The Traditional Wedding

britta_leigh

As much as I love The Knot, and love browsing through the website, I am realizing that the more I plan my wedding, the more I'm bombarded with advice of what rules to break and new hip looks to steal. I have to ask, whats wrong with following the rules?! My fiance and I are planning a classic, simple, elegant wedding with as many traditional aspects as possible. Yes, that means we are saying traditional vows, we have a simple elegant color scheme, I am wearing a cathederal veil, the bridesmaids will be in the same dress, in the same color, and all of the men will be wearing dress shoes!  So this morning, when I get my daily email from The Knot, and the feature artilcle and slidesow, AGAIN is what rules to break, I asked my fiance's opinion on the matter. His answer, 'people just don't care about weddings anymore!' I get that we live in a time where people and society have changed, and with that, they don't regard marraige and weddings with the same awe and respect as they used to, but why not? Trust me, I get that every bride wants to have the unique wedding, and if you choose to have your flower girl blowing bubble gum balloons down the aisle, to each her own, but in all of my wedding planning, I am finding that actually doing a traditonal ceremony with traditional aspects is so much more unique now-a-days!  But I know I must not be the only bride out there who is sticking to tradition, so why can't our next email from The Knot feature special traditions to KEEP or have slideshows of classic looks?!

AdeleDazeem

I kind of agree with redhead.

We are getting married with just our parents and siblings and not inside a church.  I won't have a veil and we won't be surrounded by our extended family and friends.

It's is *because* we value the ceremony and the marriage so much that we chose to separate the party from the ceremony.  It was a personal and private matter to him and I - not a spectacle for 200 people to watch.

To each their own.  I think a lot of people feel as if there is only ONE WAY to have a wedding.  But, as long as you aren't breaking etiquette and being rude to your guests, you are free to be creative with the entire event.  What is so wrong with that?

vhalbeck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_traditional-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a7739071-14b5-4258-b303-ea14c9aca7dbPost:30ac1bea-e419-4a6a-9444-7daffe6b9f83">The Traditional Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]As much as I love The Knot, and love browsing through the website, I am realizing that the more I plan my wedding, the more I'm bombarded with advice of what rules to break and new hip looks to steal. I have to ask, whats wrong with following the rules?! My fiance and I are planning a classic, simple, elegant wedding with as many traditional aspects as possible. Yes, that means we are saying traditional vows, we have a simple elegant color scheme, I am wearing a cathederal veil, the bridesmaids will be in the same dress, in the same color, and all of the men will be wearing dress shoes!  So this morning, when I get my daily email from The Knot, and the feature artilcle and slidesow, AGAIN is what rules to break, I asked my fiance's opinion on the matter. <strong>His answer, 'people just don't care about weddings anymore!'</strong> I get that we live in a time where people and society have changed, and with that, they don't regard marraige and weddings with the same awe and respect as they used to, but why not? Trust me, I get that every bride wants to have the unique wedding, and if you choose to have your flower girl blowing bubble gum balloons down the aisle, to each her own, but in all of my wedding planning, I am finding that actually doing a traditonal ceremony with traditional aspects is so much more unique now-a-days!  But I know I must not be the only bride out there who is sticking to tradition, so why can't our next email from The Knot feature special traditions to KEEP or have slideshows of classic looks?!
Posted by britta_leigh@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

Yes, I must agree- this bolded statement is really ignorant.  I think a lot of people want to make their own wedding non-traditional because they may not want to have a wedding that doesn't reflect them personally or maybe it's just that they don't want it to be just like every other wedding- it's suppose to be a party!   if you want to have a traditional wedding thats your choice, no one is judging you but maybe your FI shouldn't think about what" caring about a wedding means"

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Well, I think most people know that a completely traditional wedding is acceptable. The emails are for people who want to change things and wonder how much is too much or if their idea is okay. Having your wedding party wear linen suits and sundresses with sandals is totally fine for a casual wedding. Having them wear non-matching outfits is fine. Not having an MOH or flower girl is fine.

Inviting some people to the ceremony and not the reception is not fine. Not feeding people at a meal time is not fine. Charging people admission is not fine.

So I guess there are some etiquette questions that come up with "non-traditional" weddings that no one would question with a more traditional ceremony and reception.

FWIW, I think my wedding ended up being more traditional than I originally thought. We had a sit-down dinner reception with a cake, DJ and first dance. We had a non-denominational ceremony at a chapel. We did not do tosses or parents' dances, and we paid for the wedding ourselves. We also had a vegetarian menu.

jaytee16

i feel that all in all, i'm not a "traditional" person in the sense that i am a left wing, liberal feminist growing up in a decade that allows me the opportunity to create a wedding ceremony that reflects my FI and myself.  there are a LOT of "traditional" wedding aspects that i find sexist and that would NOT represent or value our relationship.  i will never promise to obey anyone...and that does not mean i value the wedding or marriage any less.  i couldn't be more grateful for the strong women who have worked so hard to allow me the chance to create a wedding that truly represents my FI and I.

Amisslis

The sanctity of marriage or seriousness of a couple's commitment is not tied to elegant color schemes and matching shoes. What a couple holds within the privacy of their hearts is what is important. Everything else involved in a wedding is an accessory (i.e. technically unnecessary AND a matter of personal choice) to that commitment--veils, cakes, flowers, dress shoes on the GM. To say that couples who do not outwardly conform to these "traditions" do not value weddings and marriages is seriously offensive and ignorant.
 My FI and I have chosen to forego almost every "tradition" in the book exactly because they are personally meaningless to us as individuals and as a couple. For us, the act of including them would actually dilute the specialness of the day. Each and every couple is different. It is up for them to decide what has personal meaning and what doesn't. Throwing a blanket value judgment over every couple who breaks with any "tradition" that you deem important is seriously not cool.
 Also, why do you care what other people do? Are you even real? Since you have not come back I have to wonder.
 

junebug62511

In my own opinion, the only thing I see that needs to remain "traditional" is keeping God included in the ceremony. Marriage is not just being bounded to each other by law, but also by God. As long as God is included in the cermony, everything else is just details.

DavidandAmyClark

I think the point is that each couple's wedding is a reflection of the couple and their future together.  My FI has a lot of preconcieved ideas of what a wedding was supposed to be like, for example we can't have a first dance until we cut the cake.  What is up with that?  That is just stupid.

I think the point of the Knot "breaking rules" is to make money on the products and vendors they offer.  They are a business, they are selling you a wedding. 

Saying marriages isn't important to people who don't do a traditional wedding is insconsiderate, and narrow minded.  I am not religious. 
A traditional wedding does not reflect either of us as individuals or us as a couple.  I am disgusted that you would insinuate us not getting married in a church or making my BMs wear the same dress (which mine don't want to do) would make my love and commitment for my FI less valid.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_traditional-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a7739071-14b5-4258-b303-ea14c9aca7dbPost:4215a416-9fbf-4883-b60b-bdd9088bb518">Re: The Traditional Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In my own opinion, the only thing I see that needs to remain "traditional" is keeping God included in the ceremony. Marriage is not just being bounded to each other by law, but also by God. As long as God is included in the cermony, everything else is just details.
Posted by junebug62511[/QUOTE]


I disagree.  More and more people these days don't believe in God.  Does that mean that their marriage is any less special?  They are still committing themselves to each other, which is the important part about marriage. 

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_traditional-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a7739071-14b5-4258-b303-ea14c9aca7dbPost:c5684bf2-7cd9-4b6f-849c-4ccb48ecca83">Re: The Traditional Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because I am not requiring my bridesmaids to wear matching dresses does not mean that I do not value marriage or weddings.
Posted by NatandIsaac[/QUOTE]

This. Just because I let my bridesmaids pick dresses they would be comfortable in doesn't mean I don't value marriage.

Sarah5683

OP, I agree that you need to get a new account for privacy reasons.

Unfortunately, I agree with you that many people do not view marriages with the same awe and respect that they should. That's why we, at least in America, have such a high divorce rate. However, it has nothing to do with people having a traditional wedding. People who take the time to personalize their ceremony are people that are learning to compromise with their FI and make decisions together. They're not snagging a template and filling in their names.

ki10

Um. Tradition doesn't work like that. White dresses being popular for weddings are only a smidge over 100 years old, and only de rigor for about 70-80 years. Sure, that's a long time, and it's a good firm tradition and all, but that's one of the BIG ones. Your concept of a traditional wedding is, let's say, about as old as your parents' weddings, maaaaybe grandparents'.

And there's nothing wrong with that! I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful and, most importantly, exactly what you and your SO want. So don't hate on what other people want as disrespectful toward marriage, weddings or tradition, because tradition is a thing which is made of people, families, cultures and time. It changes. Weddings themselves are never truly traditional, in that the origins of those traditions have very strange roots which we no longer represent. Marriage, whether it deserves our respect or not, is better served by  honest vows the couple will keep than by ones they feel compelled to adhere to.

junebug62511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_traditional-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a7739071-14b5-4258-b303-ea14c9aca7dbPost:e59a35f7-6673-4799-b2be-445192d9cf06">Re: The Traditional Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Traditional Wedding : I disagree.  More and more people these days don't believe in God.  Does that mean that their marriage is any less special?  They are still committing themselves to each other, which is the important part about marriage. 
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE
Maybe to those who don't believe in God their wedding isn't any less special, but to me it is. I believe that my marriage is going to be very strong because we have a very strong base: God. What is bound by God can not be unbound by man.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_traditional-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a7739071-14b5-4258-b303-ea14c9aca7dbPost:7203a624-b6c9-497e-9752-013e939f0d91">Re: The Traditional Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Traditional Wedding : [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Traditional Wedding : I disagree.  More and more people these days don't believe in God.  Does that mean that their marriage is any less special?  They are still committing themselves to each other, which is the important part about marriage.  Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE Maybe to those who don't believe in God their wedding isn't any less special, but to me it is. I believe that my marriage is going to be very strong because we have a very strong base: God. What is bound by God can not be unbound by man.
Posted by junebug62511[/QUOTE]
You do know that the divorce rate for Christians is equal to or higher than that of the national average, right?

<a href="http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm">http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm</a>
<a href="http://www.christianpost.com/article/20080404/study-christian-divorce-rate-identical-to-national-average/">http://www.christianpost.com/article/20080404/study-christian-divorce-rate-identical-to-national-average/</a>
<a href="http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/15-familykids/42-new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released">http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/15-familykids/42-new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released</a>
<a href="http://www.sullivan-county.com/bush/divorce.htm">http://www.sullivan-county.com/bush/divorce.htm</a>

junebug62511

That may be true. But having God in our lives gives us strength, sheds light and perspective on difficult situaiions, and provides us with a guide to live our lives with the best possible morals. I do not believe that a marriage is not as committed because they do not have God, but at the same time I do feel that mine will be stronger because I do.  I just have to wonder, out of honest curiousity, what a marriage means to some one who does not have God in their life?