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Bridesmaids' help with planning

Out of curiosity:

Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?

Did you WANT help planning your wedding?

Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?

If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?

Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?
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Re: Bridesmaids' help with planning

  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer? My bridesmaids are all in different states.  Only one of them and my sister/MOH live in CT.  So no, they didn't offer, and I definitely didn't expect them to.

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding? Yes, but not from them.  Once in a while from FI would be nice though!

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)? I don't know.  I never even thought about asking, because they ARE so busy. 

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys? HA.  I can't even get FI to help with the wedding planning, I would never think of asking the groomsmen.

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband? I really did expect more help from FI, because I wasn't the one who wanted a big wedding, he was.  When he didn't want to do anything or get involved at all, it knocked me for a loop.  But I've learned to deal with it.  At least if I'm the one doing the planning, I don't have to worry about something not getting done.
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  • emilyinchileemilyinchile
    5000 Comments
    member
    edited June 2010
    My local BM was also our photographer, so she sent me a bunch of inspiration photos just because she looks at blogs all day long anyway. She also came with me to my dress fittings.

    My other BMs were all seriously OOT. MOH offered to help look for BM dresses online when we were first getting ideas and came up with a couple options that we discussed, and the other two BMs were guinea pigs for trying on the dresses and actually found the final choice (that we hadn't seen online). One of them also coordinated ordering the dresses and shipping them to PA and Chile.

    That was literally every single thing they did - in large part because 3 of them live on another continent and the other one was traveling in Europe for 3 months. They also all work or study fulltime. I wouldn't have asked them for more if they'd been around, but I know they would have offered, so they probably would have all come to fittings...the other stuff I wouldn't really have involved them in anyway, H and I wanted to pick/do all of that.

    ETA: DH was pretty helpful. I knew most of the details would be my job because I was the one who cared, but he came to a lot of vendor appts and took care of the things I specifically asked him to (even if it took him a while). The concept of a WP doesn't really exist in Chile, so just getting the GMs to wear black suits and show up was enough responsibility for them :)
  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?
    None of my BM helped me plan anything for my wedding.  DH and I did it all because we were the ones getting married.


    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?
    Yeah, I wanted help.  I wanted to be the groom and just show up.  But it was my wedding so I was responsible for the planning (and I was too cheap to hire a wedding planner).

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?
    My BM didn't offer to help and no, I didn't get upset.  I honestly didn't even want to plan so why would my BM when it's not even their wedding?

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?
    I was thinking the same thing.  Why are the guys excluded from being expected to help when the girls aren't?

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?
    Nope.  My DH did a wonderful job with what he said he was going to do with the planning.  My BM all looked beautiful and showed up sober for my weddingWink, what more could I ask for?



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  • Out of curiosity:

    Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer? They didn't help plan, but they did help with details right beforehand. My sis made some labels for my OOT bags if that counts. Oh and they helped build the chuppah the day of with me. They never did things without me though.

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding? Not really. One of my bms had gotten married the year before and she yelled at all who helped so I wanted to avoid that all together.

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)? No, because it's their time, their choice, their life. It's NOT their wedding.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys? N/A...also, you have GOT to be joking. There's no way that GM would help....lol

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband? DH helped whenever I asked. Sometimes he sighed a little bit, but he knew that this was going to happen when he asked to marry me.
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  • I don't expect any help from my WP.  If they were in the same state as I am, or the same area as the wedding, it might be nice if they offered a little, but since they aren't, there is really nothing they can be helpful with.

    However, one of FI's sisters, who is not in the wedding, but is currently living with FI's parents near where the wedding will take place, has offered to help, mostly because she is unemployed and bored.  She will be making our table squares and helping to assemble the centerpieces.

    The only other person who is really helping with anything is my mom, and only because she complains that I'm not involving her, so I'm finding things for her to do.
    Married 10/2/10
  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?  All 4 of them live in CT and no more than 20 minutes away from me. With that said, 2 came to one of my dress appointments with me and one accompanied me on a florist visit. One came with me to a bridal expo. That was it. DH and I did the rest.  They volunteered a lot and did a really nice job with both shower and bach event - actually, they blew me away with the bach event. I was very touched at the lengths they went to put on a wknd of fun events and it means a lot to me that they did all of that.

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?  I didn't want to ask anyone to do anything I didn't find fun - therefore I stuffed my own envelopes and addressed my own invites; I assembled my own favors; I accepted an offer of help to put together programs with one of my BMs but I treated her to dinner as a thank you and made sure to let her know how much I appreciated her time.

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?  Not at all. The wedding was DH's and my idea - we took responsibility for handling the particulars and I'm grateful for the help / enthusiasm my friends did offer. In fact, they probably were so willing to help b/c I wasn't demanding or acting like I expected it. I respected their time and was as appreciative as possible when they gave of their time or money to do something for me.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?  Honestly, I don't think a B&G should need much help from their attendants in general - guys OR girls. So I wouldn't expect a ton from either side. If you are planning the Event of the Century, hire a planner. I didn't expect the BMs to help. But if I expected my girls to help me...honestly, no I wouldn't also expect the guys to help DH. I just don't see what he'd need help with?

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?   My husband. We're the ones who decided to have a wedding so he and I were the ones responsible for planning and executing it. We honored our friends as BMs and GMs....and I'm thankful for all of their participation on our wedding day. It was really nice to have them standing up with us during the ceremony and having fun at the reception after.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?
    They offered to help if I wanted it, but I never took them up on the offer. My sister/MOH sent me photos or ideas once in a while, and both asked me how things were going.

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?
    Honestly, no. I have a lot of personal space issues and I'm a picky person who gets annoyed if stuff concerning me isn't done the way I want, so I much preferred for me and MH to do it ourselves. "Too many cooks in the kitchen" and all that.

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?
    If I asked them for a bit of help and they turned me down because they didn't feel like it, then yeah, I'd be a bit hurt. I'd also be hurt if they never asked how things were going during my yearlong engagement ... doesn't have to be a giant conversation about napkin colors, just an occasional, "How are you doing with planning?" or "How are things going?" Which they did.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?
    Since I didn't want/expect help from the girls, I wouldn't have expected it from the guys either. But if I wanted help I'd go to the girls first. The two guys in our wedding asked how things were going and said to let them know if we needed something, but we didn't follow up on that since we didn't need to.

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?
    I was more concerned with MH's opinion since it was OUR wedding. Plus I hate asking people to do work for me, but since it was MH's wedding too I had no problem telling him what needed to be done. We made most of the decisions together but I did most of the legwork on everything (mainly because I chat here and know about resources to find WR-information, so it was just faster and more practical for me to do it than to ask him to start from scratch when he didn't really have an idea of where/what he should look for).
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  • Great questions!

    I haven't chosen my bridesmaids yet so I can't answer the first question.  I have had many people offer to help though! 

    I do need a bit of help with some DIY projects for the wedding.  My family is very crafty and my cousin asked if she can make our wedding invitations so my family will have an "invitation night" and get together to make the invites (my family enjoys crafts and are looking forward to it).

    I would be hurt if I needed my bridesmaids help and they didn't help just because they didn't want to.  If they wouldn't want to help me I would be concerned as to why (maybe they aren't as much my friend as I'm theirs?).  I've helped my friends with a lot of things so if they didn't want to help me I would be hurt. 

    I would feel the same way about the groomsmen if we needed them and they just didn't want to do it because they didn't feel like it I would be upset.

    (all this probably because my FI and I have been used a lot from friends in the past. ex. only calling when need help moving or fixing computers or taking pictures.. so that's why I'd be concerned the same thing is happening)

    My FI and I are planning the wedding together so I expect more help from him.


  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    member
    edited June 2010
    Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?  Nope.  They were all OOT and so was I.  ETA: They were a phenomenal help on the day-of with little things here and there, as were the GM.  They all took it upon themselves to make sure DH and I always had a drink in hand and (voluntarily) started a dance that got everyone dancing at the wedding, which made them the best WP ever!

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?  My mom and MIL did everything so no--I trusted them completely and it worked out great.  Plus there's very little we could have done--we lived in Boston at the time and the wedding was where they lived in CA so it was either fly out every few weeks (and you can't fly direct there) or just let them handle it.  We opted for the latter.

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?  I would be disappointed but I doubt I'd want to kick them out over it.  It would also depend on the person--like one of my BMs has always been kind of a flake and while she's truly trying to change it, I would expect the "I'll totally be there" and then the call an hour before saying "Can't do it!" (although, to my surprise and delight, that didn't happen for BM dress shopping or the bach party, which truly impressed me and made me happy because I know that must have been a conscious effort on her part).  But another BM who isn't normally like that would be a bummer at first, then I'd like to think I'd see it for the bigger friendship issue it usually is.  Fortunately I didn't run into any of those!

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Not really.  Are they excused from helping because they're guys?  I just know them and know it isn't their thing.  Like the BMs, they were also OOT, so there's not much they would have been able to do anyway.

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?  Didn't ask the BMs or GM for anything (aforementioned OOT reason) so yes, DH and I took care of everything our moms would "let" us take care of ;)  
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  • It's funny how things change.  Back when I was married (almost 32 years ago), a WP's "duties" were exactly what we tell people here they are.  Our "job" started and ended with the ceremony.

    As a BM, I never helped with planning, nor did anyone else in the WP.  For one wedding, we helped decorate the day before.  But that was it.  We didn't throw or attend showers.  All the other "stuff" on wedding website check-lists for bridesmaids simply wasn't done.

    Women didn't have b-parties, so that wasn't even on our radar.  We got the dress we were asked to get and showed up at the rehearsal and then the wedding.

    When I was married, since it was the norm, that was how I approached our wedding.  My BMs didn't do ANY planning, or executing of our wedding.  They weren't at any of the showers I had, and that was fine, because it just wasn't done.

    We didn't have pro hair and makeup done~we just all gathered in a room at the church and got dressed. And I have to say, for the time, I had a relatively upscale wedding. 

    I think because of what was our norm, we did not have drama, because we quite literally had NO expectations for our wedding party other than what we say now:  wear the attire, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully for the ceremony, and smile for the photos.  It WAS that easy.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?  no, but one mentioned planning some sort of party. 

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?  I want help from FI most.  FILs have been great about giving suggestions, but they aren't too pushy.  FMIL went with me to talk to photogs.  FI couldn't go, and I didn't want to go by myself.

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)? nope

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys? the only help I want from the GM is to make sure FI shows up on time.

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?  FI, definitely.  Especially since FI and I actually live in the same state and we are only 4 hours away from the wedding site (his hometown).  My BMs are all at least 8 hours away.

  • ev4149ev4149
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
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    Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer? My sister (MOH) has been a great help.  She wants to help and is always calling to ask what she can do.  I would never ask her to do anything, because I know she is busy!

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding? I don't know that I want help planning, but I think opinions are nice to have.

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)? Nope.  Everyone is busy with work and life.  If they want to help, that's fine, if not, that's fine too.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?   Actually, my brother is a graphic designer, and has offered to do all my design work for me!  (Programs, menus, etc.)!!! 

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband? I expect more help from FI.  His idea of helping is "do whatever you want," which is not particularly helpful.  Mostly I talk to my mom about wedding planning stuff.
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  • I only had a MOH. She offered to plan a bridal shower and bach party but I told her not to worry about it. I did all of the planning with my mom and DH and didn't really want any more than that. I knew what I wanted and didn't need other input.

    There were only 2 times our WP helped out (which was my MOH and his best friend). The first was a "favor party" that my mom made up. We asked my grandmas, aunt, MOH and her mom, and a couple others if they wanted to help put favors together. It wasn't mandatory and we made a party of it. The other was the day before. The best man offered to come up and help us set up. It was a lot of fun decorating with everyone.

    But never once was it expected, or even asked. They offered.
  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer? I'm in the very early stages of planning but I don't plan on having BM help plan my wedding.  I've had aunts volunteer to help with anything if I need it, which I thought was really nice.

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?  Mostly just from FI, but if family wants to help that's cool.

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)? Yeah, I'd probably kick them out and verbally bash them all over the knot.  LOL, no I don't think I would even ask. 

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?  Ah that is a double standard!  It would depend on what it's for (good point, ev4149)

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?  I like when FI texts me with ideas!  I do expect and want his imput.
  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?
    I have had 3 of my bridesmaids really offer to help with the wedding tasks. I know their personalities, and this doesn't surprise me one bit. They like doing artsy things, but so do I, so I probably won't take them up on it.
     Every single one of them came in town to go bridesmaid dress/wedding dress shopping with me, but we mostly made it just a fun weekend to catch up. (They are all friends with each other too, so it was more of a girls' weekend) I also paid for the hotel we stayed in and took them out to dinner as a thank you for going with me.
    My MOH  is having my nvitations printed through her work, but she completely offered to do that, and the assembly is still up to me.


    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?
    Not really. Fi helped put together all of the STD magnets with me, but its our wedding, and I do like doing this stuff on my own. As it gets closer, I might want help assembling things, but I am OCD, so I might just do it myself. If I do need help, one of the girls who works for me volunteered, so I will take her up on it, and pay her for her time.
    I just want my friends to be interested, not really do anything, and so far they have overwhelmed me with their support.


    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)? I would be upset if they seemed to stop caring about me as a friend, but not if they didn't care about the wedding, There is a big difference. But, I would never try to organize them in a "planning party" or try to take their time to do MY tasks. Fi is the only other one responsible for that.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys? I don't expect anyone to help, but honestly, I wouldn't want any of the groomsmen going near my invitations or other paper goods. One groomsman went with Fi to the tasting though, because he is a foodie and I couldn't get off work.He was the one that wanted to go the most, so I thought it was funny.

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?  I think Fi should help out of anyone, He is the only other person who has a responsibility to the wedding.
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  • Did BMs help plan? Did you ask or did they volunteer? One is very proactive about helping. The others are all out of state but they ask all the time about the wedding. I won't ask for help. The one that is super helper has volunteered.

    Did you want help? Not really. I don't get stressed easily, i'm decisive, and laid back. It's pretty easy for me to plan on my own although it is nice to have my BMs opinions.]

    Upset if they never offered to help? Nope. It doesn't matter what the excuse.
    Same standards as groomsmen? I don't EXPECT any help but I'd say the groomsmen are treated differently because they are guys.

    More help from BMs or FI? I don't expect anything from either one; however I turn to my FI more for thoughts, ideas and opinions. I like doing the planning myself. FI and I sat down at the beginning and discussed what we wanted. He is a laid back planner also.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to Bridesmaids' help with planning:
    Out of curiosity: Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer? Did you WANT help planning your wedding? Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)? If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys? Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?
    Posted by mbcdefg
    I planned my own wedding with my fiance because I like OUR ideas.

    My bridesmaids did offer to help with things when they sensed I might be stressed/busy when the wedding date approached (one bridesmaid always asked me if I needed any help to let her know.. and I did need help with tieing bows for the ceremony programs and was very glad she volunteered)

    I asked my MOH/sister for help for a few things but wouldn't be upset if she declined. I said that I was really busy and jammed and to make things easier if she can pick up some items for the bathroom basket whenever she was out shopping already to just keep a look out.. It was nice that over the course of a month or so before the wedding she was picking up things gradually and in the end came up with a nice basket that she gave me the night of the rehearsal dinner.  Asking is always good because if you really need help and if they say yes it's nice to have some team work.  If she said no, I would understand.

    I really wouldn't ask the guys to help tie bows or make bathroom baskets.. I am not super close with his guys anyway
    image
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker 5 Love Its
    member
    edited June 2010
    Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?  MOH helped a lot at first, in the initial "Hey, what if we did this?" stage.  Once it got down to nuts and bolts, she got busy so I was mostly on my own.

    Our groomswoman was SUPER eager to help, always asking what she could do.  She was like a puppy.  She helped out with the invitations.

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding? 
    With the ideas, I was pretty fine on my own.  (I wasn't entirely sold on some of the things MOH suggested.)  With the manual labor for the DIY stuff, I certainly welcomed the help, even if it was in the form of "Come over and hang out and shame me into staying off my computer and getting done what I need to do." 

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?
    The OOT girls sort of offered, but I'm pretty sure it was more to be polite than because they were really interested.  I may have been a bit hurt if I asked and people said, "No, I don't want to."  I mean, come up with an excuse at least, geez.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys? 
    I didn't really expect the bridesmaids to offer, and I would have been SHOCKED if the groomsmen did.  Especially because I'm not really close enough to any of them to have been comfortable asking for help like that.

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband? 
    I expected DH to be pretty involved, and he was.  There were a few things that he openly didn't care about, but for the most part I would narrow something down to a few options and let him pick.  It was OUR wedding, not just mine, and I wanted it to reflect both of us equally.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to Re: Bridesmaids' help with planning:
    It's funny how things change.  Back when I was married (almost 32 years ago), a WP's "duties" were exactly what we tell people here they are.  Our "job" started and ended with the ceremony. As a BM, I never helped with planning, nor did anyone else in the WP.  For one wedding, we helped decorate the day before.  But that was it.  We didn't throw or attend showers.  All the other "stuff" on wedding website check-lists for bridesmaids simply wasn't done. Women didn't have b-parties, so that wasn't even on our radar.  We got the dress we were asked to get and showed up at the rehearsal and then the wedding. When I was married, since it was the norm, that was how I approached our wedding.  My BMs didn't do ANY planning, or executing of our wedding.  They weren't at any of the showers I had, and that was fine, because it just wasn't done. We didn't have pro hair and makeup done~we just all gathered in a room at the church and got dressed. And I have to say, for the time, I had a relatively upscale wedding.  I think because of what was our norm, we did not have drama, because we quite literally had NO expectations for our wedding party other than what we say now:  wear the attire, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully for the ceremony, and smile for the photos.  It WAS that easy.
    Posted by trix1223
    Didn't have pro make up and hair?  It seems like back in the day.. (1970's-80's people were more talented and driven when it came to that stuff.. teasing there hair and looking all fine with the make-up.. these days girls just don't know how to do anything and really I admit, I wouldn't know what to do without professional hair and make up.. The generations have changed and you can probably see that.. it's crazy how times change.. it must have been more laid back and now with all these wedding shows on tv all these girls think they have to have this and that, and this hair and that make up etc.. I think the emphasize on weddings has just increased. but how? As a person who has seen weddings from 32 years ago and in between to now, what caused all this fuss over weddings?  I do admit our generation tends to think they need that or they must have this.. how did this happen ha?  when did people care so much about weddings? back in the day, I have a feeling weddings were just a normal part of life that didn't need any fuss, but today they are not a normal/average thing.. they are a big thing with a lot of fuss.  (for the record, I consider my wedding to be a laverage/slightly above average but nothing like Platinum weddings) where did this whole Platinum weddings obsession come from
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  • beamer84beamer84
    100 Comments
    member
    edited June 2010
    In Response to Bridesmaids' help with planning:
    Out of curiosity: Did your BMs help plan your wedding? Yes - some more than others due to location and their individual talents

    If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer? They volunteered to help with whatever I needed. I didn't need much from them.

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding? Yes. My parents and FI helped the most

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)? I wouldn't care if they never offered. I'd be a bit disappointed if they didn't help when I asked simply because they're close friends. I'd be there for them if they needed help with anything, and I hope they'd do the same for me.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? No - the groomsmen were FI's guys, so I didn't talk to them much

    Are they excused from helping because they're guys? That's up to my FI and them. If my FI needs help, I'd guess he could turn to them.

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband? From my FI, with one exception. One of my BM's designed my wedding invitations by hand, which was awesome of her and took a LOT of time.

  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?  Nope

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?  I got my parents and my FI, that's all I need

    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?
      Definitely not!  I actually kind of prefer that they're not helping.  I know what I want, so it's just my parents and I getting it all pulled together.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?  I think that's an old way of thinking; the FI's best man keeps asking if there is stuff he can help with, but since the wedding isn't for over a year, we keep telling him when something comes up, we'd let him know

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband? 
    The FI, it's his wedding too
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  • UPDATE!  They're starting to offer help.

    Last night on of my BMs asked for links to dresses I liked.  She knew she'd have down-time in lab this morning, and a couple of hours ago she sent the other BMs and me an excel spreadsheet of the dresses ranked, with comments.  We're not deciding on dresses yet, but I've collected links to get an idea on what styles I like.  She gave me some good things to think about.
  • Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer? All of my BM are OOT -- more like out of state really haha -- with that being said, I have done a lot of planning, and have sent emails to them with some details - or looking for their opinions (when I was attempting to find a dress for them).  MY MOH and a one or 2 of the BM has repeatedly asked if I need any help - but honestly its just easier for me to do with them all out of state.  

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding?   help is appreciated (from FI), but really, im making it through just fine (all of our family and majority of friends are out of state so I dont have my mom around either) -- which i did jokingly tease that i hated that she was an artsy mom  when i was growing up -- this was after I finished tieing 116 little bows onto our STD's hehe -- i just cant wait to tie them on the invites too :-/ haha


    Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?
      Not at all -- if they were really really insistent (like my MOH and sis in law) and in town just having them be around would be help enough to keep me sane!)

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?  I dont expect either side to help --we jsut want them there on the day - celebrating with us -- if it wasnt for a few of the people standing up my FI and I wouldn't have ever met

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband? FI has helped with any of the big decisions (venue, photographer, dj, cake -- after i've researched and norrowed down) -- but we just bought a new home, and usually he's outside working on landscaping etc, and im inside doing wedding stuff -- when i think about it im sure he'd like the help outside as well -- but my motto is divide and conqure hehe
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  •  Did your BMs help plan your wedding? If so, was it because you asked for their help or did they volunteer?
    I asked for opinions sometimes, but never anything for them to do. They have all offered to help because they live in Boston and I am NYC (wedding is in Boston). I haven't taken them up for help, but I think that might be a control issue more than being considerate of their busy lives. Well, they did come dress shopping (for BM dresses), but that is because they wanted input into what they would wear, I don't think of it as 'help planning' really. Oh and my MOH and one BM came dress shopping with me a couple of times, but they did offer, I didn't ask.

    Did you WANT help planning your wedding? Would you be upset if your bridesmaids never offered to help, or if they refused to help if you asked for it (I'm talking about BMs who are like, "Nah, I don't feel like it" - not the ones who can't help because of their own busy lives)?
    Not help really, just advice sometimes. If my friends/BMs refused to give me advice I would probably be hurt, because that would be wierd.

    If you expect bridesmaids to help or offer to help, do you expect the same standard from the groomsmen? Are they excused from helping because they're guys?
    We asked a GM- FI's brother- for some website advice, but  just some questions, he didn't have to do anything.

    Likewise, did you expect more help from your bridesmaids or from your FI/husband?
    FI has been a great help, although I do have to ask him to do things. I didn't expect help from my BMs.
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