casual vs. traditional wedding?

Peachi831

My fiance and I want a very laid back ceremony and reception. I want a tea length dress, he's wearing a khaki suit. I have one MOH and he has a BM.  Small wedding party. We're getting married in July and want a cookout/picnic theme.  We want potted flowers and red and white checked placemats for center pieces.  And BBQ food (BBQ pulled chicken, coleslaw, etc.) and cupcakes instead of a cake.

I do want my dad to walk me down the aisle, my fiance and I are sharing a first dance (with other married couples), a monther/son and father/daughter dance, and cake cutting. We are skipping the boquet, garter, dollar dance, and some of the other traditional elements. I want a causal feel for our wedding, and for it to be a big party.  Because we are incoorporating some traditional elements (cake, dances, etc.) my mother thinks I need to make the rest of the ceremony and reception (decorations and our attire) more formal......any thoughts?

SaraAndrew2010

What you are planning sounds fine.  Just because a wedding is casual, that doesn't automatically make it non-traditional.  You can certainly include some traditional elements (cake cutting, first dance, etc) without needing to make the wedding formal.  It's perfectly fine to do those things at a casual wedding.

2dBride

There is no rule that says if you have one traditional element, you need to have others.  Check out this description of our wedding, in which pretty much every one of the traditional elements got tweaked a bit.

redheadfsu

Your mom is wrong. The level of formality does not prevent or allow traditions. Just tell your mother that you have decided on a casual wedding & then change the topic.

But, if your mom is paying, then this might get difficult. As the one who pays has control  over things like the level of formality.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_casual-vs-traditional-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:853f6351-154c-46a1-9f2f-dab7de227eb4Post:181ba460-abcd-46f0-851d-b4f699677b8d">casual vs. traditional wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I want a very laid back ceremony and reception. I want a tea length dress, he's wearing a khaki suit. I have one MOH and he has a BM.  Small wedding party. We're getting married in July and want a cookout/picnic theme.  We want potted flowers and red and white checked placemats for center pieces.  And BBQ food (BBQ pulled chicken, coleslaw, etc.) and cupcakes instead of a cake. I do want my dad to walk me down the aisle, my fiance and I are sharing a first dance (with other married couples), a monther/son and father/daughter dance, and cake cutting. We are skipping the boquet, garter, dollar dance, and some of the other traditional elements. I want a causal feel for our wedding, and for it to be a big party.  Because we are incoorporating some traditional elements (cake, dances, etc.) my mother thinks I need to make the rest of the ceremony and reception (decorations and our attire) more formal......any thoughts?
Posted by Peachi831[/QUOTE]

Who's paying for your wedding?

aerinpegadrak

Tradition and formality have nothing to do with each other.  Our wedding was fairly formal, but totally non-traditional.  Saying that a wedding with traditional elements must be formal is like saying my hair must be blonde because it is long.  They just aren't related.

jemmini6

Agreed that causal =/= non-traditional.  You can have whatever level of formality and include the traditions that suit you best.  There's no rule that says what you can or can't have in your wedding based on formality.

ki10

Well, some parents do tend to want to go the formal route overall. But, again, it's not weird to be traditional yet casual. For the few casual weddings I've had the pleasure of attending, they included some traditional elements. Actually, in my mum's family it's traditional to have a big formal church ceremony and then a buffet reception in a barn-like hall down by the river, but with candleabras and everything. They're odd, but that's how traditions work--they just sort of grow over time. I think my mum would be grateful for anything traditional.

BTW, your barbeque sounds delicious. Fun!