Father Daughter Awkwardness

kreece22

My father is in prison. And even if he wasnt he wouldnt be walking me down the aisle or having the customary father daughter dance.

I have had no father figures in my life. Not close to my half brother at all.

I love weddings and have been planning and thinking of my wedding since I was a little girl. I dont want to give up on my dream of having a big wedding but I also  dont want to feel sulky that day either, and I feel like seeing my fiance dance with his mother and knowing that most women get to do that and I dont. I know its pouty, but I know myself and I know it will make me feel bad.

I was in one of my best friends weddings recently and her father didnt even show up and I had to watch her have a nervous break down right before she walked down the aisle. I dont want that!!

Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_father-daughter-awkwardness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:9dcf6ea1-44c2-4426-96ba-9c4bde1b8969Post:995714cf-ee79-4e49-8f77-f629b2e34b00">Father Daughter Awkwardness</a>:
[QUOTE]My father is in prison. And even if he wasnt he wouldnt be walking me down the aisle or having the customary father daughter dance. I have had no father figures in my life. Not close to my half brother at all. I love weddings and have been planning and thinking of my wedding since I was a little girl. I dont want to give up on my dream of having a big wedding but <u><em><strong>I also  dont want to feel sulky that day either, and I feel like seeing my fiance dance with his mother and knowing that most women get to do that and I dont. I know its pouty, but I know myself and I know it will make me feel bad. </strong></em></u>I was in one of my best friends weddings recently and her father didnt even show up and I had to watch her have a nervous break down right before she walked down the aisle. I dont want that!! Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful
Posted by kreece22[/QUOTE]

As a former MOG, this part jumped out at me.  I think it's very important for you to remember that this is not just your wedding.  It's your FI's wedding as well.

I think it's a shame that you don't have a relationship with your dad.  But please, don't even think about denying your FI and his mom the chance to dance at the wedding.  I can tell you that that was moment I was so looking forward to, and that was very special to me.

Standing looking pouty during that dance is only going to reflect badly on you. 

Again, I'm sorry that you don't have a relationship with your dad, but your post makes you sound petulant and pretty self-absorbed.  A wedding is not just about a bride and her dreams for her wedding.  It's also about a groom, the bride's family, and the groom's family.

Start to look outside of yourself.  You'll be happier person.  Good luck.

kreece22

I didnt mean that I didnt want them to have their dance in anyway, I am very close to his mother and family I would never dream of denying that. I meant that I would feel bad that I didnt get to take part in something so meaningful to most people. And something that everyone does look forward to.

The whole point is that I DONT want to look pouty, or feel bad on this very important day, maybe I didnt explain it right.

EMF9903

So I didnt get a bad impression whatsoever from your post.  You obviously are prepared for your FI to dance with his mom and you seem to really like that idea and would like to do soemthing similar is all to have that moment.  You are not being self absorbed by wanting to have a little moment to dance with someone special... my goodness!  He gets to so you should have the chance too if you can figure out what you want.

My college roommate did a dnace with her mother (and her father seperately) because her mom was a huge influence and important person in her life.  What about a grandpa or uncle that may not have been a father figure but they are important.  Ive seen several girls say theyre dancing/walking with their best friend.  This migh be stretching but maybe a dance with your bridesmaids if theyre very special to you.

I hope these suggestions helped you in what your original comment was.  You should feel happy and excited on your wedding day so think outside of the box a bit and maybe you can find something!!

alexlad

I think it would be special to at least try to find a male figure that means something to you to dance with. It is just that bond that you have had in your life by a male who has been there to protect you. Like maybe an uncle or a cousin or a close childhood friend? Idk what the rules are on this as far as etiquette goes because your father is still alive. Some of the other women on here might have better insight though. I feel you should not have to deprive yourself of that bonding moment. However if you come up with someone just to come up with them to dance with it's not going to mean  anything to you anyway.

Try and ask yourself why you feel left out. Is it because you feel a need for that bonding moment or are you worried about saving face? You need to ask yourself alot of questions about your motives to be pouty. This will tell you what the best soluution is.

kreece22

thank you so much EMF9903, that first comment made me a little teary to be honest.

Thank you ladies so much for your suggestions.

alexlad: It isnt at all about saving face its missing out on the bonding moment. We just have such a small family, its difficult.

My mother and I are very close so I think I will have her walk me down the aisle, as far as dancing goes I think I would feel a lttle weird, we both get the church giggles so to speak and I can see that ending in giggles.

lisarose7

My FI's mother passed away 8 years ago this week, so he obviously won't be able to dance with his mother.  What I thought of doing, since he adores my parents and the feeing is mutual, is having him dance with MY mother while I dance with my father.  Could you dance with your FI's father while he dances with his mother, and make it more of a "welcome to the family" dance?

skippylouwho

Lisarose, I like your idea a lot and think that could be a great idea for a lot of people.

My DD's FI's father is deceased so we won't be dealing with that issue but I think that's just a great way to handle the situation for those who are.

lalap69

Have you considered dancing with your mom?  It wouldn't necessarily have to be a slow dance, though my friends and I dance together for slow songs all the time and just have fun with it.

Or you could dance with your FI's dad if you're close to him.

But really, I think the F/D is just one detail of the day and it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't happen.  Just please don't ask your FI to give up his dance with his mother because watching it will make you sulky.  I'm sure you can be gracious enough on your wedding day to smile for him and what's important in his life.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If it makes you feel better, I have a decent father who will be at my wedding, but I'm walking by myself and not doing a father/daughter dance. Dancing with my dad is awkward. He just doesn't do it and will be relieved not to.

kreece22

It does make me feel better!

Thank all of you for your suggestions and support

I think I was maybe making a mountain out of a mole hill, the whole day is about my FH and I not about my dad. Sometimes I think we dwell on whats lacking instead of what is abundant.

Good lesson learned.

arheitner

A friend of mine whose father is deceased, danced with her mother to "Girls just wanna have fun".   About half way through the dance the DJ invited all of the women at the wedding to join the dance.  They did it right after the groom danced with his mother (slow dance) and it led to the begining of "open dancing".  It was really nice.

Audrey&Austin

I'm really glad that I was able to find this post, I have no relationship with my family and especially my dad so I was starting to worry about the walk down the aisle and the father/daughter dance. there are a lot of great ideas here!

I also want to add that I didn't think your post was rude, you were asking for advice because you didn't want to have one more thing to stress about and you didn't want to feel selfish/sulky while your FI and his mother were dancing.

lcsa99

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_father-daughter-awkwardness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:9dcf6ea1-44c2-4426-96ba-9c4bde1b8969Post:7ec02262-70db-4a6e-8696-b5d226541e19">Re: Father Daughter Awkwardness</a>:
[QUOTE]My mother and I are very close so I think I will have her walk me down the aisle, as far as dancing goes I think I would feel a lttle weird, we both get the church giggles so to speak and I can see that ending in giggles.
Posted by kreece22[/QUOTE]

Would it be so wrong to giggle at your wedding?

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

sky7563

If you don't want to dance with your mother I like the idea of dancing with your FI's Father or Family Member as a welcome to the family dance.  If you want it to be more about a close relationship you have you could do a group dance with your bridesmaids which may include your mother or not and pick more of an upbeat song...as a celebration.