Problems in potentially having a party

igloo71

My wedding is in December of this year, and I am quickly running out of time to decide on a wedding party. I have people who I know I would want up there with me, but there is a problem. I plan on having my biological father walk me down the aisle, not my step-father (whom I lived with growing up). My father and I have a better relationship so I feel it is my right to choose him.

Two of the people I want to be in my party, a cousin and a good friend, will not agree with this idea. My cousin has been made to believe my father is a horrible man and my good friend is also friends with my mom, who will not support the idea of not using my step-father for any father/daughter stuff.

Basically I just don't know if it is worth the potential drama to even have a bridal party, or if I should just say screw it and just have my fiance and myself be the only ones up there

em01092

You get to decide your WP, and you get to decide who will walk you down the aisle. Your friend/cousin get no say in that. They may have their opinions, but if they can't respect your choice, then no offense, but they don't seem like people I'd want standing up beside me. 

Are you close at all with your stepdad? If you are not, disregard all of this paragraph. If you are close, I imagine he'd be a little hurt if you didn't do anything to recognize him if he helped raise you, but he should also understand if you have a relationship with your biological father and want to include him as well. Have you considered any compromises, like having them both give you away, or your dad escort you part of the way and then your stepdad the rest?

By no means do you have to have a WP, but you shouldn't think that them being BMs = a say in your wedding decisions. The only thing they should have a say in is the budget and style of the dress they will be wearing. 

Simply Fated

Who the hell do your cousin and friend think they are giving you grief about your father? Your friend is literally choosing being loyal to your mom over you. It's all kinds of messed up. You don't have to choose your party yet, if at all. You should wait a couple of months a revisit this. If these two people are still holding your dad hostage, then skip the party.

Meghannsix

Being a BM does not give anyone a stronger voice in what you want to happen at your wedding.  If they're going to be upset, they'll be upset as BM's or as guests, you probably can't change that.  Include those people who are special to you!

igloo71

Thanks for the advice everyone. I know who I have do what is ultimately my choice but I know these people would likely try to persuade me otherwise. My fiance asked my father for his blessing to propose, and wasn't really sure about asking my mom, and my cousin harassed him about it until he did because it was easier than dealing with her.

I would rather have them upset as a guest than upset as someone who should be supporting me.

As far as using my stepfather in some way...really not sure. He and I really do not have a good relationship, which is the main reason I plan on using my dad for all that stuff.

mbody

Your cousin and friend get no say. If your friend and cousin are going to stick their nose into your business, they will do it whether they are part of the WP or not. So, that is completely irrelevant. Bottom line, it's your choice who will be in your WP and who will walk you down the aisle.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_problems-potentially-having-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:09147cde-0223-4c65-8ac9-0d7686a810b7Post:28eaf3d6-b766-4538-b4fc-935a66f2d44c">Re: Problems in potentially having a party</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the advice everyone. I know who I have do what is ultimately my choice but I know these people would likely try to persuade me otherwise. My fiance asked my father for his blessing to propose, and wasn't really sure about asking my mom, and my cousin harassed him about it until he did because it was easier than dealing with her.<strong> I would rather have them upset as a guest than upset as someone who should be supporting me</strong>. As far as using my stepfather in some way...really not sure. He and I really do not have a good relationship, which is the main reason I plan on using my dad for all that stuff.
Posted by igloo71[/QUOTE]

<div>If they are going to be vocal about this issue and give you grief, they shouldn't be invited to the wedding at all.</div><div>
</div><div>These people do not sound like friends.  They sound like bullies.  </div>