Fiance's Sisters NOT as bridesmaids?

edaviso

I have already chosen and asked my closest five friends to be in my wedding party & am perfectly happy with the choices I made. My fiance then put the idea in my head that I'm supposed to include his two sisters in my bridal party (I don't have any sisters of my own, and I'm not close with his since we all live in different states and never really talk) I like his sisters, and I hope that we do become close in the years to come, but I also had to leave out close friends of mine from the WP who I've grown up with, along with cousins as well...is it a faux pas if I DON'T include his sisters in my wedding party?

megk8oz

When it comes to future "sibling-in-laws", it's always best to go down the path of least drama. Please remember, there's an excellent chance that you will be seeing these ladies (Or a different relative that might be offended) at pretty much every family function "for as long as you both shall live". If there's somebody there will always bring up the fact that you left them out, it's way better to just ask them to stand up.

Also, they can stand on his side if your FI would prefer that.

I have a brother and DH has a sister, we knew we wanted them both in the WP and we really didn't have a preference who's side they stood on, but we didn't know how they felt about it. So when we discussed it with them (Individually, and away from the moms, lol), we just said "We really want you to be a part of it, but we know you're not really close with (insert me or DH here). Since we're all going to be family, we want you to do whatever your most comfortable with, whichever side you want to stand on is fine". They both opted to stand on the more "traditional" side, but we really would have been fine either way.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fiances-sisters-not-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:074dcfc6-d44b-485d-817e-159a6dd8bd5ePost:fa80e626-317f-4e39-94c2-c79b38467783">Re: Fiance's Sisters NOT as bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, after reading a couple of the other posts apparently the not a bridesmaid disscussion is a bad one to have. Totally disreguard my advice on that, sorry. Most literature I've read on the subject, this website included, has said it's best to inform people who are going to assume their in the wedding that they're not rather than do the awkward avoidence thing, but I guess that's changed (which I'm relieved about since I was not looking forward to that conversation I was going to have).
Posted by jms1019[/QUOTE]

As Homer Simpson once said, "Seems like the classy thing to do would be NOT to call attention to it."

emilyinchile

Oh my god, Jms, I'm so glad you found this board before you had that conversation!

OP, just read all of Brooke's posts again. Since it's family, figure out the most drama-free solution, whether that means they go on your side, your FI's side or just are guests.

ireallywantapug

I did NOT ask my fiance's sister for many reasons, mainly:

1) She is a lot older than us and has two teenage sons (not that that reason alone would do it).
2) He is not close with her and really finds her irritating.

However, after I asked my two best friends and my 9 y.o. niece (and NOT my own half-sister who I am not at all close with and is 20 years older than me), his sister threw a fit! She said I was rude and inappropriate and she has more of a claim to being a BM than my niece does!

Moral of the story: You need to decide how much dram you can stomach, and talk to your fiance about it.

(Lucky for me, mine told his sister to grow up and shut it.)

ButtonsPepper

My one brother got married two years ago. His wife (whom I wasn't close with) asked me to be a BM. She did NOT ask my other sister. We got closer through it all, I'm glad she asked. I'm sure my sister felt slighted, so don't just ask one...

But I was glad I was asked. It was really nice to spend the time with her, get to know her more (she was 4 states away), and just grow a relationship.

My other brother is getting married Next fall 2011, and she asked her bridal party, my sister and I were not asked. For her, it just didn't make sense for us to be in her wedding, which is cool too. We'll still go to my brothers wedding super happy for the two of them, support their marriage and wedding, and be there regardless of any bridal party crap.

So my advice, is do what you feel you want to do, but don't single one out over the other.

junelley

I think you should try to do what would cause the least drama.  After all, she will always be your FI's sister, and you might have to deal with this forever if you don't include her.  If you don't dislike her, I'd say maybe to suck it up and accept her, and try to think of it as a chance for you future sisters to get to know each other better.  If that doesn't sit well with you (and I don't blame you) I think you should just tell your FI to include her as his groomswoman if it's that imporatant to him.  That way, she gets to be part of the wedding party and you don't have to exclude any of your friends.  My brother is my Gentleman of Honor and I love it.  Your FI shouldn't pressure you into having to include her since it is your bridal party - and because of  that, I voted no.  It is not a faux pas.

bablingbrooke

Just don't be so shortsighted that you overplay the importance of the day and ignore the larger context: you are joining this family.  If you have the attitude "This is MY DAY and you all can just deal with my decisions" you are starting that relationship on an antagonistic foot.  World, I hope that doesn't come back to bite you.  The wedding is just one day, but the marriage is a lot longer.  You don't want your behaviour about the wedding (which, in the scheme of things, is really not that important--I say this as someone who LOVED her wedding but in the end it really is just one day) to color the rest of your marriage, which is paramount.

honeybee724

Fiance's sister is a bridesmaid.  I often wish I hadn't asked her because she's very difficult and controlling- but I also figured it would cause more drama if I didn't ask her.  So I just try to minimize any wedding discussions with her and remind myself that its only one day but she'll be around forever.