No wedding vows...

Cupcake0629

Hi ladies,

I need some advice.  I'm Italian and I'm marrying into a Greek family.  My fiance always said that he wanted to get married in the Greek Orthodox church and always told me how much that would mean to him,  So when the time came to choose a venue, I told him that I was willing to have a Greek wedding.  I recently found out however, that there are no wedding vows in a Greek ceremony and I'm not allowed to bring a priest or pastor from another denomination in to co-officiate the wedding.  Saying my vows to my husband on my wedding day has always been something that has meant the world to me and I've looked forward to that moment my whole life.  The fact that I'm being told I can't do it now is absolutely breaking my heart and I don't know what to do.  If I would have known this from the beginning, I would have been a little more cautious about agreeing to the Greek wedding.  

Does anyone have any ideas about how we could incorporate vows into another aspect of the wedding festivities?  I've been racking my brain and I can't think of how they could fit anywhere else 

itzMS

You either support your FI's religion and its customs or you don't.

Saying vows outside of the ceremony is really not appropriate.

Why not write out what you would've liked to say to him in terms of vows in a letter? It can be delivered to him on the morning of your wedding.

FWIW, many religious brides don't have the option to say customized vows. You and FI have to decide what is more important.

znd13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_no-wedding-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f1fab38d-adcb-47a7-a123-cf372229d660Post:8cf0c718-c1eb-46bf-9e09-a8da8be74327">Re: No wedding vows...</a>:
[QUOTE]You can say vows to your fiance privately.  Just the two of you.  I think that would be a beautiful moment.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Me too. </div>

[Deleted User]

SInce you've already agreed on you may be stuck. I do like the pp of planning a private moment for you two to exchange your vows, because it's him that your making the vows to, not the anyone else. So if it's a private moment, it may be that much more special. You can even be creative and add a few extra I vow to never .....

I got married in Christian Church & didn't get to do my vows. That's are big joke now, can't do a vow renewal, we never did vows. The reason we didn't do them is the pastor messed up & skipped right over them. I was so in the moment that I didn't realize it until after we had already left the church.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_no-wedding-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f1fab38d-adcb-47a7-a123-cf372229d660Post:d023a40e-144c-441b-a079-05e5596dd509">Re: No wedding vows...</a>:
[QUOTE]You agreed to have a wedding in a certain religion without knowing the doctrine and parameters of the religion?  
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

That's this Catholic wife of a Greek man's first thought also.

unchatenfrance

Do you get to do vows in a Catholic wedding? (honestly don't know, just curious)

I am generally not a fan of speeches, but I've been to weddings where the bride and groom did a "speech" at the reception - basically a brief thank-you to the guests before doing vows of sorts to each other (saying how much they love them, can't imagine their life without them, etc.) You could do that.

But keep in mind that the reason there are no vows in Orthodox churches is because the wedding is NOT when you promise to spend the rest of your lives together. Orthodox philosophy is that you have already made that promise before the wedding, so the church ceremony is just a blessing of a union that has already taken place. You also don't get to say "I do" at the wedding ceremony - you say that at another private ceremony a month or so before the wedding (you attest before God that you are not related to each other, are not being coerced into the marriage and are not already married - then you say that you do wish to marry the person). Then the priest posts the banns for three weeks, and then the following week you have the formal ceremony. So I think personal private vows before the wedding are a good option.

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_no-wedding-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f1fab38d-adcb-47a7-a123-cf372229d660Post:457dfc79-5d05-434b-97a5-f39b8c70f88d">Re: No wedding vows...</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you get to do vows in a Catholic wedding? (honestly don't know, just curious) I am generally not a fan of speeches, but I've been to weddings where the bride and groom did a "speech" at the reception - basically a brief thank-you to the guests before doing vows of sorts to each other (saying how much they love them, can't imagine their life without them, etc.) You could do that. But keep in mind that the reason there are no vows <strong>in Orthodox churches is because the wedding is NOT when you promise to spend the rest of your lives together. Orthodox philosophy is that you have already made that promise before the wedding, so the church ceremony is just a blessing of a union that has already taken place.</strong> You also don't get to say "I do" at the wedding ceremony - you say that at another private ceremony a month or so before the wedding (you attest before God that you are not related to each other, are not being coerced into the marriage and are not already married - then you say that you do wish to marry the person). Then the priest posts the banns for three weeks, and then the following week you have the formal ceremony. So I think personal private vows before the wedding are a good option.
Posted by unchatenfrance[/QUOTE]

I think this is why DH refers to my e-ring as my wedding ring.</div>

Lisa50

There is no reason you and your FI cannot say your vows before the ceremony, in a private room, is there?

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_no-wedding-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f1fab38d-adcb-47a7-a123-cf372229d660Post:f6df9572-700c-48a6-a697-d8a14803a149">Re: No wedding vows...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is time to talk with FI about what being married in a GO church means. It already means no vows, which you are unhappy about. Does it mean promising to raise your kids GO? How do you feel about that? I feel like you need more information before going ahead with a GO ceremony, but the letter idea is lovely if the vows are your only hesitation.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yeah, OP, you need to think about this beyond the ceremony. As far as I know, religious ceremonies of any kind imply that you and your husband will live your life as such religion and raise your children that way. You're kind of baptizing your marriage. Doing a GO ceremony and not living GO may be quite offensive to his family and the church. </div>