Memorial Ideas

Hafesta

Our wedding is July 6, 2013. That was my father's birthday. He passed away 15 years ago so we decided that since he couldn't be there to walk me down the aisle that we could get married on his birthday. Well, just this past week, my fiancé's mother passed away after a 16 year battle with metastatic breast cancer. We were devastated when we found out that she didn't have anymore treatment options and that she probably wouldn't be with us for our wedding, let alone the holidays. We are trying to think of unique ways to memorialize both my father and his mother, as well as other loved one's who have passed away, like grandparents, and an aunt. I think we have a lot of people so lighting a whole bunch of candles probably wouldn't be a good idea. Also, we probably won't have a father/daughter, or mother/son dance since those parents are no longer with us. What ideas or thoughts do ya'll have for what we could do to show our love for our missing family members?

GingerCat20

My mom passed away from breast cancer this summer and we just got married last week.

To honor her I wore her wedding band on my right hand. I also asked that an empty seat be left in the front row. Since we had a destination wedding I didn't want to risk bringing anything of significant value across the country. The chapel placed a single white rose on the empty seat during the ceremony and afterwards they wrapped it into my bouquet of all pink roses. It stood out for the entire day and I knew she was with me.

We discussed the empty seat with my father prior to the ceremony. We were worried that it may be too hard on him. After the wedding he said he was glad we did it. He was able to imagine her in that seat instead of seeing someone else there. It was was a subtle way to remember her without shoving it into anyone's face.

I'm sorry for both of your losses. It's never easy.

MrsGandthebeag

I had a pic of my dad in a locket attached to my bouquet.  My MOH also made a toast in his memory during her speech.  I'd keep whatever you do low key.  It's not a memorial, it's a happy event.

Peledreamsofrain

I was very close to my grandfather growing up and was devistated when he passed.  This made me very much want to honor him, but I also didn't want to sadden people at an event that is supposed to be about new beginnings.

Then I remembered that he used to take me on nature walks when I was little, pointing out plants and sharing nature facts.  He always used to pick his favorite plant for me: silver dollar plants.  So I ordered silk versions of these and grapevine wreathes, then hand-wove custom centerpeices for the dinner tables.  To the people who knew my grandfather, it was touching and beautiful without being overwhelming.  To the people who didn't, I had lovely custom-made centerpeices that they could admire.

Keep it subtle, and personally meaningful.

madeline&matt

I am so sorry for the loss of your father and your fiance's mother. 

This isn't really a memorial, but I'm going to have pictures of our parents and grandparents at their weddings on the alter behind us. It's sort of a way to acknowledge their wonderful marriages and also have a nod to my grandfather who passed a few years ago in a subtle way because I don't want to bring up bad memories.

Jen4948

I'm very sorry for your losses.

I think the best ways to memorialize deceased loved ones for a wedding are to donate to charity in their memories, have photos of them (but not with empty seats), mention them in wedding programs and speeches (provided that in the speeches they are not "wish you could be here" mentions), and perhaps carry something that belonged to them during the ceremony.

What you don't want is to be too in-your-face about how they are absent, such as empty seats or place settings.  It's too sad, and you don't want your wedding becoming too lugubrious.  Remember, it's supposed to be a happy occasion, and you don't want that taken over with too much grief.

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_memorial-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:88314056-6ba1-4fad-a4f6-ede4e6de1c24Post:586b0f87-53c9-4b29-a790-d006ae4c8859">Re: Memorial Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm very sorry for your losses. <strong>I think the best ways to memorialize deceased loved ones for a wedding are to donate to charity in their memories, </strong>have photos of them (but not with empty seats), mention them in wedding programs and speeches (provided that in the speeches they are not "wish you could be here" mentions), and perhaps carry something that belonged to them during the ceremony. What you don't want is to be too in-your-face about how they are absent, such as empty seats or place settings.  It's too sad, and you don't want your wedding becoming too lugubrious.  Remember, it's supposed to be a happy occasion, and you don't want that taken over with too much grief.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

<div>OP, I highly suggest not doing this. No matter where you pick, someone is bound to not support that charity. For example, I no long supper Susan G. Komen after the political stunt the pulled with Family Planning. </div><div>
</div><div>As far as memorializing, your wedding shouldn't be a memorial service and it should come from personal touches. I'm planning on having FI's grandmother's favorite hymn played pre-ceremony (with no announcement, so many people will have no idea) and the day after the ceremony, bringing my boquet to the grave or the day of, bringing a bout and corsage. </div>

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_memorial-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:88314056-6ba1-4fad-a4f6-ede4e6de1c24Post:73fb0ea1-6184-4681-abf1-b4e8f42413ec">Re: Memorial Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Memorial Ideas : OP, I highly suggest not doing this. No matter where you pick, someone is bound to not support that charity. For example, I no long supper Susan G. Komen after the political stunt the pulled with Family Planning.  As far as memorializing, your wedding shouldn't be a memorial service and it should come from personal touches. I'm planning on having FI's grandmother's favorite hymn played pre-ceremony (with no announcement, so many people will have no idea) and the day after the ceremony, bringing my boquet to the grave or the day of, bringing a bout and corsage. 
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

No one else has to contribute to the charity or even know about the donation-there's no need to announce it.  It can be private. 

The point is that there should not be an in-your-face gesture at the wedding that turns a happy occasion into a sad one in order to memorialize the deceased.

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_memorial-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:88314056-6ba1-4fad-a4f6-ede4e6de1c24Post:418375aa-0d1d-45bb-9a88-4aae8b0fdf4a">Re:Memorial Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Memorial Ideas: <strong>I would agree with this IF we were talking about donating in lieu of favors or in the name of her guests. But a donation to a charity that is linked to the deceased is different to me. So long as it's not some huge announcement or plastered everywhere, I think it's fine.</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>I guess I assumed that would be what thy would do. If they want to silently make a donation with no AWing, I think that's lovely. </div>

Lisa50

H and I carried the memories of our deceased loved ones -- my siblings, his mother -- in our hearts on our wedding day.  There were no empty chairs, nothing said, no photos, etc. 

To us, that was the best way to memorialize our deceased family members on our day of joy and celebration.  My father passed away 7 weeks after the wedding.  Once his grave marker was laid, we returned to the cemetary to visit his, my sister and my brother's grave sites ... alone, just the two of us there.

random4180

We had pics of our grandparents on the card/gift/guestbook table at our reception along with a vase of flowers. We also included a prayer in our ceremony blessing all those who could not be with us. We got the pictures from our families and didn't draw attention to the display but it was nice to acknowledge them, especially since both my grandparents had passed away in the past year and a half (I made sure to check with my mom before doing anything.) 

bburkel

My father passed away 7 years ago, and neither one of us has any living grandparents any more, and I have also lost a niece and nephew, and several aunts and uncles.

We were just discussing this with our officiant last week.  I have already talked with my mom, and she's pretty much ok with whatever I do for my dad's memory.

We are going to have a bouquet of flowers in a vase at the front of the ceremony, and also at the reception, that will say something to the effect of "In memory of those loved ones who could not be with us today"  We are working on getting the wedding photos of our parents and grandparents to display with this, so it shows where we came from.

Also, I am carrying a single iris in my bouquet to symbolize my dad.  

There will probably also be a footnote in the program that mentions the flowers.  

We talked about including them in the prayer, but will probably use a blanket statement, because the list is so long that it would go on for about 5 minutes.  

As far as the dances go, I know my FMIL really wants to dance with her son, so she's going to dance with him and one of my brothers will dance with me at the same time.  At one point, we tossed around the idea of FI dancing with my mom and me with his dad, but I didn't want to upset his mom by not giving her that chance to dance with her baby.

lovesclimbing

A framed picture on a table is a good way.  Also, I have seen kits at Joanns and other craft stores for putting a picture on a candle which I think is a neat idea.

uhdare

My friend's mother passed away several months before her wedding.  Her father wore a white rose and had an empty seat by him with a white rose laying on it.  They also had her favorite instrument played during the ceremony.  Everyone was very touched because it had happened so recently and suddenly, and it was beautiful. My friend said she felt like her mom was with her.

My fi lost his best friend to cancer last year.  He is going have his best friend's brother stand in his place as a groomsmen.  I also plan to give him a photo to carry in his pocket.

Some folks have suggested memorials are for funerals only.  I disagree.  Remembering loved ones and honoring their memory is always appropriate, and can be done in a joyful way! How strange it would be to NOT acknowledge the recent loss of someone so close as a parent! As suggested by some others, do check with widowed spouses to make sure they are ok with it first, though.  Everyone grieves differently.  If they are not comfortable with a public memorial then some of the private suggestions here are great ideas as well.