Wedding Party

nervous about asking FSIL to be BM

I know this will seem incredibly silly, but here goes: my fiance and I both agreed that we want a small wedding party - 2-3 attendants on each side at most. He has 2 close friends that he is going to ask to be his GM, which is fine. I only have one sister (and I am close with her), so it's a no brainer that she's my MOH. I would also like to ask FI's sister, who is the same age as me. However, I don't really know her that well. I've only seen her a couple of times (she lives OOT), but I figured that this could be a nice gesture and way for us to get to know one another. Only problem is I'm so nervous about asking her! I tend to be shy around her since I still don't know her that well, and I've never called her or anything. Like I said, I know this sounds incredibly silly, but how should I ask her? I probably won't be seeing her for another couple of months, and I definitely want to ask her before then.
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Re: nervous about asking FSIL to be BM

  •  I called my FSIL on the phone to ask her to be a BM. I was nervous, and so for me, calling on the phone was the easiest way without being too impersonal (such as a text or facebook message). She was very happy to be asked, by the way. Also, if you already asked your other bridesmaids, I wouldn't wait too much longer to ask her.

    Good Luck!
  • I would just call her up on the phone and ask her. However, if you don't know each other that well, be prepared that she may say no.
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  • My FSIL lives close to us, so we see her quite often. I asked her in person. Just pulled her aside and said that I'd be honored to have her as my BM. She was very excited and said yes. If she's your FSIL and her brother is getting married, I can't imagine she would say no, but don't get disappointed if she does. At least she knows you asked!

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  • I called my fsil as well...without even meeting her face to face! That was rather nerve wracking for me, but it's a really nice gesture. Even if she is uncomfortable and says no, (which I doubt she would unless money is an issue) it's really nice to be thought of as someone you would like to honor on your wedding day. good luck! 
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  • You could ask her with your Fiance'

    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
  • FI actually asked his sisters to be my BMs and I asked my best friend and cousin to be his GM.. That's probably wrong etiquette, but I wanted the BMs to knwo that it was important to their brother that they be involved..

    i've recently seen some really pretty cards.. Maybe you could buy or make a card and take the time to write something really nice about how nice it would be for you to have her as your BM and how even though you haven't been given the opportunity to get to know each other as well ad you'd like, you'd like this to be a way for you to start.. I know I'm pretty awkward on the phone but a hand-written card always touches my heart!
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  • You still have PLENTY of time, if your wedding isn't for another year. Next time she is visiting invite her out for drinks or lunch so that you can start to get to know her better. Break the ice and if you still want her in the wedding party then ask her, when it is closer to the wedding.
  • deb84deb84 member
    First Comment
    I was very nervous about asking my FSIL as well.  I asked her in a card which I gave her in person.  She was very excited to be asked and said yes. Just be prepared for her to say no or even to need time to think about it.  I know a lot of women who have had someone they asked to be a BM say no.  (I had a bridesmaid drop out after saying yes.) It hurts but try not to take it personally.  Some people just aren't into weddings, some don't like to be in the spotlight, others don't want to spend the required money.  Just ask. :)
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  • edited April 2011
    I asked my FSIL to be my BM via text because we happened to be chatting at the time about the wedding.

    I wasn't sure she'd say yes, because she's had some medical problems lately so I made sure she knew that I wouldn't be upset if she said no.

    Also, part of the reason I asked via text is so she could have time to think about it if she wanted without having to tell me she needed time to think about it (because some people get really awkward about that.)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nervous-asking-fsil-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3db4cc38-2edb-4d03-add6-eb0d23086a68Post:19ddb425-4f6d-4cd4-80fd-932f750876ff">Re: nervous about asking FSIL to be BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]I asked my FSIL to be my BM via text because we happened to be chatting at the time about the wedding. I wasn't sure she'd say yes, because she's had some medical problems lately so I made sure she knew that I wouldn't be upset if she said no. Also, part of the reason I asked via text is so she could have time to think about it if she wanted without having to tell me she needed time to think about it (because some people get really awkward about that.)
    Posted by KelaRenee[/QUOTE]


    This is always me... I get so nervous in situations and I don't know how to ask for time to think and I often end up inserting my foot in my mouth.. that's part of the reason I think doing it in writing (like a card) is nice because it gives people process time.
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    image 17 are missing out!!
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  • I was really nervous about asking my two FSIL's to be part of the bridal party, and honestly, I expected the latter to decline. But both are local and I see them quite often, even if I'm not super super close to them... I felt it was important they be incuded, especially since FI has asked my little brother to be a GM.

    FSIL #1 (FI's little sister) just giggled and said he'd already mentioned something in passing (the brat!) and that she'd be honored to.

    FSIL#2 (FI's SIL... older brother's wife) to my surprise said she'd be happy to stand up in our wedding.


    Just go ahead and ask :) What's the worst thing that will happen? She'll say no. Which in the scheme of things, really isn't that big of a deal. I'm sure she'll be honored that you thought to include her.
  • edited April 2011
    I was nervous about asking my FSIL too. Her and I are not close so I wasn't sure how she would feel about being my BM. I knew that I wanted to though and I knew I didn't want to regret not asking her. I asked her in person and she said yes. I had one of those BM cookies made for her with a nice sentiment written on it.

    Since you won't be seeing her anytime soon then I would just call her up. You'll feel so much better after you call her. If she says no, don't get hurt by it. Its ok if she doesn't want to. But i understand- of course you want her to say yes. Call her and ask her.
  • You can find some very pretty/cute/neat cards to ask someone to be in your wedding.  I think tinyprints.com has some real nice ones.  Put some thought in it though, and mention how you look forward to getting to know her better throught the wedding planning, etc.
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