Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

How much help are you getting from your fiance?

Just wondering if I am the only one who feels like I am the one doing it all? I wish he were more involved. Don't get me wrong, he does help a little with the planning but only after I nudge him. It feels like everything is on my shoulders... Anyone else experiencing the same thing? I hope I am not alone! :)

Re: How much help are you getting from your fiance?

  • Mine helped out with the venue, meal and his tux. Oh, and some of the songs we used.  I pretty much did everything else.  I ran things by him before making any final decisions though.
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  • meg65meg65 member
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    Yeah, my FI isn't really into planning or any of my DIY crafts. I do ask him before I make any final decisions about things though. And he is mainly in charge of contacting vendors (I do all the research, give him a list, he calls/emails to set up meeting, etc.)

    Ask him what he really cares about (music, favors, food, booze, honeymoon) and have that be his deal
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  • After the first few days of being engaged and the excitement wearing off, my FI told me that the planning was all on me. He said that it was my day and to plan it however I wanted.  He's not into planning, so I'm just running things past him and talking about it to make sure I have his approval. It's stressful, but I have his input too at some points. :)

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  • I simply withheld sex until he helped.


    J/k

    No really, he was very helpful.  Then again, he didn't really care what I chose as long as we had lilies as our flowers and green beans at the reception.  He made it really easy for me, but I still asked his opinion on everything b/c if there was something he didn't like, I surely wasn't going to include it. 

     

  • DH helped with everything except the flowers and invitations.  We designed them together but I made them all.
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  • When we got engaged, i thought all of the planning and decisions would be done by myself and mom. Turned out he wanted to be included. So we did. It hasn't been as bad as I first thought it might be. He puts in his input for things like tux, cake, rings, hall, honeymoon, and even save the dates, and invites. We run past ideas past him for other(flowers and other stuff) for him to feel included. Mom and I do the research, leg work and running around, while he sometimes comes along, but mostly gives his input.

    Believe or not even guys who leave the planning of their weddign to their girls like to be included in some way. Ask him about the big stuff: honeymoon, food, drink, music, etc

    Happy Wedding planning!
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  • We pretty much decided that I would be doing the wedding planning and he will do the honeymoon planning.  However he still shows up for any meetings needed and is actively giving his input.  He also had no problem getting involved with the venue communication when I was having a hard time.  Same goes for the honeymoon- he will do the major planning part with my input. 
     
  • DH and I had an understanding I could have the wedding I wanted as long as he didn't have to make any decisions...so no I did not get help but then again I didn't want any. 

    He helped out with tastings, ring decisions, and the week of the wedding he helped with escort cards and stuff like that but all research, invitations, favors, designs, etc was all me....and I loved every minute of it.
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  • My FI is super helpful.  He just really wanted to wear his tux.  That was basically his only desire.  I run all of my ideas by him, and he's helped me actually make decisions, such as what venue to use and whether or not to do first look pictures.
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  • FI is actually being really helpful, more so at the beginning. I almost wish he wasn't because we are both so stubborn that neither of us wanted to budge on some things but we did.
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  • My FI helps a lot even though we're LD. He's an awesome researcher.  We're having the wedding half way between our families and he's been great at finding vendors.  I just say its time to start looking at florist and the next day I have an excel sheet with all the local florists and their website, pricing info, average review, and anything else he can think of! He's had a couple of great ideas too. 
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  • Not much, but that's how we both want it.  He cares about the venue, so we're picking that together, and mildly cares about the food (he really just wants a steak and a beer, anything beyond that is up to me).  I'm making him have an opinion on his attire, because, well, he's the one wearing it.  Stuff like flowers, linens, invitations, cake, photographer, anything to do with the bridesmaids, details, he just says he'll see them when they get here.  I even shopped for my own ring - he gave me a budget and let me run with it.
  • We are pretty much doing it together. I love that he wants to be involved. He has helped me tremendously!! Wouldn't have it any other way.
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  • DH cared about some things like flowers,  invites, cake, photos and video because he is an artist and designer.  He could care less about other things like the venue, food,  or DJ.
     
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  • DH and I planned our wedding together, there were very few things that he didn't help with (I think just the card box and the florist).  Neither one of us particularly cared for wedding planning, so it was helpful to do it together because we got more done. 
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  • edited April 2012
    I'm doing most of it myself, and I'm honestly ok with it. I run everything by him and if he has an opinion he tells me and I take it into account. If anything I think it makes things easier because I can make a lot of decisions with little stress. He really wants me to have exactly what I want for our wedding.
    It doesn't have to be perfect to be everything I want!
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  • He helps but then again he doesnt. FI is designing the save the dates/invites/stationary himself but thats about it. Everytime I ask him for an opinion on something he doesnt seem to care/ doesnt have an opinion. He told me I could plan it however I wanted but I know FI is VERY picky about certain stuff so I don't know. 

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  • I am a party planner so I prefer to do it myself but Fi likes me to run things by him, get his opinions and include him on things. He came with me when we were searching for the venue and came to the caterer meeting. I did pick a photographer without him but he doesn't care. He knows I want this day, but he tries to be helpful. Like he is designing all the paper aspects since he knows about graphic design. 
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  • I'm sure you're not the only one feeling this way, as it seems many, many brides plan most, or all, of their wedding without "help" from their fiances. 

    H and I planned most of our wedding together -- except attire -- and had the wedding of our dreams.  DIfferent couples approach planning in very different ways, just as no marriage is a carbon copy of another.  Do what works for you.  If the way things are going isn't working for you, it's up to you to call your fiance on it.

    Good luck!
  • The guys typically aren't as excited about the planning as we are, since they don't think about this as much as some girls do who dream up their fairytale wedding. My fiance anyway says he wants what ever i want to do that makes me happy, because in the end we are getting to the same destination... married. So the frills aren't important to him. BUT if you want to get him involved then find something that he is interested in. I've been surprised at what he has been interested in, like the centerpieces. Also take time to listen to his ideas without talking over him, I got the feeling at the beginning that he didn't say much because maybe we seem so caught up in everything and like we have everything under control, almost like its initimidating to them. Let fiance feel like he has control of an aspect, like the honeymoon planning... I am sure that mine is more excited about 7 nights in the Carribean than the actual day.  
    Besides I'm an event planner so I enjoy this stuff! 
  • Whenever my FI expresses interest/a strong opinion about something, it gets delegated to do it. He's in charge of researching officiants, picking the photographer, and right now, designing the save the dates. Neither of us is super excited about the daunting task of planning the wedding, and I'm definitely not doing it by myself. 

    When other family members express interet in stuff, they get delagated projects too (for example, my mom's researching flower/centerpiece ideas, and my sister's looking into hair and makeup ideas for the bridal party). Don't get me wrong- I'm still the primary "project manager" for the overall day, but there's no way I'd have the time or sanity to do it all. We just set a date three weeks ago, and we're getting married this October.
  • My fiance has been a tremendous help. When we first got engaged he went with me to bridal shows so we could meet vendors.  He then helped me research caterers and venues.  He designed the invitations and then helped me lable and send them.  He found the photographer.  He is helping alot with the centerpieces.  I'm now getting down to the smaller stuff that needs done (ie guest book, card box, escort cards), and I don't expect as much help from him with this stuff, but I'm still running ideas by him.  I could not have planned a wedding without my fiance's help.  My mom and grandma live 500 miles away and with work and grad school I just simply don't have the time to do it all.
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  • Im pretty much doing it everything. I run major decisions past him before going for it, and he goes to all the meetings with vendors. But I always make the appointments and keep reminding FI not to make other plans that day. He just agrees with pretty much what ever i say.
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  • All I've really asked him for is his input on certain things, but it's hard enough to drag him out of the house to get fitted for his suit! Ha!

    He gets to rack up all those helpfulness points the day before and day of wedding when we have to set up the venue (DIY outdoor wedding).
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  • Thank you Ladies! So good to know I am not alone!! I loved reading everyone's posts! My FI has been helpful to a certain extent but not as much as I would like him to be. I try not to get stressed but everything seems so overwhelming at times. It can be frustrating when he says he "doesn't care" about certain things or that he want me to "do whatever will make you (meaning me) happy" & doesn't really give me an opinion, but then he turns around & complains that he has no input! Men! Lol. I started some of my DYI stuff last wknd & he's been a trooper cutting wood, painting, & making stencils for me. :) It is a once in a lifetime experience so I am going to relish every moment- good AND bad! Happy planning Ladies! :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_how-much-help-are-you-getting-from-your-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8ea6bf82-8e8b-4b99-9ba6-74d23c72cc3dPost:1303f761-eb6e-44c5-9ec6-9fba061d52a7">Re: How much help are you getting from your fiance?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I simply withheld sex until he helped. J/k No really, he was very helpful.  Then again, he didn't really care what I chose as long as we had lilies as our flowers and green beans at the reception.  He made it really easy for me, but I still asked his opinion on everything b/c if there was something he didn't like, I surely wasn't going to include it. 
    Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]




    The withholding sex part made me giggle. :)
  • My FI is not a big organizer or planner, but all I have to do is tell him what I need. For a bit I thought he just didnt want to do anything. Then after talking to him I realized he just had no clue what to do! Maybe you should just let him know what it is you need help on.
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