"Dollar Dance" Alternatives?

marguerita04

So I don't know how far this tradition reaches (ND, SD, & MN for sure), but in my region it is tradition that the B & G take time to dance with everyone who is willing to pay $1 - "The Dollar Dance".  The problem is that this tradition usually takes place right when everyone is dancing and the party is really getting going.  Then, the DJ has to play 5-6 slow songs (or more) so that the B & G get a chance to chit-chat with everyone and so that everyone has another chance to help the B & G pay for their HM by pitching in their "dollar".

Our problem isn't that we're worried that we won't get time to mingle with everyone to acknowledge the time they took to be with us on our day - we decided we'll go around to all of the tables during dinner to toast with them.  Our problem is that the couples we know who have done the dollar dance say they've made a LOT of money doing it (typically $2000-$2500).  This is because oftentimes the uncles and aunts are willing to pay $20 to help out the B & G. 

It might sound greedy, but our families expect some way to "help out" the B & G, and to be honest, we would appreciate whatever help we can get.  Does anyone know of any other traditions we can use to replace this awful, boring, party-killing tradition?

marguerita04

Haha... so I posted this, then I noticed another post about the dollar dance on which most people think it's tacky because you shouldn't be "begging for money from your guests".  I agree - but most of our family wants to give us money for these types of traditions, and expects these kinds of traditions (another is the garter auction, during which the DJ accepts bids from people wanting to buy the bride's garter).

So, still, any alternatives would be awesome

trix1223

The fact that your guests "want" this tradition doesn't mean you have to do it.  I married into a family that ALWAYS did a $$ dance, and to this day, still does.  (I've been married a long time). 

I was appalled and we refused to do it.  Guess what?  They may have b!tched behind my back, but no one complained that the party stopped so that we could panhandle at our wedding.

And coming up with an "alternative" fundraiser is still going to bring the reception to a screeching halt.  A garter auction?  Ewww

Believe it or not, your guests will survive if you don't beg for money at your reception.  You will too.

marguerita04

Yeah I really don't know what we'll do.  Oh well.  We're not inviting children, either, so either way I'm gonna have people pissed off at me.

pixiedust84

Yeah just don't do it. Please don't do it. I had never even heard of this tradition until the Knot and was SO disgusted by it.

It's great that you have a generous family who wants to help out. They can take the opportunity to do that if they choose to give you a gift! Voila problem solved. They get to help you out of their own free will and you don't have to look greedy and yucky at the wedding.

It's okay for you to break the cycle of wedding fundraising. I really don't think it will offend anyone. It will probably make some cheer.

quotequeen

If people want to "help out" the bride and groom, why don't they do that with their gift?  The ONLY redeeming quality of the dollar dance is that it's an expected tradition in some families.  IMO, there is no way to replace it with something else, that will inherently not be traditional, and have it be anything other than a shameless request for cash.

andy71781

Yeah just don't do it. 

Nefferbeth

I think others are too harsh on this tradition and I think you should get 1 good substitution option. My family also has this tradition, but I will not be doing it at my wedding. I was thinking of replacing it with another tradition in my family, the money tree. Family members donate bills which can be decoratively folded and attached with ribbons or just hung with paper clips or mini cloths pins to a branch, creating the money tree. It is less intrusive in the festivities and the bride and groom still get the much appreciated financial boost from loving family members.

undiscovered778

Okay, so I totally understand - it is a Midwest tradition! These people who think it's "disgusting" obviously aren't from the Midwest - it's odd NOT to have a dollar dance here!

That being said, my fiance and I have opted out of a dollar dance for our wedding. Nothing will replace it, except that him and I will be cutting in on other couples dancing throughout the night and asking to dance with them - that way, other people who may be afraid to ask will still get a chance to dance with us - such as our grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.

If it's the money part that you're hoping for, but not the "party stopper", then listen to this idea. I was at a wedding this weekend where the groom was 1/2 Chinese. They had these Chinese dancers and musicians - and some of the  Chinese dancers dressed up like a big Chinese dragon. If you held a dollar out, the dragon would come up to you and "eat" it out of your hand! It was so fun, and people WANTED to give money! This all happened before dinner even started - it was a pre-meal entertainment. So if you can think of some sort of tradition that your family has, or find some way to pull your heritage in, it's fun and not tacky at all.

Hope that helped!

nda_roxybabe

Dollar tree is even WORSE than a dollar dance. My goodness people are tacky.

If you're family and friends want to gibe you money, they will.

emilypeach

i've been wrestling with this too...  I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a dollar dance and I've never heard anyone I know (friend OR family) say anything negative about it.  People who want to participate, get up get in line and have a good time with it.  Guests who don't want to do it, just simply don't, they stay at their tables, chit chat with other guests, and in my experience, don't think twice about it.  For example, I've never danced with any groom during the dollar dance, but because I'm shy and don't like dancing. 

Until I got on theknot and read all these horrific comments about how tacky and moneygrubbing it is, I NEVER had these opinions. And now all of a sudden I'm second guessing myself.  I really don't understand what the issue with it is.  I think if there's someone who came to my wedding and is THAT insulted by what I'm doing, then obviously THEY need to leave and I wouldn't even miss them! Rude? I don't care.  Call it the 'Dollar Dance' the 'Honeymoon Dance' the 'Well Wishing Dance' or whatever you want.. its a great opportunity to migle with guests who you might not have had a chance to otherwise, if they don't put a dollar in, I'd still LOVE to dance with them.  It's not about the money, its about the fun and the experience of that time with your friends and family.  Isn't that what a wedding's all about!

My Dj has tons of ideas on how to keep it lighthearted, fun, and we'll be making sure he says something to the effect of what we want is a chance to dance with everyone

alehayes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-alternatives?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:dee9df17-e593-485e-9056-4c74b7caa7eaPost:1cf08331-4092-4d28-8e8d-f42bbd743cbd">Re: "Dollar Dance" Alternatives?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so I totally understand - it is a Midwest tradition! These people who think it's "disgusting" obviously aren't from the Midwest - it's odd NOT to have a dollar dance here! Nope!  Wrong again.  Some of us who think it's disgusting do live in areas where it is common.  And it's not a "midwest" thing, as there are plenty of people in other areas of the country who do it and plenty of people in the midwest who have never seen one and would be appalled by it. Please don't ever use your geographic location (at least within the US) as an excuse for doing something.  I absolutely promise you there will be at least one bride on this board who lives or grew up in the area you are saying finds whatever acceptable who will shoot a hole in the theory.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Agreed, Stage.  I live in the Midwest (Indiana, to be exact) and none of the weddings I've ever been to have included a dollar dance, and those include weddings of Ohians and Kentuckians.  So it is not a "Midwest tradition".  Maybe it's common up north, but it is NOT common down here. 

kassin01

I have been struggling with this as well. The problem that we have with it is that it just takes SOOOO long because so many people want to participate. One great alternative we're considering is having a dollar kiss.... instead of clinking glasses during dinner to make the B & G kiss, people will bring a dollar up to the head table and place it in a box to make them kiss.  Friends of ours did it and it turned out great... The guests had fun and the party went off without a hitch! Plus...this way you still have a fun tradition but one that doesn't kill the party!!!!