Sister of the Groom

skittlz511

How do i handle a difficult future sister in law.  Has something to say about everything i pick.  Puts her two cents in everywhere, but doesn't seem to really care.  Just a bit frustrated. 

gottahavashorti

Don't bring up the wedding in front of her.  If someone brings it up and she says something, just tell her that you and your FI have already made a decision on it.  If you haven't, tell her you'll consider her idea.  Doesn't mean you have to use her idea.

skittlz511

She's in the WP.  She had down right refused to go along with  my decisions.  From shoes to dress.  I actually changed my BM dresses because of her. 

gottahavashorti

What was wrong with the shoes?  Matching shoes are generally discouraged because what is comfortable for one person may be painful for another.  Some people live in heels and others can't stand them, in case that is the issue.  If she had an issue with options like "black strappy sandals" or "anything gold," maybe she thinks it won't match?

skittlz511

It's a kitten heel sandal.  I'm having a beach wedding.  She doesn't like that the heel isn't high enough.  Only reason i picked these shoes is because the groomsmen are all between 5'6'' and 5'9''.  She is 5'5'' so a tall heel like she wants would be strange.  She wants 4-5 inch heels.  Did i mention my wedding is at 130 in the afternoon?

gottahavashorti

A heel would only be strange because it's a beach wedding, unless it's on a deck, indoors overlooking a beach, or otherwise not on the sand.  Slightly sinky.  Also, kitten heels are not comfortable for everyone.  I find them to be harder to balance in than a 1.5-3" heel.

skittlz511

Outside... on a deck.. right at waters edge.  I do appreciate your feedback.  Gave me things to think about.  My concern with the heels is the slats of the deck.  Don't need her breaking her ankle walking down the aisle. She'd really only wear them for the ceremony and pictures.  She could go barefoot or wear 7 inchers for the reception.  she fought me on the dress too.  I changed it because she didn't like the one i picked.  she was the only one.  Didn't mind too much, the one we went with is the same style and same color... Guess this is just one of those things that will work out somehow in the end.

mbcdefg

Dictating shoes is completely unnecessary. Back down on that and maybe she'll come around on the dress.Or let her choose her own style of dress from a designer, color and length that you choose.

banana468

Be flexible.  Don't dictate shoes and make sure that everyone likes the dress.If she's a "normal" adult then she won't find something wrong with everything however as a bride, please don't dictate the attire too much.  This way she get to have the input.  Stay firm on the dress choice - the one that she likes.  Beyond that, let them do whatever they'd like with the rest.  Then she only has herself to blame if things don't go in her favor.

skittlz511

The dress she wanted is the one we went with.  Everyone ordered their dresses already. Except her.  Go figure.  been thinking about the shoes and right now i dont care what she wears.  Sleep helps alot.  If my dresses weren't tea length i honestly wouldnt care what everyone wore on their feet bc they'd be covered by the dress.  All the reasons i mentioned for being "upset" about the shoes... heel height, type, the deck for the ceremony, they are all valid reasons for the same issue.  i'm over it right now.  Thanks to everyone for their advice.  it's much appreciated.

bablingbrooke

Think about the last 5 weddings you went to: Have you EVER noticed the shoes the BMs were wearing? That should tell you how much energy this is worth. None.

gottahavashorti

I've noticed shoes in pictures before.  But, only in the sense of "I want those shoes, I wonder where she got them" and never because it doesn't look good.  You can voice your concerns about the deck, but if she's used to wearing 4" heels she can probably easily navigate slats and other obstacles in her heels.  Glad you've re-thought the shoe issue.

LarissaAnn

Yeah, better to have each in what they like. It's more comfy for 'em. And don't worry too much... I can do 5" stilettos without an issue, so maybe she can too.