Wedding Party

Sister In Law

Should I put my sister in law in my wedding party just because she is my fiance's sister? He doesn't really care for her and I'm ok with her but neither of us have a wonderful relationship with his family. I would rather put a good friend in but I dont want to regret it later in life. Let me know what ya think.

Re: Sister In Law

  • In Response to Sister In Law:
    Should I put my sister in law in my wedding party just because she is my fiance's sister? He doesn't really care for her and I'm ok with her but neither of us have a wonderful relationship with his family. I would rather put a good friend in but I dont want to regret it later in life. Let me know what ya think.
    Posted by christinagart
    You're not required to ask her to be a part of the wedding. Sometimes girls extend the spot to a FSIL to get to know each other better, but I've seen both good and bad stories. It's all up to you, though I think it would be a nice gesture.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    edited February 2010
    I'd go with whatever option causes the least headache.  If it will be major drama to not ask her, ask her.  If she really doesn't care, don't ask her.  I do think it's a nice gesture to someone who will be family long after the wedding.

    FWIW, I asked my sister who was an awful MOH (I don't have any SIL) and I don't regret it for a second.  Having an obligatory family member is not the end of the world.  And no, if you ask her your FI doesn't have to ask someone to even up the sides--many people here had uneven sides, and I'll bet some weddings you've been to had uneven sides, you just didn't notice.  Put the people you want in the wedding regardless of numbers.  Your FSIL vs. good friend is a choice that needn't be made--you can ask them both.  People are more important than numbers.
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  • I really appreciate this, I do believe it is a nice gesture I think my main problem is his family wanting to make decisions if/when I do ask her. They are not the nicest people and while she and I are ok I dont want them to assume they will have the upper hand in this wedding. That's something my fiance is afraid of but I think it would be fine in the end. I think wedding planning is going to be somewhat stressful anyway... so I think it would probably be best to ask her.
  • Good luck!  Have FI run interference if his parents become too overbearing.  But I think it's nice of you not to "punish" her for the behaviour of her parents.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    edited February 2010
    If you want to run the control issues, be careful how you talk about the wedding.  Don't frame things like, "We're thinking of X," just say, "We're doing X."  If they say you should do it another way, just say, "Thanks for the suggestion, we'll definitely have to think about it."  And change the subject.

    If you ask her to be a bridesmaid (or a groomswoman, mixed gender parties are becoming quite common), then you can either just give all of your girls some basic guidelines for the dress and let them choose their own (meaning you don't have to spend too much time fighting with her over it), or choose a few different dresses that people might like (within their price ranges) and let them vote.  That way any possible personality conflicts have the least possible chance of flaring up in the process.
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  • I agree that it might be wise to include her if it will prevent a hard feeling or a fight.

    I also think it might be a good idea for her to wear a black dress and stand on your FI's side.

    If you wind up including her in the bridal party, I would not expect anything more from her than to get the outfit and stand up in the ceremony. (Not that you should really "expect" anything more from your other attendants, but I'm pointing out that the less you expect, the less disappointed you will be.)
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