Should we feel obligated?

supernae

My fiancee and I need some help/opinions.

We got engaged last year in August and we knew exactly who we would have in our wedding. We each asked our five closest friends immediately and they all accepted! Hooray! Everything is perfect!

Just last week..my fiancee was asked to be the best man in a wedding for a friend of his but it's not someone that we had asked to be in our wedding party originally. It was a shock to not only me, but my fiancee as well. He accepted and said he would be honored, but here's the sticky issue: Should we feel obligated to have him in our wedding since my fiancee has THE most important responsibility a friend can have in his wedding? It's really bizarre, so I figured I would ask what yall thought.

mboja1fv

Or you could say "I really want you to be a part of my special day (or whatever guys say). I got into my head only having a certain number of attendants, but I realize that not asking you would be something I would always regret."

It's not that big of a deal - people understand how dramatic and complicated a wedding party can be.

I would say - would it make your day happier, more enjoyable? Go for it! Or would it be just as good if the friend was a guest there to celebrate with you guys?

I added more BMs about 3 months after asking because I wasn't having fun and I regretted not asking. My friends were not offended because I explained my situation and how much better they would make the wedding and I got a chance to tell them how special they were to me in my life.

trix1223

OP:  you've gotten good advice from most of the pps.  (No you don't have to ask someone to be in your WP just because you were in their's.

I just wanted to add that you have a fiance, not a fiancee.  You are the fiancee, he is the fiance.

kblynne

I agree with mboja completely. My fiance and I have been engaged for 2 years, and are getting married in 2 and a half months. He JUST asked a good friend to be a groomsman two weeks ago because their relationship changed. His friend was thrilled!! Guys don't overanalyze like girls do (most of the time). If he really is a good friend now, and it would make your fi feel less guilty, go for it. What's one more friend supporting you up at the altar?!

Also, many etiquette columns and books suggest picking your party within the first month or two of the engagement, as to not leave your friends guessing, so don't feel bad about picking early!! That just means you've had great men and women to turn to for advice all along the way.

Good luck!!

angela72023

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-feel-obligated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ba29c49-b7e7-4657-aeca-ab720261b02bPost:041a7d19-691a-4516-aa9e-5e54c2a9a563">Re: Should we feel obligated?</a>:
[QUOTE]I added more BMs about 3 months after asking because I wasn't having fun and I regretted not asking. My friends were not offended because I explained my situation and how much better they would make the wedding and I got a chance to tell them how special they were to me in my life.
Posted by mboja1fv[/QUOTE]
THIS. I added 2 BM's 2 months in because I had originally been told by my FI's aunts who I could and couldn't have in my WP. I decided I needed to have 2 people who were important to ME and added them and they completely understood (they know his family and how they are). If he is important, you have plenty of time to ask...if not, tell him how happy you will be to have him there as a guest!

supernae

hooray! ty for all the advice. Maybe I should not have said obligated...perhaps guilty? I guess I just feel a little guilty. I shouldn't, but I do. My fiance (pahahaha I didn't even know the difference in spelling. I'm a newb ) is basically everybody's best friend, so this really shouldn't be surprising I guess.