Groom Family Involvement

JRose+AJohnston

I'm just wondering how involved the grooms family has been in your wedding planning both if they're helping to pay and if they're not?

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_groom-family-involvement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:ddcef768-1447-4df3-9597-b7a6a422d8e9Post:10b23a9e-c74c-4e9f-b32b-faa4d274bc06">Groom Family Involvement</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just wondering how involved the grooms family has been in your wedding planning both if they're helping to pay and if they're not?
Posted by JRose+AJohnston[/QUOTE]

<div>My ILs weren't involved much.  They didn't pay for anything (which we didn't expect) and they didn't do much as far as planning.  MIL lives OOT, so we showed her a few things while she was visiting and gave opinions, and then gave us a list for her side of the family.  </div>

theluckiest555

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_groom-family-involvement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:ddcef768-1447-4df3-9597-b7a6a422d8e9Post:be461783-53c2-431a-aa31-c2b93bec3cce">Re: Groom Family Involvement</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Groom Family Involvement : My ILs weren't involved much.  They didn't pay for anything (which we didn't expect) and they didn't do much as far as planning.  MIL lives OOT, so we showed her a few things while she was visiting and gave opinions, and then gave us a list for her side of the family.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Same here. The only thing that my ILs are payiing for is the RD and the tuxes for FI and his GM. Other than that my parents are paying for everything.

zazelle

My parents sat me down and told me how much they were willing to contribute.  His parents agreed to contribute the same amount, though they are also covering the rehearsal dinner (they have more $$ than my parents do). FI and I will be spending about as much as our parents. While we're able to afford the wedding we want, it makes for a lot of opinions to take into consideration!

katheriner89

FI's parents have not given us any money to help with the wedding. But I didn't really expect any. My grandpa is paying for the entire wedding. FI is paying for the rehearsal dinner.

kind of sucks, but it is what it is
I still love my soon to be in-laws.. i've been including FMIL with everything.. they would give us money if they could.

lsvensson

When we first got engaged, my parents said they wanted to pay for a certain aspect (all of the food and booze at the reception), and whatever that comes out to be, they'd pay it , provided it's $X amount or under.

My future in-laws, upon hearing what my parents were planning to contribute, came up with a figure to contribute (slightly less than my parents' contribution), and have very generously kind of said, "Here, you've got $X from us to put toward whatever you need, call us when you need our credit card."  So they haven't really given us parameters for what their money will cover-- basically, it's for whatever miscellaneous costs are left over after FI and I put in our contribution and my parents' reception contribution goes down.  They've been a dream in that they've offered no input as to what they would like to see from the wedding, in terms of details (I still try to keep them in the loop and make them a part of some of the decision-making process, though, so they don't feel left out).

DramaGeek

ILs paid for our rehearsal dinner.  That was their only monetary contribution, but they did some other things, like help set up for the ceremony and MIL had the bows for the candleabras.

kellya01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_groom-family-involvement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:ddcef768-1447-4df3-9597-b7a6a422d8e9Post:9c5d683e-be1f-4aeb-a002-b31baf1b7171">Re: Groom Family Involvement</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter recently became engaged, her wedding is in the fall of 2012.  My husband and I are paying for daughter's wedding, the in-laws only RD.  We invited her future parents-in-law to visit a venue with us, to be nice and to include them, and they completely took over, asking about the cost of this, the cost of that, how would this work, is this included in the price, and so on.  Now future MIL is researching every aspect of the wedding, calling vendors, etc.  I think it's time for a little chat.
Posted by steffenfam[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow, that's a bit crazy!</div><div>
</div><div>Thankfully, my FI's family has been very easy-going and helpful whenever we have asked for a bit of help getting guests addresses.  We didn't want to have too many hens in the henhouse (or cooks in the kitchen, etc), because it's just too much to manage if too many people are working on it.  So, it's been mostly me with financial help from my mom.  His family is planning and paying for the RD, and I've tried to stay out of the way and just let them go with it, but I'm at the point now that I need to know where and when it is, so I can tell the wedding party and have it on their wedding itineraries!  Thankfully there is still enough time left to not panic yet!  July 16 is coming soon!!! :-0 </div>

Beazilla

His mom paid for the cake and his stepmom is going to help me put the flowers together. His mom also spent about 10 hours dress shopping with me. His family is about as involved as my family is since both families are OOT and we're paying for most of the wedding ourselves. His mom wants to be more involved but there's not really much for her to do from a couple thousand miles away.

Allycat11

FILs are paying for our cake, rehearsal dinner and maybe another miscellaneous thing here or there.  FMIL is also making our card box for the reception and we will probably enlist her help for pew bows as well if we use them.  They are also throwing a shower for us. 
FMIL also went bm dress shopping with us, and helped assemble save the dates.  I like having her involved whenever possible, but she lives 3 hours away so it can be tough.  She is good at voicing her opinion when neccessary, but also making sure that I stay true to what I want. 
FSIL is a bm and trying to be as involved as possible, but also lives 3 hours away.  She also is good at letting me know her opinion but making sure I am getting what I want. 
I am luckier than most though and love my FILs.

GeauxTigers17

Our situation is pretty traditional. My parents are paying for the wedding, with the exception of a few things I just wanted to pay for myself. FI's parents aren't paying for anything but the RD. 

My FMIL isn't really all that interested. She lives out of town, so it's hard. It's pretty much my parents' show, and we're all fine with that. I haven't even picked out much, TBH, but my mom has amazing taste, so I can't complain.

Steffenfam, I think my mom would flip out if my FMIL did that! My mom didn't even want me to show FMIL a picture of the dress I picked out, haha (I did, though - she asked!) 

jess9802

My FMIL offered us $2000 for the wedding, which was really offered so that we could have a catered meal and not just a cake and punch reception. FI and I are contributing about $2500. The wedding is taking place at my FMIL's home, and I've included her in meetings with the caterer and florist, but all the decisions are ours.

amycannova

My FI's parents haven't offered to pay for anything while my parents offfered to buy my dress and help pay for the food. I'm not expecting them to offer to pay for anything and just cut us a check. It's just more like them. If they ask what they can help with I will for sure give them something but if they don't I know it will just be a check.

ashliniko

My FIL are paying for the RD- which I guess they are planning all on their own- bc they haven't asked our opinions about anything??  They are also paying for my bouquet, and I asked them to pay for their Mothers book bc the photography package was so expensive.  My parents are paying for absolutley everything else, except the honeymoon- which my FI paid for. 

Lisa50

FI and I are footing the entire tab.  There has not been any family involvement on either side, which is just fine.  Actually, my cousin (a minister) will be our officiant, but that's the extent of it.  Everyone is planning to show up, so we're happy!

ootmother2

My exH and I paid for everything other than the rings and HM.

ILS paid for the rehearsal dinner and we splitt he cost of the day after brunch.

The FILS did offer to contribute to the wedding but we said no. They gave that money to the B&G as a wedding gift.  That,combined with their wedding money, was their down payment on their first condo

OuachitaTrixie

FILs offered to pay for photography then took it back.  they haven't offered anything since except a list of invitees. 

Reeeeaally don't know what to think of that.  FI is hurt by this too, especially because the only answer as to why that they've been willing to give is that "Stepdad has decided that he doesn't believe in weddings, only marriage."  We're taking that to mean that he wants a court house or as close to free as possible wedding.  This is not about their financial capabilities, it's about how they choose to spend it, which is totally fine.  It's just hurtful that they offered 2800 (!!) for photography then took it back.  That has caused us to have to give up some things we thought we were going to get to have since we are now paying for photo out of the budget that is from my parents and our own funds.