How do I include my future stepdaughter in the ceremony?

MelisaLyn

My fiance has a 15 year old daughter and I want to include her in the wedding but I'm not sure how would be appropriate. She will not be living with us after the wedding, she has always lived with her mother, I hardly see her as it is but I want to include her in the ceremony somehow since we will be family. I do not want to make her a bridesmaid but am open to other ideas.

ericaandtom2012

She could stand on your FI's side or do a reading.  Or if she's musically inclined, she could sing or play a piece of music.  

Have you talked to her to see what she would be comfortable with?  Does your FI have any opinions on how he'd like his daughter to participate?

Jen4948

I'd ask her if she'd like to be in the wedding, and then talk to her and your FI about what her role could be.  Whatever you do, don't push something on her if they indicate that it isn't what either of them wants.

kmmssg

Can I ask why you don't want her to be a bridesmaid?

RetreadBride

Ask her if she wants to be a bridesmaid, or just have her as a guest.  Bridesmaid and reader are honors; anything else is a chore.

She's included if she is present.

Lisa50

You do not mention your fiance's opinion on including his daughter.  My gut reaction is, especially since you don't see her very often, your fiance should extend an invitation to her to participate as he and she would like.  If he doesn't want to do so -- you should stay out of it.  Just sayin' ...

JustSayYes2013

I think asking her to do a reading would be appropriate.

ksalinas128

I have two future stepdaughters who also do not live with us for most of the year, summers only, but they will be junior bridesmaids and will be doing unity candle and hand fastenings together to represent a new unit. Their mother got remarried a few years ago and eloped in vegas, the girls were not present for this so i think its extra important they feel included in their father's wedding.

RetreadBride

I have two future stepdaughters who also do not live with us for most of the year, summers only, but they will be junior bridesmaids and will be doing unity candle and hand fastenings together to represent a new unit. Their mother got remarried a few years ago and eloped in vegas, the girls were not present for this so i think its extra important they feel included in their father's wedding.

Please, please, Always, always check with the young ladies first before you do this.  Lots of young folks aren't comfortable with this (especially if they don't know the new stepparent well, or their other parent is still alive), and others don't care for the public attention.  The other parent may find this offensive.

Don't make a teen a "junior" anything.

sbayless78

I have a 10 year-old daughter from my previous marriage, so we are doing a ceremony where we both give her a gift and recognize her as part of the family.  We just got her a sweet little necklace to present to her.  She is also my maid-of-honor, but I think you could do something similar if she is not part of the bridal party. 

andpandi

My step-daughter is walking her dad down the aisle, and she will be participating in a unity sand ceremony with us. Also, she will be doing a reading

emyjg2001

I will have two step daughters, as well.  The oldest is 10 (and lives with us full time) and the youngest is 4....The 4 year old is going to be a flower girl, and the 10 year old is really wanting to be a bridesmaid, I thought about having her dress like a jr bm and walk my finace' down the aisle....still not sure yet.

bethie86

I have two soon to be stepdaughters and a soon to be stepson. we have decided to include the kids by making the younger girl and the boy the flower girl and the ringbearer. the older girl will be 8 when we actually get married so we are going to make her a junior bridesmaid. at first she was a bit disappointed because her younger sister is going to be the flower girl but now that we have told her that the junior bridesmaid is important and explained it to her she is extremely excited about it.

dkpickett

We had a similar problem with my now stepson, who is 12 and lives with his mother but with us every other weekend. He was willing to help "escort" my 6 and 8 year old daughters (one is special needs) down the aisle when we first got engaged, then he did an almost immediate about face and didn't want to be involved in the wedding at all. A week and half before the wedding, he changed his mind and wanted to be involved. So yes, it can be tough! 

We had decided early to have part of our ceremony involve our kids where we would say something and present them with a gift - necklaces that had symbolic meaning. So that was happening no matter what he said. With the last minute change, I ended up making programs that he was going to hand out, and the night before the wedding, one of our attendants dropped out of the wedding and he ended up being a groomsman. 

I would definitely ask what her preference is, but keep something in your back pocket if she changes her mind! You can always add to your ceremony at the last minute - challenging, but doable. Good luck!

MelisaLyn

In Response to Re: How do I include my future stepdaughter in the ceremony?:

Can I ask why you don't want her to be a bridesmaid?
Posted by kmmssg

When I asked my fiance what part his daughter should have in the wedding he was the first to say he didn't think it would be appropriate for his daughter to be a bridesmaid.

She does not have the patience to sit down or do anything she's asked to do. She can be very disrespectful, even to her parents. She is always trying to move on to the next thing before the first starts. She has been acting up a lot lately and honestly I do not feel like I could rely on her to be there without rolling her eyes the whole time.

MelisaLyn

In Response to Re: How do I include my future stepdaughter in the ceremony?:

My step-daughter is walking her dad down the aisle, and she will be participating in a unity sand ceremony with us. Also, she will be doing a reading
Posted by andpandi

I really like this idea. It's something different and very sweet.