Questioning my bridesmaid choice

swolff216

I asked one of my (sometimes best) friends if she would be a bridesmaid. Of course she said yes, but right away she started making me doubt my decision. She can get on my nerves rather easily sometimes, but I feel like ever since I got engaged she is easily hostile towards me. I took her to David's Bridal last week to start getting ideas for dresses and from the moment we walked in the door it was nothing but criticism. I wanted to let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses and I haven't decided the color yet. She instantly thought my ideas were stupid, insisted on colors she liked. The worst part of all is she only liked one dress and it looks a lot like the wedding dress I had really liked! After the whole outing she has been snippy and rude to my texts. I am about to just give up and ask her to not be a part of it as well. Or am I just being overly sensitive about everything?

TiffannieF

Ok you can't kick her out with out destroying your relationship with her...I highly advice not to do that.

Hang out with her with out talking about the wedding.

And FWIW one of MOHs NEVER talked anything wedding with me...all she ever did was talk about whatever guy was using her at the time.  Never asked to go dress shopping, never asked about wedding plans or to help, she maid a snarky comment about the dress I chose for the maids, didn't get me a gift at the shower or wedding, and threw me one of the worst b-party ever....all that being said....she's still my best friend and I love her to death.  Our relationship never revolved the wedding.

froggatt.clare

Why would you want someone who gets on your nerves in your wedding?

You definitely have time before you need to order bridesmaid dresses.  I'd drop the wedding talk, since it seems she isn't interested.  If you do go with the DB color and allow them to pick their own, just tell her the color and the appropriate order date.  If she complains, she complains.  That's the one thing you get to ask your bridesmaids to do, and she should know that.

Girlie1030

Your wedding isn't until October of 2014. 

Let it go. 

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_questioning-bridesmaid-choice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3720f8ea-8142-4bbd-b3d5-41619666a984Post:d3fca40e-547e-456c-aa0e-c52ef4032fe9">Re: Questioning my bridesmaid choice</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Your wedding isn't until October of 2014.</strong>  Let it go. 
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

<div>Woah.  You are seriously jumping the gun.  You shouldn't even have asked anyone to be a BM until fall 2013.  You shouldn't start looking at BM dresses until spring of 2014.  </div><div>
</div><div>If you kick her out, you end the friendship.  For now, you need to put wedding planning on the back burner.  If you want to look at magazines and get ideas, cool.  But it is far too early to be shopping for anything or doing anything that would involve anyone other than you and your FI.</div>

Viczaesar

You can't kick her out, and holy crap did you ask your wedding party too early.  Stop involving her in wedding-related stuff or talking wedding with her (your wedding isn't for 2 years!) and work on the friendship.  It's about a year and a half too early to be looking for wedding party dresses.

BinxRose

Sure you can kick her out, if you never want to be friends with her anymore. Kicking someone out is a friendship-ending move.

graysquirrel

What is more important, your friendship or her involvement/excitement with your wedding? Even though it would be fun to have her go with you to stuff and help and be happy and excited, it just doesn't always happen that way. And if your wedding isn't for 2 years, then of course she isn't going to be as onboard. To you it is so exciting and the biggest thing in your life, but to her it is far away. Plus, pps are right about the dress shopping. Buy your dresses 6-9 mo out. It isn't fair to make them buy dresses this far out since they could change in size and you might even change your mind.

You are going to find throughout your engagement that people are going to project their own wedding ideas onto you. People each have their own idea of what is pretty or creative or fun and they WILL tell you. Take it with a grain of salt and learn who to share with and who to not. If she is confrontational or wants to tell you what to do, then just stop sharing and taking her with you. Don't kick her out just because she has a difference of opinion. Gather your ideas and then give them their options.

And for what it is worth, it isn't a BM's job to help the bride make decisions. I would work on planning on your own. It will be much easier to not have to deal with others.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_questioning-bridesmaid-choice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3720f8ea-8142-4bbd-b3d5-41619666a984Post:e8d13498-e2cd-4c5a-beca-e79958b07ba8">Questioning my bridesmaid choice</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked one of my (sometimes best) friends if she would be a bridesmaid. Of course she said yes, but right away she started making me doubt my decision. She can get on my nerves rather easily sometimes, but I feel like ever since I got engaged she is easily hostile towards me. I took her to David's Bridal last week to start getting ideas for dresses and from the moment we walked in the door it was nothing but criticism. I wanted to let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses and I haven't decided the color yet. She instantly thought my ideas were stupid, insisted on colors she liked. The worst part of all is she only liked one dress and it looks a lot like the wedding dress I had really liked! After the whole outing she has been snippy and rude to my texts. I am about to just give up and ask her to not be a part of it as well. Or am I just being overly sensitive about everything?
Posted by swolff216[/QUOTE]

Bridezilla.

Sydney91

I understand the plan and get it over with thing. I do. I am doing that. But you've got a long time to go yet. I'm trying to have everything done this fall and I'm just getting started now. You and I both picked our wedding parties too early. Just calm down and don't worry about it. I'm planning to do everything myself and my fiance. The wedding party are honoured guests that stand up for you at the wedding. Nothing more. Nothing less. I have two bridesmen. Trust me when y'all say your bridesmaids aren't interested and won't help you, it's nothing. My guys are afraid to step into the dress shop to get fitted for their suits (my man of honour wants to wear his work suit which I was willing to work with, but Mr. Groomzilla nixxed). Bridesmaids used to wear the exact same get-up as the bride to confuse spirits and demons and anyone wanting to steal the bride, way back in the day. Get over it. She will be wearing the dress, so take her opinions into account. If her attitude is truly counterproductive, then you need to sift through the counterproductive bits to get what she actually means. You also need to include the other bridesmaids in the decision-making process. Try to come up with a plan that everyone likes/doesn't object to. Maybe do this around your kitchen table with a few bottles of wine and delicious food. Take the stress of being in public out of the equation. Look at dresses online and in magazines, not on the rack until you and all of your ladies wearing them have the same basic idea of what they will end up in.