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Wedding Party

Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party- Who is responsible?

Hi!I was wondering who exactly is suppose to put on the bridal shower and bachelorette party? I know the Maid of Honor (or both, as I have my two sisters with that label) should do it, but what about the other 2 bm's?. I had my best friend just ask if I was going to do either one which really disappointed me because a- I have explained to her how I was going to do at least the BP the weekend everyone comes and she obviously didnt remember and b- Is she suppose to be planning it with my sisters?I don't want to say anything to her to be rude, but was just wondering what is expected of her as a bridesmaid besides helping me get ready?Thanks!

Re: Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party- Who is responsible?

  • Anyone who wants to host a shower or bachelorette party for you may do so. It's not the responsibility of the Maid(s) of Honor (although that's "traditional" in many circles, but it's not a hard-and-fast rule). The bride should also not be involved in the planning. You're certainly allowed to give someone a guest list and some available/preferred dates if she asks you ... but you cannot outright ask for a shower or bachelorette if nobody approaches you about it. Brides are not owed these parties, or entitled to them. So if nobody offers to throw them for you, then you don't get them. I agree that it stinks, but it's incredibly rude to throw showers and bachelorettes for yourself, so if nobody throws you one you unfortunately have to just grin and bear it. (If you want to plan a Girls' Night Out, where it's clear that people aren't expected to treat you or get you a gift, then that's fine.)If your best friend asks about it, just tell her to talk to the other BMs and Maids of Honor about it, and explain that you're staying out of the plans since it's rude for the bride to get involved. No one is "supposed to" do anything - it's all about who WANTS to do it.
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  • Nobody is responsible to hostess it and anyone who wants to may except the bride herself. So moh are not required but may if they wish. Bm may if they wish but notr required. If you do not get all the parties planned and paid for by others you want well that is fine as a bride you can not demand the gift of friends time and money BM is an honor. You are honoring her friendship the only duties are to get attire show up and smile
  • My bridesmaids, MOH, and mom together planned and paid for my shower. My bridesmaids & MOH together planned my bachelorette party, but the cost of that was shared by all attendees equally (except me). In my circle, this is all expected. And no, I didn't have to mention anything about anything. My sister asked for my shower and bach party guest list, but I was not involved AT ALL in planning. Nor did I request or demand either. Both were kept a surprise: My shower was a complete surprise as to date/time/location/theme/menu/everything. The only thing I knew was that it was bound to happen, since neither my sister nor my mother would allow my wedding to go by without a shower. I know them. My bachelorette party was preplanned as to date, but time/events were a surprise. My sister just gave me an idea of what to wear, and after that I had no idea. Even once we were inside the first place standing on line to be seated, I had almost no idea!
  • Showers and bachelorettes are thrown FOR you - not by you.  If you want to plan a girls night out for a weekend that everyone is in town that's great - but it's not your bachelorette.Anyone who wants to throw you a party can.  Ideally the MOH and BMs work together to jplan those parties but sometimes, financially or logistically that doesn't always happen.  Just remember that those are gifts from your gals and there is no such thing as a required gift.
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  • Whoever offers to do it. Typically this will be the MOH but not always--my BMs (minus MOH) planned/hosted my bach party, and two of my aunts threw the shower. Don't assign people or remind them of their "duties"--you wouldn't do that in any other context of your life, so don't start here.
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  • And to answer your follow-up, if one BM isn't pitching in, that's for THEM to work out between themselves, not for you to get involved.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • I definitely wont pitch in :) I dont want them to think I'm bridezilla! And you're right, I shouldn't use responsible or supposed to, that is bad wording. More than anything for my friend I was just disappointed she didnt remember because of all people I just want her to be there for me. And its funny, I actually don't even want a Bridal Shower because I think it's weird for people to come just to bring you gifts. My sisters have convinced me its more fun and that we should do it... we will see! Right now I think it's on, I will figure out if they still are doing so.Thanks for the input!
  • My bridal party consists of my sister who is MOH. I'm in NYC and she's a school teacher in Aspen. I was worried about who would do the planning for my bach and shower as it was understood my sister wouldn't be attending either one. Soooo, my friends were nice enough to help out! My mother lives in a different state and is footing the bill for the bridal shower but my girlfriends have planned it for me. They even sent out the invites. I pretty much planned the bachelorette party but my friends sent out the initial emails to see who would be able to go and we picked out things to do together. I'm really lucky to have such great friends. I'm sure it will work out. Everyone will just be happy to be included in your wedding.
  • Traditionally, the MOH plans the bachelorette party. Usually there are a few showers.... LIke the MOH or sisters could throw a shower and an aunt or something. I agree with you though, I would not know what to do if someone asked me what to do for the parties... because you aren't really supposed to be planning them- usually someone else does it. I bet someone will throw one for you. Everyone gets confused about traditions and such. There are so many expectations and everything surrounding weddings, it's crazy...
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  • Ignore the bour chick. She is a teenager who has never been a bm since still a child can not have been to a wedding as an adult No traditionally the moh does not plan. It varies. Some circles the bm often plan, some the aunts do. It depends on circle and who has the time money and desire to do it . Nobody is required to spend their money planning parties in your honor but anyone who is so inclined can do so as a lovely gift.
  • I have to respectfully disagree with you, ffmaid. I don't think bourgehm said anything out of line - your "ignore" comment was pretty rude. Saying that the MOH "traditionally" throws the shower/bachelorette isn't the same as saying she HAS to throw it. She's just saying that in many circles, that's what the norm is. A lot of previous posters, myself included, said the same thing.
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  • mabcd- You are right. I apologize. I took her incorrect statement a little hard as I just read how all of us who are over 19 are clearly old hags and bound to end up on 2nd marraiges. Ugh So I was mad at her and then I disagreed with her. It was probably a bit harsh as a result. Bour- I'm sorry for the previous post. Op-Same statement nobody is required or should feel obligated out of tradition to plan you a party.
  • oh and traditionally there are not several showers traditionally there is 0 or 1 only in the last decade or so is more then one becoming acceptable
  • I don't know that that's the case either ffmaid.  Back when my aunt was younger (and she's in her 60's now)  she knew that if she was a BM, she'd be attending about three showers.  MIL had two when she was married 35 years ago.
    Thenimage Nowimage
  • I think if multiple people throw the bride a shower of their own volition (i.e. coworkers throw a work shower, her local friends throw her a shower if the wedding is oot, and a shower in the same city as the wedding), that's fine. If the bride dictates that multiple showers are to be thrown, that's bad.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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