Giving away of the bride

Qkellygirl

Hi All,

We are getting married in the Church next Sept. I'm blessed to have booked my mom's church and a great priest. However I'm concerned about some of the traditions.

For example. I refuse to be "given away." I'm 38 and have been living on my own since I was 17, over half of my life! My father passed away when I was a teen and my brother (who has Down Syndrome) is walking me down the aisle. it's not symbolic of anything, I just want a shoulder to lean on as I walk and my bro is so excited to do it. I've made it very clear to my fiance, mom and inlaws that I WILL NOT allow any reference to "who gives this woman..." as that is hypocritical and false. The only one who gives me is me. My bro will escort me and then sit down.

Do you think this will cause problems? Not that I'll change my mind, but I want to be prepared. Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!

Qkellygirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_giving-away-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:c8b78f1e-cd96-49f2-9ffa-28d33996a9cdPost:9a45e815-03a7-4f9f-a7d0-99a267b90b82">Giving away of the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All, We are getting married in the Church next Sept. I'm blessed to have booked my mom's church and a great priest. However I'm concerned about some of the traditions. For example. I refuse to be "given away." I'm 38 and have been living on my own since I was 17, over half of my life! My father passed away when I was a teen and my brother (who has Down Syndrome) is walking me down the aisle. it's not symbolic of anything, I just want a shoulder to lean on as I walk and my bro is so excited to do it. I've made it very clear to my fiance, mom and inlaws that I WILL NOT allow any reference to "who gives this woman..." as that is hypocritical and false. The only one who gives me is me. My bro will escort me and then sit down. Do you think this will cause problems? Not that I'll change my mind, but I want to be prepared. Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!
Posted by Qkellygirl[/QUOTE]


PS: It is a Catholic Church, thanks

Simply Fated

You're overthinking this. I would just talk to your officiant about not using that phrase. Either he can change the wording or not say anything about it at all. It's really not a big deal. If anyone questions it, ignore them and stand your ground.

gundy21

My DH and I were each escorted down the aisle by both of our parents (we were both in in our later 30s as well).  At the beginning of the ceremony, all of them were asked, "Who supports this marriage?"  Additionally, all of our guests (as a big group) were asked the same question after our parents.  We really like that this included everyone (especially since we had a small guest list).

Tami87

I have never heard any phrase like who gives this woman away done in a Catholic ceremony. Nor was it done in at my Catholic wedding mass. I have only seen this done at various protestant churches.

Also traditionally in a Catholic ceremony the bride and groom both walk down the aisle together and may be escorted by both their parents. This is to reflect the fact that they both enter marriage of their own free will, not that the bride is given away by her father. It is in the United Sates that it has become popular for the priest and groom to wait up front while the bride is escorted by her father. So in Catholic churches in the US this is typically an option, but you don't have to do it this way. I don't think there should be any trouble with being escorted by your brother, if this is what you prefer.

http://www.catholicweddinghelp.com is a great resource if you have questions about a Catholic wedding ceremony. Also there is Catholic Wedding Board under the cultural boards and the women there will be happy to help with any other questions you may have.

MairePoppy

Catholic women are not 'given away.' That would go against the requirement that both the man and woman enter into the sacrament of marriage of their own free will.

tiny speck

Ditto PPs that this is not a Catholic tradition. If I remember correctly, it appears in Anglican (and some other protestant denominations) services.

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_giving-away-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c8b78f1e-cd96-49f2-9ffa-28d33996a9cdPost:9a45e815-03a7-4f9f-a7d0-99a267b90b82">Giving away of the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All, We are getting married in the Church next Sept. I'm blessed to have booked my mom's church and a great priest. However I'm concerned about some of the traditions. For example. I refuse to be "given away." I'm 38 and have been living on my own since I was 17, over half of my life! My father passed away when I was a teen and my brother (who has Down Syndrome) is walking me down the aisle. it's not symbolic of anything, I just want a shoulder to lean on as I walk and my bro is so excited to do it. I've made it very clear to my fiance, mom and inlaws that I WILL NOT allow any reference to "who gives this woman..." as that is hypocritical and false. The only one who gives me is me. My bro will escort me and then sit down. Do you think this will cause problems? Not that I'll change my mind, but I want to be prepared. Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!
Posted by Qkellygirl[/QUOTE]

I agree with the the 2 PP's. This is not a Catholic tradition. My brother also escorted me down the aisle, he gave me and H a hug and the ceremony proceeded.

Qkellygirl

Great, thanks everyone!!

losttimetraveler

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_giving-away-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:c8b78f1e-cd96-49f2-9ffa-28d33996a9cdPost:7cb264a6-5ea8-4095-936e-9c70add80b4d">Re: Giving away of the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]You'll need to talk to your officiant.  Ours had no problem getting rid of the line.  I think we actually changed it to something like "who presents this woman to be wed?" and my parents who walked me down the aisle said "we do". Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

Ooo! I like this. *writesdown*

Dreamergirl8812

I agree with your decisions. My dad is very much alive and is walking me down the aisle but I made it very clear to the officiant that he is not "giving me away."

I am not one for tons of attention so I think walking down the aisle is going to be overwhelming with everyone looking at me. Including my future husband! So I am so glad I am going to have my father's arm as I walk down the aisle. If he wasn't around I would choose another man that made me feel safe and comfortable.




In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_giving-away-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c8b78f1e-cd96-49f2-9ffa-28d33996a9cdPost:9a45e815-03a7-4f9f-a7d0-99a267b90b82">Giving away of the bride</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All, We are getting married in the Church next Sept. I'm blessed to have booked my mom's church and a great priest. However I'm concerned about some of the traditions. For example. I refuse to be "given away." I'm 38 and have been living on my own since I was 17, over half of my life! My father passed away when I was a teen and my brother (who has Down Syndrome) is walking me down the aisle. it's not symbolic of anything, I just want a shoulder to lean on as I walk and my bro is so excited to do it. I've made it very clear to my fiance, mom and inlaws that I WILL NOT allow any reference to "who gives this woman..." as that is hypocritical and false. The only one who gives me is me. My bro will escort me and then sit down. Do you think this will cause problems? Not that I'll change my mind, but I want to be prepared. Any feedback is appreciated, thanks!
Posted by Qkellygirl[/QUOTE]

Wife Kitty

Major kudos to you for bucking the old tradition of being "given away." I feel exactly the same as you do; I am "given" by no one. I have two fathers - my dad and my stepdad - and they will both have front row seats with our moms and with his parents and grandparents when I walk down the aisle with my two little brothers as my escorts.

Since my brothers and I have always been kind of a dynamic trio, and since they will also be groomsmen, I couldn't think of anyone better to take those steps with me toward my new life. It will be something they can do that makes me feel like they're included on my side of the bridal party, if only for a few moments, since they'll be standing on my fiance's side for the ceremony.

They're my pals and my peers, so I won't feel like they're giving me away at all. And no way are we having any reference to that line either read or stated.