking people to travel overnight (because you couldn't turn around and travel 12 hours back that same day) and spend at least one night OOT during the week is tough for the majority of people who work M-F jobs.

I really wouldn't put too much stock in a date. I understand why you like that date, but could you do something else at your wedding to honor your grandparents (it's unclear if they are still living or not)? Make a toast to them, have their wedding photo displayed, etc if that is important to you? Or if you still have your grandparents, go out and celebrate with them on their anniversary. There are other ways to honor their marriage on their anniversary besides have your wedding on that day.

random4180

Given your specific details, I probably wouldn't do it- and this is coming from someone who had a successful Wednesday wedding! 4-12 hours travel time is a lot on any day of the week and on a weekday, I think it's a pretty significant inconvenience, one that could really impact your acceptance rate. I actually had a fairly good turnout (over 75% accepted) but most guests lived within an hour away from our location. It was a summer wedding as well- if you have a lot of students or teachers, like we did, a summer wedding helps but the opposite is true for a September 30th wedding. Most teachers wouldn't be taking time off that close to the start of school, unless you're planning around a holiday weekend (for instance, this school year the Jewish holidays created some three-day September weekends.) If you know for a fact that those holidays would give your guests travel time, that would certainly change my opinion on the potential success of your attendance rate but otherwise, Monday is a tough day for students, teachers, and guests with children (even if the kids are not invited.) 

PP have given you some good alternatives to keeping the date special and it might be a good idea to consider that. I understand the significance of a date (we were married on our fifth anniversary) but other things like budget (NYC is the most expensive place in the country to get married in and we were on a tight budget- less than 15k for over 100 guests,) VIP and guest schedules (we had a number of people who have 24/7 schedules so weekends aren't easier to get off) and we also had teachers and students who had flexibility in the summer, our personal desire to not have a long engagement (married a year from our engagement,) and a realistic view of the kind of wedding we wanted (no afterparty, no day after brunch, newlyweds in bed before midnight, lol) all helped us in our final decision to have a weekday wedding. Good luck and congrats on your engagement!

kmmssg

You may need to decide which is more important to you, the date or the guests?

There is no way I would travel 4-12 hours to a weekday wedding.  If you were my sister or my BFF, I would call and ask why you were making such inconvenient plans.

Check with your VIPs and go from there.  I also think you will have a lot of declines.  As long as you accept that graciously and are ok with it then go for it.

JoanE2012

Isn't the attendance of your family and friends more important than a date?  Personally, I'd pick a date that was on a weekend so I could insure the best possible attendance by those I want there.  It's great that you want to get married on your grandparents anniversary, but won't that significance be diminished by the probable dismal attendance?

misssunshine17

 I also would not attend. I think weddings not on a weekend are generally presumtous, that non-local guests want to take off time to go to your wedding. I mostly feel this way because people come here and say that their venue costs half on a Thursday, but then if you add in the lost wages, you're probably not helping anybody. 

I thin it's absurd with the travel times you have listed. For me, the date is not nearly as important (my parents 35th is two days later) as having the people closest to me at my wedding. 

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:0838d484-b6a4-428d-9d7b-ff28e61fbaeb">Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings? :<strong> This is a little too harshly worded in my opinion, because I don't think it's "very presumptuous" to invite people.  They don't have to accept-invitations are not subpoenas</strong>. That said, I do agree that many people can't and therefore won't accept invitations to weddings on weekdays.   I myself am among them.  So I'd think very hard about whether or not this is a risk you want to run-especially if those who decline are particularly important to you, like bridal party members or close friends or relatives.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

When you invite someone to your wedding it's because they are near and dear to you.  You presume they will be in attendance because of this.  12 hours travel on a weekday is expecting too much, even if it's your mother or your sister. You may think it's harsh but more than one person is doing to think way worse when they get the invite.  It's better for OP to hear honest opinions that to sugar coat things.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:51b08a1d-ecbf-4b53-8189-e14183dc2281">Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings? : When you invite someone to your wedding it's because they are near and dear to you.  You presume they will be in attendance because of this.  12 hours travel on a weekday is expecting too much, even if it's your mother or your sister. You may think it's harsh but more than one person is doing to think way worse when they get the invite.  It's better for OP to hear honest opinions that to sugar coat things.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but while scheduling a wedding for that time makes it riskier that people won't attend, even mothers and sisters are not "required" to attend weddings, so it doesn't make it "presumptuous" to schedule a wedding for whenever one likes.  What is "presumptous" is to tell someone when to hold their wedding.  If one can't attend at the time one is scheduled, one merely declines and lets it go at that.

 

Jayceestar27

If the date is that important to you then I'd go for it. Maybe its just my thinking but the ones you really want there are going to be there regardless of the day because they know its special to you. I would plan on many not coming however.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:fba2b49d-6392-440c-aefc-a430fe3a1499">Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]If the date is that important to you then I'd go for it. ;) Maybe its just my thinking but the ones you really want there are going to be there regardless of the day because they know its special to you. I would plan on many not coming however.
Posted by Jayceestar27[/QUOTE]

This isn't true. I missed one of my best friend's weddings because she got married on a Thursday morning exactly 2 months after myself. I couldn't take any more time off from work.  It killed me not to be there but it just wasn't possible.

MyNameIsNot

Honestly, if I received an invitation to a Monday wedding that would involve travelling, I would assume that you didn't really want me to come anyway.  Depending on who the invitation came from, I might also assume that the invitation was just for a gift.  

Ask around to your VIPs and see what people say.  If you were in a situation where most of your friends and family were employed in an industry that doesn't work M-F, Monday could be a convenient day.  But in the OP, you mention people with children and quite a bit of travelling.  You have to understand that most responsible parents are just not going to take their kids out of school for multiple days over a wedding.  Picking this day probably means quite a few of your guests are either going to not be able to come or coming would be a real hardship.  Don't do that to your guests.  

No date is going to be convenient for everyone, but choose a date that will work for the bulk of your guests.  If you want to honor your grandparents' anniversary, choose a date the weekend before or after, or do something else special on that day.  You could always have a party for them unrelated to your wedding.  

Peledreamsofrain

I don't think a weekday wedding is rude, but I do think it's highly likely that your attendance rate will be lower than it could be.You will have to make a personal decision here:  Is the date more important, or is having specific people present at your wedding more important?

For me personally, the answer would be the people.  But that is my own personal decision I would make.  I would want the memories and the pictures with my family that I could forever treasure, because I'm a sap like that :P.

That and I wanted my guests dancing and partying well into the night.  Hah, I heard later they had to be shooed out by hotel staff at midnight, then a group of the younger family members took the party to a local bar.  So happy they had that much fun.

Amanda1443994

I would attend a weekday wedding if I was an immediate relative or a very close friend. It would be a little inconvenient but I would still go. As others have said, if you don't mind many people declining, then get married on the Monday since it means a lot to you.

alenglish

I understand your dilemma. We are getting married on Halloween which is a Thursday. We chose the day because it is important to us (and our downright favorite day of the year). Occasionally when we tell people, they wrinkle their nose and say "really?". But then we just explain the importance to us and they tend to let it go. At the end of it all, it's always going to be our anniversary. Anyone who feels "inconvenienced" will only feel that way for one day. Also, the people who really care about us, wouldn't let rabid bears keep them away.

It's your wedding and your date. You pick it and stick to it (and your guns).

meggiemo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:bf010805-3f8e-4176-b9cc-cd77fdebc14e">yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Never posted on a discussion board before lol Here is my dilemma... We are considering a monday wedding. i want to get married on my grandparents anniversary, which is monday sept 30th of this year. opinions? Was hoping for both positive and negative input. I have never been to a weekday wedding... not sure how people would react to the idea, especially being within the first month of school for people with children. Almost all of our guests will be traveling between 4 and 12 hours to attend our wedding....  i have gone over the pros and cons but still really want sept 30 to be our date.........
Posted by wiccan17[/QUOTE]

<div>Are "most" of your guests traveling from a certain area? For example, we are having a Kansas City wedding, but MOST of our guests are from Chicago. If the date was that incredibly important to me, I would move my wedding to Chicago to accomodate my guests and increase my VIPs chances of accepting our invitation. However, if your most important guests are all spread out, I think you may really be taking a chance. </div><div>
</div><div>Another option... what if you had a small, private ceremony with just your parents/siblings on Monday and then held your reception the following Friday or Saturday? That way, you get the best of both worlds. You get your special anniversary date AND you get to celebrate it with your guests!</div>

STARMOON44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:fba2b49d-6392-440c-aefc-a430fe3a1499">Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe its just my thinking but the ones you really want there are going to be there regardless of the day because they know its special to you.
Posted by Jayceestar27[/QUOTE]

Ugh! This is exactly why weekday weddings are a problem.  Sure, if your my best friend or sister, I'm going to get myself to your wedding, but I'm going to think you're inconsiderate if you place it at an inconvenient time.  It's a two way street, this friendship thing- if you really want me there, pick a reasonable day.

For me it comes down to what is more special, the date? In which case have a lovely elopement.  Or the people- have it the Saturday before.

mdupon70997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:bf010805-3f8e-4176-b9cc-cd77fdebc14e">yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Never posted on a discussion board before lol Here is my dilemma... We are considering a monday wedding. i want to get married on my grandparents anniversary, which is monday sept 30th of this year. opinions? Was hoping for both positive and negative input. I have never been to a weekday wedding... not sure how people would react to the idea, especially being within the first month of school for people with children. Almost all of our guests will be traveling between 4 and 12 hours to attend our wedding....  i have gone over the pros and cons but still really want sept 30 to be our date.........
Posted by wiccan17[/QUOTE]

<div>It really depends on what you have in mind as far as ceremony and reception. If you're planning on having a bash for your reception, you'd be better off doing it on a Friday or Saturday. But if you're having a quiet reception with cocktails and hors dóeuvres you'd probably be ok. However, be prepared to have a lot of no-shows. Mondays are hard enough for most people...especially people with kids and jobs. Maybe consider getting married on September 30th, and then having a party the following Friday or Saturday for the people who couldn't attend the ceremony.</div>

random4180

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:1bee8a78-b458-4a07-9bfa-441e500a1e05">Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: yay or nay for Weekday weddings? : Ugh! This is exactly why weekday weddings are a problem.  Sure, if your my best friend or sister, I'm going to get myself to your wedding, but I'm going to think you're inconsiderate if you place it at an inconvenient time.  It's a two way street, this friendship thing- if you really want me there, pick a reasonable day. For me it comes down to what is more special, the date? In which case have a lovely elopement.  Or the people- have it the Saturday before.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

<div>First off, the PP you quoted does have the wrong idea of "anyone who really wants to can be there" because other people have their own lives, regardless of day. Obviously one couple's wedding does not trump all other people's lives. However, I view a weekday wedding as being on almost the same level as a destination wedding. To me, a destination wedding would likely be as much as a no-go for me as other people would consider a weekday wedding a dealbreaker for them. </div><div>
</div><div>A weekday wedding isn't always the easiest choice to make either and it kind of annoys me when people say "just have it on a Saturday" like everyone who decides on a weekday wedding hasn't already thought of that option (barring religious observations where a non-Saturday wedding is more common.) I mean, we totally considered the Saturday wedding but, y'know, we had a budget that was about half what we would have needed to have the <em>same </em>wedding three days later! And I wish I were exaggerating but I'm not- I would have had a much harder time getting my caterer, photographer, venue- even the church time would have been harder to schedule on a weekend. We could have invited fewer people, could have waited to get married and hoped things didn't climb out of our price range and people in poor health were still around to come, but that's a choice we made, much like our guests had to choose whether they wanted to come or not. I'm not saying that's OP's scenario but it was ours and we didn't pick our date to be inconsiderate or rude.</div>

erinandken2013

We, too, are having a weekday wedding. For sentimental reasons, I wanted to get married on the 7th of a month. I REALLY wanted to get married in May, but May 7th falls in the middle of the week. So, we selected a FRIDAY morning wedding. We're having a very small ceremony (only immediate family & very close friends) of about 50, so we know many of those will be attending (we're figuring around 35-40 actual attendees). Guess we figured if it's a FRIDAY, those nearest and dearest who wanted to attend could schedule off for Friday and then have the whole weekend. Our wedding is only a 30 to 60 minute drive for the vast majority of our invitees, though.

We sent out our save the date cards 9 months out, b/c we realize people who really want to come need time to make arrangements, so I would STRONGLY suggest sending save the dates.

Without a doubt, prepare for a large number of declines, but since the date is important to you (and I can certainly understand that), by all means, have at it! Be prepared for the declines, and don't take anyone's inability to attend as a reflection of their love for you or your fiance.

FutureMrsSkillern16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_yay-or-nay-for-weekday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:7dfac9b6-2ce7-4c51-8fec-1c10877fdd07Post:bf010805-3f8e-4176-b9cc-cd77fdebc14e">yay or nay for Weekday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Never posted on a discussion board before lol Here is my dilemma... We are considering a monday wedding. i want to get married on my grandparents anniversary, which is monday sept 30th of this year. opinions? Was hoping for both positive and negative input. I have never been to a weekday wedding... not sure how people would react to the idea, especially being within the first month of school for people with children. Almost all of our guests will be traveling between 4 and 12 hours to attend our wedding....  i have gone over the pros and cons but still really want sept 30 to be our date.........
Posted by wiccan17[/QUOTE]
I'd definitely do it. It'll save on money for sure because not everyone can make it to a weekday wedding. Just make sure the most important people to you will be there. Sure, some people won't come, but if they can't take the time to make you happy on your wedding day, they aren't too important :)