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Customs and Traditions

Brides parents not attending

So my parents won't be coming to my wedding.  They aren't paying for it in any way but want me to have the wedding in Arkansas where they live so that they don't have to travel up to Oregon. I can't afford to pay for my own wedding and travel expenses, so decided on having a small wedding here.  Almost all of my fiancés close family is coming, but so far it's looking like the only family of mine that will there is my sister who is my maid of honor. Has anyone else had this situation and if so who did you get to walk you down the aisle?  

The few close friends we have already have roles in the wedding and I'm just not so sure about having his dad give me away.  Is it crazy to just walk it alone?

Re: Brides parents not attending

  • MissySue20MissySue20
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    edited August 2010
    I am sorry to hear about this. Is there any way you and/or your parents would be able so save so they can attend? I see you are about a year away, so that is a good timeframe to start saving for the plane ticket, etc. And you never know, let things settle down for awhile, esp if you just got engaged and maybe they will change their mind.

    As far as walking down the aisle, could you have your FI dad or an older brother in case your dad is not there?
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  • edited August 2010
    Well, I'm living paycheck to paycheck and paying for my entire wedding and reception by myself with leftover loan money from college. I have like $1500 for the whole thing. Paying for 4 round trip plane tickets would almost wipe out the whole budget (unless kids fly for free on planes in which case it'd only be two tickets but that is still almost half of my whole budget).  Despite that, I already offered to pay their way and they still refused because they have no one to watch their farm for a few days.  I know for sure that they are definitely not coming. 

    It feels bizarre to have the grooms father give away the bride and neither of us has any other men in our family who are able to make it. 
    The main point of this post was to find out if anyone else has ever taken the walk alone or plans to.  If you've already done it, how'd it go? Also, is it weird to have a girl do it? That was the other thing I've considered.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    You can have anyone you like, male or female walk you down the aisle. Or walk alone. It's a personal decision. Pick someone you feel close to. You could also have your husband to be meet you at the end of the aisle and walk you down. That would be very romantic.

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  • That's actually a good idea having him walk me.  Hadn't thought of that.  

    It's untraditional, but then again the whole wedding has started to take that turn. This actually fits in well with the whole thing really.  

    Thank you :)

  • Yes, walking down the aisle alone or with your FI is becoming more popular these days.

    I don't have a great relationship with my Mom (she is very controlling, even of my Dad) and I wasn't sure if they were going to attend at first. I am pretty close to my FIL, so I was ready to ask him or one of my uncles if my Dad had decided not to attend.

    I am really sorry you are going through this. Hang in there. Look at it this way, at the end of the day you will be the one that is happy and still married your best friend, your parents are the ones that will have to live with their decisions not to attend. As my great-grandmother always used to say: "if there is a will (to attend the wedding), there is a way. Don't lose hope just yet.
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  • Many brides walk it alone because they don't like the idea of being "given away" in the first place. If you do like the tradition, you can have anyone fulfill the role like PP said. whoever you are close to. I'm with you though that it would be really really weird to me if your groom's dad walked you.

    FI and I are walking it together. We are starting on opposite sides of the ceremony site, walking towards each other, meeting at the top of the aisle, and walking down the aisle together. should be pretty sweet and awesome. I'm stoked.

    Other brides walk the whole thing alone. Or the groom walks up the aisle to meet them halfway. Or any number of things. Whatever you want to do works just fine.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    desert*bride, that's a nice touch. Your h2b will still get that 'first look' experience and you will have your favorite escort. That's awesome.

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  • I'm definitely sorry that you won't have your parents in attendance at your wedding, but no, it isn't strange to walk yourself down the aisle.

    I wish you peace and happiness and the most amazing day.  Best wishes.
  • I think all the other answers are great, but to add my two cents, a friend walked alone because her father is no longer able to walk.  He could not attend the wedding, and rather than have someone stand in, she walked the aisle alone.  It's definitely done for various reasons (extraneous circumstances, personal choice).  I like a PP's suggestion of meeting your FI and walking with him.  I "awwwww!"ed out loud when I read that!
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  • That's too bad about your parents.  See a post called "The Walk" for more ideas.
  • At my sister's wedding, my parents did not come.  My brother and I basically played the part of the bride's parents.  And yes, she still hasn't forgiven them for this, 30+ years later.

    At my second wedding, my parents were not there (by my choice).  My wife and I walked down the aisle together.
  • In Response to Re: Brides parents not attending:
    In Response to Brides parents not attending : I'm going to say what nobody wants to say: are you SERIOUS??? This bothers me on both ends--your parents are too damn stubborn to show up for your wedding, and you're too damn stubborn to figure out why they won't do so. I'm sorry, but you're crazy to walk it AT ALL, unless, of course, you're leaving out years and thousands of stories of family drama. Or the fact that your family refuses to accept your marriage. Barring that, there's no reason that they cannot attend. I've been living on student loans that barely cover my rent, but I wouldn't miss a wedding! I know this may sound harsh and insensitive, but I can't imagine you're okay with this, and you need to deal with whatever has led you to this point. I just can't imagine any parents choosing not to attend the wedding of one of their children. There is something wrong with that equation, period. If this is something you were already prepared to deal with, then go forth with it! Screw tradition, if tradition means that you're sacrificing who you are.
    Posted by riverjib

    You're right, this sounds harsh and insensitive. It also sounds ignorant. She doesn't has to post the entire details of her family dynamic, she just explained that her parents aren't going and can she walk alone. Calling her stubborn for not wanting to figure out why her parents aren't going is presumptuous and rude.

    OP, good luck in your decision! I love having the groom walk down to meet you and escort you up :)
  • I hear you... I don't want my father there, but tradition states that unfortunately the FOB is a big deal. I would ask someone else, but I only have an older brother who isn't down for that kind of responsibility... All I can say is keep your chin up and enjoy your day with your FH! Maybe he might have some ideas on the subject and if not, I'm sure he will try to ease your stress over the situation and make you feel better. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to do. Ultimately, it's only the two of you on that day that really matter anyway.
  • HI - I've been struggling with this myself. I don't have parents/family, so there really isn't anyone I'd choose to walk me down that aisle. So far, what I've come up with is having my BF/MOH and FMIL walk with me... FMIL is matriarch of FH's family, BF is closest to family I have. I like the way that feels. I think that the key is to find what makes sense to you and FH. That's my two cents, anyway. Hope you find something that feels right.
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