BM possible prego?

kellyksb05

I'm actually a bridesmaid in a wedding, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant, I made the B aware of this before I was even officially asked to be in the wedding (it's my brother's wedding). She went out with her sister to pick the dress, giving the other bridesmaids no opinion, and chose a dress that would not work with a person would could possibly be 6 months pregnant. I've since told her that if I find out that I'm pregnant which will be in 2 weeks, I will not be able to wear the dress, she is dead set on everyone wearing the same dress, now she has kicked me out of the wedding. Any opinions? She's asked me to read or hand out programs, but i'm not sure I even want to be involved. I was open and honest about the possiblity of pregnancy to avoid this situation and it still happened. Not sure what to do, and I'll be truely hurt if I end up not being pregnant and I'm not in my only brothers wedding, I just don't see why she can't wait 2 weeks for me to find out. Any thoughts or opinions would be helpful! Thanks!

emilykathleen511

Wow, your FSIL is a brat. I'm sorry she put you through that. I would just go with the flow so things go smoothly at this point and just do what she wants you to do. She was wrong and extremely rude for booting you out, but there isn't much you can do about it now without stirring the pot as they say.

kellyksb05

Thanks for you thoughts...I really appreciate it! I'm trying really hard to keep my cool, I just don't understand why she can't wait 2 weeks, but what's done is done..the crappy part was that she did it through e-mail, she didn't even have the nerve to tell me face to face.

NortonMyers

OMG!!! That is an increadibly crappy situation. I assume you and your brother are close... Maybe talk to him about how to best address his finace about this (advise only- DO NOT USE HIM AS A LIASON). It is her wedding after all, try not to take it personal that she wants a specific dress. Is it possible to alter the dress' midsection to fit you prego- I have never had a child, but you shouldn't be super large at 6 months?? You could get a much larger size and have it taylored to fit in all the right areas. This would be expensive, but it depends on how much you want to be in the wedding party. Also, suggesting this to the bride will give you an idea about whether her issue is with the dresses all being the same, or all the bridesmaids being clones. Are all the bridesmaids the same weight?

emilykathleen511

To me, she shouldn't have had to "wait two weeks." She should have accepted you, pregnant or not, either way and accommodated with attire that you could wear if pregnant.

megk8oz

The only thing that really comes to mind is your "friend" is a tool. And whether or not you are pregnant (Congrats in advance if you are!), I really wouldn't even bother have anything to do with this person anymore.

emilykathleen511

Yeah, Meg, except she is FSIL, so it's kinda unavoidable.

megk8oz

Oops! Clearly Meg needs to proof read. Correction: Your FSIL is a tool.Carry on.

kellyksb05

In regards to the dress and having it sized...I spoke to the store manager with the B there and she said that at by the time you order the dress big enough for the belly, the bust wouldn't be able to be taken in enough. At 6 months you would have a belly and with the way the dress is it has a huge piece around the waist, that will not lay right on a person who is prego.

blackfire5th

If this was a friend, I'd tell you to dump the friendship, but since it is family, I guess you can't. I would call up the store and find the last possible moment to order your dress. I wouldn't worry about the bride. She probably wants everyone to order at the same time. If this is true, tell her you contacted the store and have found out when you can order the dress and that you will order it yourself (dye lots don't matter, they all end up the same). Wait until you have to order the dress and order it to fit your body (pregnant or not) and stand up as a bm. Or you can call your bro and talk to him about it and see if he would rather you stand on his side, just wearing a black dress.

kellyksb05

She knew this before she even asked me to be in the wedding and before you she even went to look at dresses, she simply doesn't care otherwise she would have picked a dress for me that would work. I think she only asked me because I'm the sister. Everyone has had some very good opinions/thoughts, thanks!

kellyksb05

blackfire...She won't let me order the dress later because of the chance the colors could be off...I thought of that same thing,lol..I was even going to pay a rush fee if I could do that. She actually wanted us to order the dress this past weekend, but since I wasn't sure if I'm pregnant I couldn't, which postponed everyone else. The plan was to wait until the beginning of november, but since the next time we are able to try is at that point it will be too late, so we'd really only have to wait 2 weeks before I know. And my brother already has too many guys.

kellyksb05

retreadbride... I wish...lol...but my husband has been asked to be an usher (unless they kick him out too), and it is after all my brothers wedding.

blackfire5th

Does your brother know what is going on? How would he feel if you weren't involved?

blackfire5th

Oh and seriously, I think the whole "dye lot" thing is something the wedding industry made up to make everyone order and get more money at once. All 6 of my bm bought their dresses over a 6 month period from 3 different stores and they all looked the same.

kellyksb05

I don't know how involved he really is...I did make sure to copy him in the e-mails I sent to her so he knows exactly what was said.I really don't talk to him that much, I use to see him every sunday when my husband and I went to my parents for dinner, but we've been a little busy the last couple weeks...and now I don't know if I even want to be around them after this, which sucks because I thought this would bring us closer so we could have a better relationship.

blackfire5th

I'm really sorry Kelly, but maybe this is a good thing. I can't believe your FSIL would do that to you, but she doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be around and if your brother supports her like a FH should, I'm not sure I'd want to be around him either. You could always recommend she come on theknot and hopefully she will post about this and everyon here and put her in her place.

kellyksb05

Guess I'll just have to see whether this will all be in vein...hopefully I'm pregnant then I won't care so much about not being in the wedding...although I do think if she really wanted me the wedding she'd find a dress that I would fit into regardless. When it's all said and done we will be family and what happens during this whole wedding planning process can set the tone for after the wedding.

Leah&Christian09

Ugh. Sorry your FSIL is such a terrible person. I would take the $ that I was going to spend on a dress and go buy myself a treat. That should be enough for a massage and a facial. And I'd probably tell my whole family about what she did. I'm juvenile like that.

kellyksb05

lol, i'm sure word will get around!

bablingbrooke

She's a peach.

banana468

WOW.If I was close to my brother, I'd probably call him and say, "Your future wife just kicked me out of the wedding because there's a possibility that I might be pregnant when you get married.  I just thought you'd want to know this is the type of woman you've decided is worth being with until one of you is dead."Yeah, it's mean and harsh but when someone does something like that, you almost want to scream from the rooftops how insane the behavior is.Either that or offer to pass out programs and hand out ones that have a little insert including her email kicking you out for possibly being pregnant. OK, that one would be horribly mean. 

megk8oz

As far as the dye lots go, it depends on where you go.I did everything w/David's Bridal, and while in the store, my mom was giving me a hard time telling me I need to tell my BMs to all order their dress on the same day because of the dye lot thing. The sales people overheard this, and told my mom to relax, because for whatever reason (They gave one, I honestly don't remember it), dye lot doesn't matter to them anymore, because they have some fancy system that gaurantees the dresses will all match no matter how far apart you order them.If she's using them, maybe you can ask about this.Also, I would see if maybe you could stand up on your brother's side instead ... then maybe you won't be stuck in her precious BM gown.

megk8oz

Banana-your advice makes you my hero for the night.

banana468

HA!  Meg, dare I ask which portion of the advice you like?  :-)

megk8oz

Banana-the "revisions" to the program.But then again, I have slight evil streak in me like likes to encourage bad behavior I do not have the cajones to carry out myself, lol.

melishka716

::hug:: Wow. She kicked you out for being PG and you're not even sure if you are or not?What a peach. Just be the bigger person. Honestly, being a guest is an honor, and handing out programs is a job. When you've cooled down enough, try talking to her about it. Maybe she'll realize she's a brat. (Probably not...)

ffmaid

First Congrats on possibly being pregnant. Second even if you are not if you want to be good luck becoming pregnant. Now to the issue your FSIL is a jerk of massive preportions. If you are close to brother I would say something to him and I might even suggest since she wants matched on her side and sisce it is the two of you who are close that you would love to stand up for him as a grrommaid if he would like that as you truly love and support him no matter what choices he makes. If brother does not stand up for you then I woudl mention this to all other family in the WP and your husband at least should decline to usher and you should decline to pass out programs ect. If your parents are paying any portion of this wedding I would mention this slightly to them because I know if my parents heard of one of us treating our siblings this poorly that would be cause to pull funding. Oh plus your parents will probably go ga ga over the grandkid. FYI My twin sister was 7 months pregnant in my wedding as my moh. Well I had asked all my ladies to wear any solid medium blue any shade( exc knee length dress so she followed that guide as well but bougth hers from motherhood maternity.

BelhurstBride

Your FSIL is an immature brat. I would be prepared for a future of self imposed drama. I would also have my husband step down and let her know that you'd both rather attend the wedding as just guests. Hopefully she'll eventually see how ridiculous she's being, but I doubt it.

sohappyforthem369

Sounds like you need to talk to your brother and stand on his side either way (p or np). It's his wedding too.

ButtonsPepper

HOW DARE YOU TRY TO HAVE A BABY WHEN YOU KNOW WHEN THE WEDDING IS!!!!Ugh... stupid bride. My bridesmaids picked out our dresses, and all ordered but my sister. It was odd. She said she would at a later date due to the fact that she may be pregnant. Turns out she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!All the girls are in short dresses, and the sister is in a long maternity one. I want to hit her, very hard. i'm so excited my sister is going to be 8 months pregnant at the wedding. I don't know a better way to have pictures, then the start of a new life in them! Tell her to shove it!