Need advice...I dont know how to compromise with my Dad...HELP!

Lmickwee

So, I finally found our PERFECT venue for our ceremony right in our price range! It will be an outside ceremony in front of a beautiful fountain in Savannah, GA. I went ahead and paid the deposit (non refundable) and then told my parents we had found the venue and were super excited! Well, my dad is really mad that we will not be getting married IN a church. My parents are non-practicing Catholics, and my fiance and I are not practicing in any religion and my fiance really does not want to have our official wedding ceremony in a church which I am fine with but obviously by dad is not. I am really close to my dad and it is important to me that he is happy, but I am not willing to give up my perfect ceremony venue. My first thought was maybe a blessing ceremony in a church the morning after our wedding, which my fiance is fine with, but I dont even know if that is possible. Does anyone have any advice on how I can make a compromise that will make my dad and my fiance and I happy?

MobKaz

Even though your dad is a non-practicing Catholic, he may be having a hard time putting aside years of Catholic tenets that hold firm that your marriage will not be valid in the eyes of the church.

My daughter married with a full nuptial mass. She will raise any children in the Catholic faith.  My son married in a secular ceremony, void of any prayers or blessings.  It was hard for me to put aside my beliefs.  The ceremonies could not have been more different.  I cried equally at both, beamed with pride at both, and basked in their happiness. But, I focused on who my son is as a person, who he will be as a husband, and the strong relationship he has with his bride. 

Perhaps you could explain to your dad that to marry in the church would actually be more disrespectful than to marry in a secular ceremony.  If neither you nor your FI have any intention of practicing the faith, then you are showing due consideration to the church.  Gently remind him that, as adults, you need to marry in a way that reflects who you are as a person, and that it is not, and should not, be a relection of him or his beliefs.  Hopefully in time, he will see that it is best to not marry in the church.

Perhaps you could incorporate some readings or a blessing that might be appropriate, acceptable, and meaningful to you all.

MyNameIsNot

The Catholic church won't let you do a blessing the next morning.  If you want to get the sacrament later, you'd have to have a convalidation, but it probably wouldn't be available if you aren't practicing and you choose not to get married in the church because of a pretty venue.  

This is not something that you need to compromise on.  You need to tell your father that you aren't doing this to hurt him, but that since you aren't a practicing catholic anymore, you've decided to have a secular ceremony, and that you're sorry, but you aren't going to change your faith to please him.  You could ask him if he'd like to select a reading or a prayer for the ceremony.  

Lmickwee

Thank you guys! All of that is great advice! He is actually not asking me to get married in Catholic Church, I think it is more the physical symbol and tradition of a church. I am going to have a minister perform the ceremony so that there are prayers and readings throughout it to give it a more religious feel for him and the other members of my family. I love my dad so much and I just do not want to fight with him about this, so I am willing to try and find some sort of compromise to make both of us happy.

Avion22

Personally, I believe that God is everywhere (not just in churches), so a natural setting (that God actually created) is more spiritual to me than a man-made church.   But that's just me.   

I agree that you should explain to him about your personal beliefs, and explain to him that wihle you respect his beliefs, you must stay true to your own. If he keeps pouting about it, tell him "Dad, we've made our decision, and it's final.  This discussion is closed."  

ChellaTims

I completely agree with Avion22. When I was asked by my FI and my mom I told them that I was ok with an outside ceremony because God created the world around us and the ground we would be standing on while men created the church that we attend and I would feel closer to God being married in the world he created not what we as people have created. I guess kinda like the saying "just because you go to church doesn't mean you're a Christian" I feel that just because we're thinking of not getting married in a church doesn't mean the good Lord above won't be there or bless our nuptials.

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_need-advicei-dont-know-how-to-compromise-with-my-dadhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:96b53151-c9fe-4e14-aca2-6da5d300727cPost:f2b3caba-46df-40a2-9662-5c9b70363189">Re: Need advice...I dont know how to compromise with my Dad...HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you guys! All of that is great advice! He is actually not asking me to get married in Catholic Church, I think it is more the physical symbol and tradition of a church. I am going to have a minister perform the ceremony so that there are prayers and readings throughout it to give it a more religious feel for him and the other members of my family. I love my dad so much and I just do not want to fight with him about this, so I am willing to try and find some sort of compromise to make both of us happy.
Posted by Lmickwee[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what we did...my mom actually was very disappointed we were not getting married in a catholic church since we tried but was unable to.  We asked the minister to incorporate a lot of the catholic ceremony and to talk about God's part in a marriage/wedding and then we chose a reading from the bible.   My mom and a lot of the family who are catholic said they thought it was beautiful and were surprised at how religious it was (we had it at a Unitarian Church).