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Catholic Question

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Re: Catholic Question

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5bbfd65-d490-41fe-984f-7b9bebc44a3fPost:4b9a5206-256b-4af6-a487-b52cd19a2dbe">Re: Catholic Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic Question : But this post is not about you.  It's about OP's FILs.  They are either 1) blindly following something they've heard or 2) trying to manipulate OP and her FI using the church.   Neither is ok.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]


    I agree
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  • edited November 2012
    I stand 100% by my first post. I'm sorry if my tone came off as harsh, but I will defend my faith to the end, and was, in fact, just trying to share my opinion and give some more perspective from the POV of the OPs inlaws, who were taking a pretty good bashing without the opportunity to defend themselves. It's a tough situation, even if it doesn't seem like it to you guys.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5bbfd65-d490-41fe-984f-7b9bebc44a3fPost:83947e9e-e37c-4988-abf6-2edd1aa3975a">Re: Catholic Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I stand 100% by my first post. I'm sorry if my tone came off as harsh, but I will defend my faith to the end, and was, in fact, just trying to share my opinion and give some more perspective from the POV of the OPs inlaws, who were taking a pretty good bashing without the opportunity to defend themselves. It's a tough situation, even if it doesn't seem like it to you guys.
    Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]

    <div>They've chosen something that isn't even a part of their faith as a weapon to hurt or control their child. </div><div> </div><div>It's not a tough situation.  It's using religion as a weapon, and it's wrong.</div>
  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
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    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5bbfd65-d490-41fe-984f-7b9bebc44a3fPost:83947e9e-e37c-4988-abf6-2edd1aa3975a">Re: Catholic Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I stand 100% by my first post. I'm sorry if my tone came off as harsh, but I will defend my faith to the end, and was, in fact, just trying to share my opinion and give some more perspective from the POV of the OPs inlaws, who were taking a pretty good bashing without the opportunity to defend themselves. It's a tough situation, even if it doesn't seem like it to you guys.
    Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]
    You were using false information as a way of manipulating the situation to fit your agenda. That's not very Catholic of you.
     
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  • Well this can be tricky...it really depends on the priest and if they are from the old times or a more modern catholic priest....I was firm with my priest that is marrying us as my fiance is hindu and we want to continue with both our belief systems.  We are having two ceremonies to accomodate both of us.  My priest indicated that as long as we go to marriage prep and do what the catholic church asks of us we can do both.  

    I believe it is their own personal stance to guilt their son in marrying catholic or as such.  They need to come to terms with the situation and do you mean to tell me they never attended a non catholic wedding in their life?  hard to believe. 


    Best of luck and talk to more than one priest to get a feel.  

  • I wouldn't assume that the parents are just trying to guilt trip you and fi into getting married in the Catholic Church. The church would require that they counsel their son on the importance of making a  sacramental marriage. If he chooses to go ahead with the civil ceremony, it would be up to them to consider whether refusing to attend your wedding might drive him further away from the family and the church. They may conclude, according to their consciences, that it would be better to attend the civil ceremony and foster a loving relationship with their son and his wife.

    Your fi's answer to his parents was spot on. Good for him.





                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5bbfd65-d490-41fe-984f-7b9bebc44a3fPost:83947e9e-e37c-4988-abf6-2edd1aa3975a">Re: Catholic Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I stand 100% by my first post. I'm sorry if my tone came off as harsh, but I will defend my faith to the end, and was, in fact, just trying to share my opinion and give some more perspective from the POV of the OPs inlaws, who were taking a pretty good bashing without the opportunity to defend themselves. It's a tough situation, even if it doesn't seem like it to you guys.
    Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]


    Using religion as a weapon to emotionally harm your children is never something that you should 100% stand behind.  If your religion requires you to turn your back on your offspring at the slightest provocation, then it is something that I want nothing to do with.  My children will matter to me.  And NOTHING will change that or make me consider them 'failures', just because they don't agree with me.  That's disgusting.
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  • ksblumbksblumb member
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    edited November 2012
    I didn't read through this entire thread, so I may be repeating here, but I just wanted to share my situation with you.

    My FI and I are also being married at our reception site... I was raised Catholic and he was raised Non-Denominational Christian, but neither of us are very religous anymore.
    My uncle is priest and will not be attending our ceremony, and is undecided if he will attend the reception.

    Neither is because he CAN'T, but because it is a moral conflict for him. He sat us down and explained that in his heart he feels that marraige is a commitment to each other and to God, is a Holy Sacrament, and that it should be performed in the Church in a reliogious ceremony. Morally, he feels he cannot support the marriage if religion is removed from the equation. He said he will consider coming to supper to celebrate with us, but it still feels off because it is celebrating the marraige that was just created. He supports our relationship and the fact that we want to spend forever together, but struggles with removing the sacrament aspect from marriage.

    That being said, there is nothing saying that he cannot come. He certainly can, there are no rules against this. There are definitely no rules against any Catholic person attending a non-Catholic or non-religious ceremony. If it is against your future in-laws morals and beliefs, and it is too great of a moral conflict for them to attend, that is on them, not the church. If they choose not to attend, perhaps they would still come to the reception?

    Whatever happens, don't let it bring you down too much. Your wedding will be wonderful and you will marry the man of your dreams - that is what ultimately matters. Good luck :)
  • First let me say, I am really sorry that your fiance's parents are putting you and him in such an uncomfortable position.
    I am Catholic and my fiance is Jewish and we had to do some legwork to figure out how to have our marriage recognized by the Church without having a wedding that alienated the groom or his family.
    Untimately we picked an indoor location (as outdoor was off limits) at which both a rabbi and a priest will be present.
    I think your fiance's parents are being a little dramatic about not being able to even ATTEND the wedding.  I actually feel the worst for him out of this whole situation because he is forced to be torn between his parents and the woman he loves.
    I wonder if for his sake you can't have the ceremony indoors and the reception outdoors.
    It doesn't have to be in a Catholic Church- you just need to get a dispensation (not hard to get) and you can have it in a protestant church.
    I know its not what you guys wanted for your wedding and not what you planned but it might ease the strain between your FI and his parents which could cause issues between the two of you later down the road.
    Again- I think his parents are being unreasonable- but that aside- Maybe you can find a compromise so that your fiance doesn't have to suffer.

    Good luck and I hope it works out.
  • OP,
    Catholics are not supposed to witness invalid Catholic ceremonies- such as those performed outside- because it is posing as a sacrement, and sacrements can only be performed within the walls of a church. BUT, being that you are not having a catholic ceremony, that rule is null. You aren't pretending to have a catholic ceremony, so their arguement is invalid.
     
    Have they attended weddings of other faiths, ever? If yes- they are contradicting themselves, If not- it's probably because they don't have many friends- proven by their refusal.

    I feel they are trying to guilt-trip him, and his response was perfectly accurate. As a practicing Catholic- not devout but I agree with the majority of th teachings- I would be highly offended if someone who is an athiest and does not believe in the bible used those vows and words to be married to- he was also right that it is a mortal sin. You should only use words and readings you are comfortable with and believe in/find truth in (IA wedding I went to had a reading of "Oh the places you'll go" from Dr. Seuss)

    I think it is more of a crime against concience to skip on their son's wedding that to attend the ceremony. They do not have to participate in the ceremony in any way, just show up!
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  • Maybe your fiance should emphasize to his parents that he no longer considers himself Catholic at all.
    If he doesn't believe in/agree with the Church, why in the world would they want him to partake in that sacrament?! THAT'S offensive, lol.
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