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Re: Not Excited for New Last Name...

  • Sippy isn't as bad as Dumbauld (yeah Dumb-bald).

    I can't give you any advice on coping with changing to a surname that you hate because I'm not changing my last name. FI and I both have terrible lastnames, but having them our whole lives makes it easier. It might just get better with time.


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  • Just us twoJust us two member
    First Comment
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-excited-new-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:bbcd34eb-999c-4d79-81f1-69d0a0921025Post:08e0aa55-0579-4fca-9af3-1b428ceb3bf9">Re: Not Excited for New Last Name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a very good argument for taking your husband's last name, isn't it?  Don't do this to your children. Worst last name ever - a friend of mine married Mr. Francis Sippy, and became Mrs. Sippy!
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    <div>Mrs. Sippy, lol, that's great <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div><div>
    </div><div>I'm going to have a last name that's more common as a first name (Raymond).  Every time someone asks for his last name, he gives it only to be told, "No, no your LAST name" (which can get frustrating after the 100th time.)</div><div>
    </div><div>There's no rule saying you have to go one way or the other so do what makes YOU happy.  Remember, you're the one who has to live with it.</div>
  • There is no time limit on changing your name, once married you can then change whenever you want. Why don't you just wait and see how you feel once you have been married a bit and have a possible child ion the way. If you still feel like you need to change then do so. I am just adding to my name so First Middle Maiden Married, and my mom and sister dropped their middles and are First Maiden Married. My name will be VERY long (28 letters) but it is what I want and will be happy with. You need to be happy with it.
  • IMO your decision should be based on what makes you happy. If you plan on having children, it sounds like you don't want them to have to go through the same thing you did, which is a pretty good reason to change your name.

    To me, it shouldn't matter how "boring" your FI's last name is. If you want to have the same last name as him, just do it. If you don't, don't. IMHO it shouldn't be based on the name "leaving much to be desired".

    I'm exicted to take my FI's last name. I wouldn't care if it were as common as Smith or something completey uncommon.
  • I agree...I've always been excited to get rid of mine because I've never liked it. FI's last name okay, but I always dreamed of marrying and getting a sexy foreign sounding name. Oh well, it could be so much worse. 

    I do have a colleague that is from Chile and that did as one of the pp said...dropping one of your names and hyphenating with his. I guess that's a popular way of doing things there. But I agree, your children will constantly be asked questions and you didn't like it. Still, you have to do what makes you happy! :)
  • I couldn't part with my name so I'm either going to go First Middle Maiden HisLast or he's taking my last name (his choice) so go with whatever makes you happiest and you like.

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  • On another name change note:

    I know several people that have the same first and last names now that they have married!

    Kelly Kelley

    Karen Kerin
    Karen Caron
    Karen Karyn

    seriously!
  • eh. i'm not a fan of my last name to begin with, so i'm not sad about losing it.
    and i'm going to marry into "Busch" which will have lots of spelling errors and jokes i'm sure.  I always wanted to marry a guy with a classic Italian last name --- that didn't happen. lol
    I also have a friend who married into "Kummer" (koo-mer)

    ...we joke that neither of us ended up with great married names. but that's all it is - a name.
    i'm sure i'll get used to it....and its a lot less complicated than hyphenating or keeping our own names and people questioning our married status. lol
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-excited-new-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:bbcd34eb-999c-4d79-81f1-69d0a0921025Post:88174aef-cdfe-465e-a047-15121d246c48">Re: Not Excited for New Last Name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not Excited for New Last Name... : Mrs. Sippy, lol, that's great I'm going to have a last name that's more common as a first name (Raymond).  Every time someone asks for his last name, he gives it only to be told, "No, no your LAST name" (which can get frustrating after the 100th time.) There's no rule saying you have to go one way or the other so do what makes YOU happy.  Remember, you're the one who has to live with it.
    Posted by Just us two[/QUOTE]

    My H has a last name which is also a common male first name (nick name). He gets his name reversed occassionally. Which means I would never give my son a "last name" as a first name (like Harrison or Parker) because it would also get confused!

    My kids will have my husband's last name, which is a last name I don't share. I really don't think having a different last name from your children is uncommon, given the number of divorces, single parents, foster parents and other non-traditional family situations there are.

    Have you considered dropping part of your hyphenated name? However, if you DO want to change and have the same last name as your husband, go for it - you'll probably get used to it quite quickly. Afterall, he's dealt with it his whole life!

    Worst/best last name I can think of which I've heard IRL - my old boss's last name was Booze. She would tell people on the phone, "Booze, as in alcohol." She changed it when she got married, though!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-excited-new-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:bbcd34eb-999c-4d79-81f1-69d0a0921025Post:4fab3140-102a-4d0d-85e6-842f76bd8496">Re: Not Excited for New Last Name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not Excited for New Last Name... :  Worst/best last name I can think of which I've heard IRL - my old boss's last name was Booze. She would tell people on the phone, "Booze, as in alcohol." She changed it when she got married, though!
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Thats the style i'm going for with "Busch".  I work at a college, so I'm planning to just say "Busch, like the beer!" so they don't spell it Bush or Buch. lol Always gets a laugh when my FI does it.
  • I have a horrible last name and can't wait to get rid of it (sorry to my dad... lol). My FI has a nice, normal last name and I can't wait to have it, although I don't love the "flow" of it my first and last names, exactly.
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    If you do not want to change your name, I don't think you should ... whatever your reasons.

    I kept my last name when I married the first time.  No muss.  No fuss.  My son has his father's last name (my last name is his second middle name).  Fortunately for him, he did not encounter any problems because his last name doesn't match mom's.  Here in this area, it is not unusual that kids and moms have different last names; it's just not a big deal.  All kids do not face the problems with which you dealt.

    When I marry in July, I will not change my last name, nor will my FI change his.  We're both happy with our decisions.
  • edited May 2011
    I agree that the mom/kids las name not matching isn't a problem.  My mom got remarried and my sister and I were the only two in the house without the same last name as everybody else. Nobody bothered us about it.  If you keep your name you can give your kids his last name. I think hyphenated last names are hard on kids because they're not that common.  I remember a girl in school who's mom was remarried and they changed the girl's name so that it was hyphenated (her original last name and her "new" dad's name) and that's when she started having to explain her name to everybody.
  • eck036eck036 member
    First Comment
    I work at an elementary school, and it seems like a lot of the girls add a new last names when their moms get remarried, because they want to have the same last name as Mom.. Awww... They don't legally change it, they just start writing it that way on their assignments.

    I am also not excited about changing my last name. DF wants me to take his. I like my last name, but I have to admit my new name will sound more pleasing once it's changed. I am worried that I am going to get a lot of monogrammed "M" stuff, which I don't want because I feel more like mourning the loss of my last name, not celebrating his new (M) name. Any suggestions?
  • breanessbreaness member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2011
    It could always be worse. A friend of a friend's maiden name was Bonass (pronounced Bone-ass) and she married a guy named Weiner. She hyphenated. She's just embraced it.
  • There's no law that says you have to change your name.  I never did but my daughter carries her father's surname.
  • OP, I have also been trying to figure out what to do with the last name.  I am not in the same boat of you though.  I love my very Italian name and do not like his short stupid name.  It is a last name that kids giggle at. 

    What I found to help is to read posts titled like yours to see what others do.  I am now closer to a decision.  (I think First, Middle, Maiden, His).  I am going by last name in my field since that's how everyone knows me and I do not want to lose my reputation.  (plus having participants giggle at his last name will get old fast).  I always share with him what I read on the knot (especially the fun posts) and he is now considering adding my maiden name after his middle name. 

    And do not worry about spelling.  I automatically spell my name when people ask for it.  It is a habit now. 
  • I originally added H's name to mine even though I didn't want to.  It was important to his family and I didn't want to start our marriage off on the wrong foot with his family.  I spent 8 years hating it, with H saying "just drop my name, who cares!"  So I did, and I'm so much happier to be back with my maiden name.

    My point is, go with your gut, and know that you can always change it later if you find you made the wrong choice.
  • I'm also not super excited to take my FI's name. Though I do not have a fantastic relationship with my father, I've learned to love my last name.

    FWIW, I did get teased and a lot of questions for not only having a different last name from my mother and having the same last name as my not so favorite stepmom.

    I haven't decided if I'm going to take his name yet, but I tell myself it could be worse. He could have the same last name as his little sister, Fegenbush....
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  • It could be worse....there was an episode of 4 Weddings where her new last name was Quakenbush. 

    I'm actually excited to change my name because I have a German name that no one can ever pronounce or spell.  FI's is easy, although with my first name sounds really similar to an old baseball player, but I'm sure not many people will get that reference

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  • Many women opt out of the whole name change "tradition" now. Personally, I was soooooo excited to take my Hs last name only because of what it represents to me. His last name could have been thunder thighs and I would have taken it.

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  • I'm so glad that this was posted....I have been asked this question so many times. I love my FI so very much that I love his last name too. But he comes from a very large family.....and if I was seen out I would Mrs. L along with 50 other woman lol. I also hear are you related to Sophia Loren (his name sounds similar but is spelled way different). So in order to keep personal identity I think I'm going to hyphenate. My father only has two daughters and his brother has only one daughter...so in reality their is no one to keep the name going. When I was little I was told that Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez (my spelling is wrong I'm sure) are brothers. Charlie took his dad's last name and Emiliano took his moms. I always thought I would get married and have two son's and one would take my name and the other would take his. Ha wishful thinking. Anyway my FI is happy no matter what, I can take his or hyphenate as long as the kids have his last name. And I can't really blame him for that.
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  • I agree with the PPs who suggested you wait to change it. It's not like you just sign your new last name on your marriage certificate and that's it. I've actually had a few people suggest that if you're going on a honeymoon out side of the US it's easier to just wait anyway because of passports, etc. So what's the difference if you wait two weeks or two months (or longer)?

    Also, it's pretty old-school to assume that children have the same last name as their mother or father. I've heard that most schools, etc, now ask the mother what her last name is. To me this is not a big deal. I'm keeping the name I've always had; it's part of me, and that's it. Too bad that FI would prefer if I change it. He would never change his to mine. It doesn't mean I'm not excited to marry him or that I love him less!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-excited-new-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:bbcd34eb-999c-4d79-81f1-69d0a0921025Post:61c97dd4-f65c-47db-9942-569684f824e6">Re: Not Excited for New Last Name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]It could be worse....<strong>there was an episode of 4 Weddings where her new last name was Quakenbush.</strong>  I'm actually excited to change my name because I have a German name that no one can ever pronounce or spell.  FI's is easy, although with my first name sounds really similar to an old baseball player, but I'm sure not many people will get that reference
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    This is our landlord's last name!  I don't think it's so bad. 
  • tayliataylia member
    First Comment
    I don't think there's anything wong with not taking his name its all in how you feel, but I think taking his name is beautiful thing. I like the fact in taking my FI's last name it will take getting used to but I'm going to do it because our son says I'm not like them cuz I don't have their name!!!!!!!!! reallly. Do what makes you happy but consider his feelings about it too have you asked him how he feels?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_not-excited-new-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:bbcd34eb-999c-4d79-81f1-69d0a0921025Post:c21f0bc6-b7a5-4f7f-a641-7eca7bc05e83">Re: Not Excited for New Last Name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so glad that this was posted....I have been asked this question so many times. I love my FI so very much that I love his last name too. But he comes from a very large family.....and if I was seen out I would Mrs. L along with 50 other woman lol. I also hear are you related to Sophia Loren (his name sounds similar but is spelled way different). So in order to keep personal identity I think I'm going to hyphenate. My father only has two daughters and his brother has only one daughter...so in reality their is no one to keep the name going. When I was little I was told that Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez (my spelling is wrong I'm sure) are brothers. <strong>Charlie took his dad's last name and Emiliano took his moms. I always thought I would get married and have two son's and one would take my name and the other would take his.</strong> Ha wishful thinking. Anyway my FI is happy no matter what, I can take his or hyphenate as long as the kids have his last name. And I can't really blame him for that.
    Posted by BrideBling82[/QUOTE]

    Actually, Martin Sheen's real last name is Estevez. Sheen is his stage name and Charlie adopted it. Charlie Sheen's real name is Carlos Estevez.

    My H's best friend has two daughters with different last names - one with his, one with his wife's. It's a solution, for sure, but I'd rather my kids have the same last name as each other than the same last name as me, so I compromised and I'll let both/all my kids have my H's last name.
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  • I dated a guy who was one of 4 kids.  His mom kept her last name, so she was Susie Smith and Dad was John Jones.  They decided to give the kids opposite names, so kids 1 and 3 got Mom's last name and kids 2 and 4 got Dad's last name.  As it turned out, this meant the girls were all Smith and the boys were all Jones.  At some point they decided it was too much hassle and made all the kids Jones, with Smith as a second middle name.
  • I just have to chime in and say that the worst last name I ever heard was Blubaugh, pronounced Blue-Baw, and of course people made fun of her and called her Blueballs.  I know that has to suck!
  • I am in the same boat as you are and I feel bad that I hate his last name so much that I am considering to not take it.  The only reason I am even considering it is because it is really hurting his feelings that I don't want it
  • I have worked in the military personnel arena for most of my career and literally have hundreds of names go across my desk in any given month.  A few of us have a list of names we would never ever take, no matter what.  My apologies in advance if any of you have friends or family with these last names.

    The first is Krapp and the second is Aschitty.  Seriously?  Their kids will be known as little schitts!

    We have a whole list of last names that are awful so it's the inner-office entertainment on a bad day. When we come across truly awful first names we always comment on how their parent's nursing homes will suck.  I sat down once with an 18 yo kid whose name was Melvin Elwood Lastname.  Probably treasured family names but you can't tell me that is easy to get through school, let alone basic training with.
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