bridesmaid sizes

suzyaggie08

I really want to have my closest friends as a bridesmaid, but I'm becoming concerned with logistics of it. I hate to sound mean, but one of my close friends from elementary school is over size 40 and I do not know how to accomodate this with the other bridesmaids who are sizes 6-10. I feel bad because I was the MOH in her wedding, but I do not know how to accomodate dresses for such diverse sizes. I want her in my wedding, but I also want all the dresses to match. What should I do? I know wedding boutiques have colors schemes, but I don't think they go that large. I was also thinking about looking into custom dying and alterations, but that would get expensive for everyone. Any suggestions?

zizibet

There are some lines that do go that large. There's a salon in Phoenix that specializes in plus size brides and bridesmaids, and they have a variety of dresses from companies. You should be fine. I'd suggest calling them.
It's called Strut.
http://strutbridalsalon.com/

kmmssg

What you do is give up on the idea of matching dresses.  That is the only thing causing the issue here.

Pick a color and lenght and let your girls take it from there.  Your friend has an idea of where she can go to find a dress and this will let all of your girls find a dress that really flatters each one.  

It will come down to a choice - do you want her in your wedding or do you want matching dresses?

loca4pook

She is a close friend so please don't let her size get you down and certainly do not exclude her purely based on size.

I would definitely call ahead and ask shops what is the largest size they can accomodate to avoid humiliation for her when going into a shop and finding out there is now way they can get her a dress (also to save you the headache of trying on dresses for no reason if you insist on having them match).

Bridal shops are good about finding dresses for girls of all sizes.

If she is going to be your MOH, perhaps she can have a different dress than bridesmaids bbut in the same color? it might actually be the easiest solution.

Good Luck.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sizes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4254867b-da6c-4982-8184-e29bf24389e9Post:68fbb413-90ed-444c-a10e-e0b69d362f54">Re: bridesmaid sizes</a>:
[QUOTE]What you do is give up on the idea of matching dresses.  That is the only thing causing the issue here. Pick a color and lenght and let your girls take it from there.  Your friend has an idea of where she can go to find a dress and this will let all of your girls find a dress that really flatters each one.   It will come down to a choice - do you want her in your wedding or do you want matching dresses?
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. To me, there is nothing wrong with having matching dresses UNLESS that alienates someone or causes them to not be in your wedding. Then you have issues. You should not pick a dress style over your friend. Just tell them color and length and let them do their thing.

daveANDkristen

Ditto everything that Retread said. I also wanted to add, if you still want her to be a BM/MOH when the time comes and she's still a larger size, try the shop where she bought her wedding dress. If they sell bridal styles in her size they probably sell BM dresses that would work for her too.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sizes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4254867b-da6c-4982-8184-e29bf24389e9Post:68fbb413-90ed-444c-a10e-e0b69d362f54">Re: bridesmaid sizes</a>:
[QUOTE]What you do is give up on the idea of matching dresses.  That is the only thing causing the issue here. Pick a color and lenght and let your girls take it from there.  Your friend has an idea of where she can go to find a dress and this will let all of your girls find a dress that really flatters each one.   It will come down to a choice - do you want her in your wedding or do you want matching dresses?
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

<div>100%. </div>

RaptorSLH

So she's a larger woman, and has already been married herself?  I'd bet money *she* knows what dress designers carry her size.  Why not ask her?   Speaking as a plus-size recent bride myself, I know I'm fat.  I'd rather have a friend tell me she wants me in her wedding, and she wants me to look beautiful and feel comfortable, what shops do I recommend, than have her avoid the topic for fear of offending me and end up squeezed into an unflattering dress or embarassed by stores that can't acommodate me.

I agree that if your date is 2015, it's too soon to worry much, and you may want to give up matching dresses.  The odds of the same style looking flattering on a size 6 and a size 40 aren't good.  Heck, even a pair of size 6s can conflict if their proportions are different.  If you pick the same color and the same fabric, they will coordinate.

Barbiiieee

I seriously hope you consider your friend's feelings to be more important than matching dresses. Find a bridesmaids line that carries her size. Find out where she shops frequently and research your options there. Choose a fabric and a color and let your girls choose their own. In the grand scheme of things, I bet you'll be looking back on your wedding memories and you'll be thinking about who was there, not what they wore. Not asking someone to be in your wedding party because of how they look is a bridezilla move, IMO.

Peledreamsofrain

Kicking a woman out of your bridal party because of a physical feature is an aweful, shallow, terrible thing to do. Under no circumstances should you do this. Especially since it would only take the barest amount of research and effort to find a designer that offers plus sizes. I agree that you should delicately ask her for her opinion, she knows where to find clothes her size. I know that the plus sized BM in my party immediately pointed out that Dessy carries plus sizes.

RaptorSLH

Um guys?  Finding "plus sizes" takes some work.  Finding size 40+ much harder than that.  At that point, you're larger than David's Bridal, Alfred Angelo, or Lane Bryant can handle.  Strut, the store someone pointed out above, advertizes dresses up to size 32.  Dessy goes up to size 30.  Bridal salons do NOT always know how to fit plus size customers - just ask anyone on the plus-sized board.

I appreciate the support for her friend, but can we not be so insulting about it?  Finding dresses in that range is NOT a trivial question

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sizes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4254867b-da6c-4982-8184-e29bf24389e9Post:bb04b943-d27c-44d3-999a-dfe28f42cfed">Re: bridesmaid sizes</a>:
[QUOTE]Um guys?  Finding "plus sizes" takes some work.  Finding size 40+ much harder than that.  At that point, you're larger than David's Bridal, Alfred Angelo, or Lane Bryant can handle.  Strut, the store someone pointed out above, advertizes dresses up to size 32.  Dessy goes up to size 30.  Bridal salons do NOT always know how to fit plus size customers - just ask anyone on the plus-sized board. I appreciate the support for her friend, but can we not be so insulting about it?  Finding dresses in that range is NOT a trivial question
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

I really can't disagree more with this.  I would spend a lot more than just a passing effort on having my close friend up there with me, and I would spend even MORE effort to avoid hurting her unecessarily.

Hinting in any way, shape, or form that you are excluding a woman because she's 'too fat' is devistating to their self-esteme.  Why would any friend want to do that when all it takes is some effort to avoid it? 

RaptorSLH

I didn't say she should drop her friend, Pele.  Your previous post agreed with the advice in mine, so surely you realize that.

When I say bridal shops don't always know how to handle a size 40...they didn't know how to handle me, and I'm a size 28.  You don't want her to hurt her friend?  What do you think happens if she picks one of the brands being recommended because they carry plus sizes, only to be told she's too big for them?

Insulting the OP isn't going to help her find a solution.  Trivializing the difficulty of finding a dress in that size range isn't going to help the OP, either.  That is what I am objecting to.  She didn't post here looking for an excuse, she came looking for a way to make it happen.  That doesn't deserve to be insulted the way it has been.  Some of this advice actually makes the situation worse.

You disagree with me?  You think it takes "the barest amount of research"? Start naming designers that carry sizes above 40.

[Deleted User]

I think it's great that you want her to be a part of your bridal party. But I do agree with others that you are concerend about this earlier then you need to. I would wait more until the 2014 to pick out your bridesmaid and worrying about the dresses. Friendships change over time and like one poster said, so do people sizes. When it gets closer and you do ask her, if she is still that large, then ask her if she knows of a store that you two can go look at dresses for her.

I also agree it might be a lot easier to pick a length for the dress and a color & let the girls pick out whatever they want that looks good on them & works in their budget. If the lengths and colors are the same, it will still look uniform & wonderful.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sizes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4254867b-da6c-4982-8184-e29bf24389e9Post:4c221f1b-30f1-4dfc-958b-a710a30c26c8">Re: bridesmaid sizes</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't say she should drop her friend, Pele.  Your previous post agreed with the advice in mine, so surely you realize that. When I say bridal shops don't always know how to handle a size 40...they didn't know how to handle me, and I'm a size 28.  You don't want her to hurt her friend?  What do you think happens if she picks one of the brands being recommended because they carry plus sizes, only to be told she's too big for them? Insulting the OP isn't going to help her find a solution.  Trivializing the difficulty of finding a dress in that size range isn't going to help the OP, either.   That is what I am objecting to.  She didn't post here looking for an excuse, she came looking for a way to make it happen.  That doesn't deserve to be insulted the way it has been.  Some of this advice actually makes the situation worse . You disagree with me?  You think it takes "the barest amount of research"? Start naming designers that carry sizes above 40.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

I never said that you told her to drop her as a friend.  I'm not sure where you got that information, but it is not accurate. 

I am also not certain why you are so unhappy with me for telling the OP to do the same thing that you did (which you pointed out.)  Everything I have said is "If you do this, it is going to hurt her feelings, and is a nasty thing to do."

Also, the reason that I went there is that the OP had it in her original posting, which I'm very certain has been altered when she realized how nasty it was coming across.  I distinctly remember her talking about kicking the poor woman out.

I'm sorry that you're so offended, but I stand my assertions, and don't believe that hypothetical statements equal an attack on the OP.  I'm not sure how it's insulting, because I never EVER said "OP, you're a jerk".  I said "if you do this without talking to her, you'll be a jerk".  Big difference. 

Peledreamsofrain

Also, I decided to take up your challenge.  In approxomately 30 seconds, Google yeilded numerous websites with bridesmaids dresses in size 40 simply by typing in "size 40 bridesmaids dresses".  My favorite site so far is www.onestopplus.com.

So yes, I stand by my statement of 'barest effort' as well.  Certainly the bare minimum effort due to a good friend.  I'm not sure why that idea is offensive, but if it is, then so be it, I'm offensive.

Summer2011Bride

Also, I think you are ignoring that a few of us, myself included, suggested to OP to tell the friends a color/length (and I'd be fine with even just saying color) and let the girls find their own dresses. As a size 40, this BM probably knows what shops/websites carry her size. She obviously has other clothes she wears day-to-day. Giving her a color to work with and telling her to find a dress in that shade that she likes and is comfortable in is more than reasonable IMO.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sizes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4254867b-da6c-4982-8184-e29bf24389e9Post:c0983ea9-14fc-438a-b6ff-af7394a1a787">Re: bridesmaid sizes</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I think you are ignoring that a few of us, myself included, suggested to OP to tell the friends a color/length (and I'd be fine with even just saying color) and let the girls find their own dresses. As a size 40, this BM probably knows what shops/websites carry her size. She obviously has other clothes she wears day-to-day. Giving her a color to work with and telling her to find a dress in that shade that she likes and is comfortable in is more than reasonable IMO.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

This exactly. 

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]In approxomately 30 seconds, Google yeilded numerous websites with bridesmaids dresses in size 40 simply by typing in "size 40 bridesmaids dresses".  My favorite site so far is <a href="http://www.onestopplus.com." rel="nofollow">www.onestopplus.com.</a> [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I did the same search.  Most of those websides are included because the "40" was there as a reference to a decade, or a measurement, or a price.  The website you recommended?  It does let you search by dress size, but while the search feature says 6x=42/44, the product descriptions say a 6x=34/36.  I could not find a single dress that was unabiguously available above a size 40.  And even the 6x selection is a small fraction of their total line.  Try again.
</div>

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sizes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4254867b-da6c-4982-8184-e29bf24389e9Post:ffa64523-9df7-4900-9bb4-7c1c44c38343">Re: bridesmaid sizes</a>:
[QUOTE]I did the same search.  Most of those websides are included because the "40" was there as a reference to a decade, or a measurement, or a price.  The website you recommended?  It does let you search by dress size, but while the search feature says 6x=42/44, the product descriptions say a 6x=34/36.  I could not find a single dress that was unabiguously available above a size 40.  And even the 6x selection is a small fraction of their total line.  Try again.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

<div align="left">I was able to find several items on that website in size 40+, I'm not sure why you are so focused on proving that the OP is doomed to ostracizing her friend because of a physical feature.  She's not doomed, and all she has to do is a little research, and talk with her friend to have her in the wedding.  Why is that so distasteful to you? Every point I bring up to find a resolution or rebut your doom and gloom approach, you ignore in favor of just saying 'nope, impossible".

I'm sure you'll say it's impossible to have a dress custom made, or have it altered by a seamstress as well to add panels with new material.

You seem very negative towards trying to accomodate plus-sized people.   That's fine as a personal view, but I don't think it's fair to discourage other people from trying to treat their friends with proper respect and inclusiveness.  Nothing you can say will sway me away from the idea that friends deserve  time and effort to make them comfortable, and to include them.  Sorry, you just can't convince me otherwise. </div>

BubbsNBubbs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sizes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4254867b-da6c-4982-8184-e29bf24389e9Post:c3a46490-9175-4e13-8ca4-5dce31e0b555">Re: bridesmaid sizes</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I decided to take up your challenge.  In approxomately 30 seconds, Google yeilded numerous websites with bridesmaids dresses in size 40 simply by typing in "size 40 bridesmaids dresses".  My favorite site so far is <a href="http://www.onestopplus.com." rel="nofollow">www.onestopplus.com.</a> So yes, I stand by my statement of 'barest effort' as well.  Certainly the bare minimum effort due to a good friend.  I'm not sure why that idea is offensive, but if it is, then so be it, I'm offensive.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Speaking as a size 28-30 woman....it's extremely hard to find good fitting clothes that fit your body type.  I can wear a 26 shirt...but have to wear a 30/32 pants.  Can you see where that would be difficult to find a flattering dress?

Also, onestopplus has some great plus size clothes, however MANY of them only go up to a 26 and rarely do you find offerings for a size 40.

Finding flattering clothes is much harder for a plus size woman...MUCH harder.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sizes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4254867b-da6c-4982-8184-e29bf24389e9Post:3ff4a673-57e7-4be2-923a-1cb50484ed17">Re: bridesmaid sizes</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaid sizes : Speaking as a size 28-30 woman....it's extremely hard to find good fitting clothes that fit your body type.  I can wear a 26 shirt...but have to wear a 30/32 pants.  Can you see where that would be difficult to find a flattering dress? Also, onestopplus has some great plus size clothes, however MANY of them only go up to a 26 and rarely do you find offerings for a size 40. Finding flattering clothes is much harder for a plus size woman...MUCH harder.
Posted by BubbsNBubbs[/QUOTE]

Oh for goodness sake.  So you think that exonnerates a friend from even TRYING to accomodate her friend?  I call bs on that.  I am a lady who has different measurements all over, and a very unusual body shape.  If some friend of mine excluded me from their wedding because of some whiny half-baked excuse that I would have made matching dresses hard, I would be embarrassed, shocked, hurt, and just plain floored.  That's not something a friend would do.  "But it's haaaaaaaaaard to match dresses because you're fat". Hrm, that seems right up the alley of the golden rule.

I had bridesmaids that were all over the board body-shape wise.  Two girls were plus-sized, and one was petite.  You know what I did?  I put their comfort and happiness first.  I told them to find dresses in a certain length, and a certain color.  Everything else was up to them.  Cost, fabric, cut, design, EVERYTHING.  Because a woman who is comfortable, happy, and confident in how she looks is SO much more beautiful than an uncomfortable clone.

Like I said, sorry, can't convince me to be terrible to my friends and ostracize them because their bodies aren't ideal, and require a little extra work for me.  Too bad for me, they deserve the effort.

Jessa617

Please listen to Retread. If you don't believe what picking a bridal party too soon can do, read through some of the other threads on this board. The majority of horrible situations arising was because a bridal party was picked too soon. I understand you are excited and just want to pick your girls, but please please PLEASE wait until you are closer (MUCH closer) to the wedding. The bridal party doesn't need to pick out dresses until a couple months before and if they end up planning any showers/bachelorette parties as a favor to you, that is all done within a few months of the wedding too. Start coming up with ideas and colors for your wedding all you want...just wait to pick the bridal party. That is my only advice to you.

negirls009

http://www.lucybridaldress.com/mori-lee-wedding-dresses-style-1912_p2786.html

Size is perfect!

cassie409

Hi, I suggest you the JenJenHouse.com. You could make their dressmakers customize the sizes for you and make them use one roll of fabric to make the dresses to ensure the color match.

Recently, they are holding an activity on their FB for the coming White Day. You could go an have a look.