MOH problems... HELP.

soontobehanby

I have been engaged and planning my wedding for 5 months now.  My MOH got engaged two weeks ago and settled on a date...2 weeks before my wedding.  I am now upset that I will have no MOH to help me with wedding duties and will now be helping her finish up her wedding details 2 weeks before my own wedding, when I will have stuff that needs to be done myself.  What do I do?!

Maggie0829

First, what wedding duties does your MOH need to help you with?  Your MOH is required to buy the dress and show up on time and looking presentable on your wedding day, that is it.  This goes for you as well if you are her MOH.

If you need help, you should ask your FI becasue it is his wedding too.

soontobehanby

She was supposed to plan my Bachelorette party, but she will be on her honeymoon instead now.

Maggie0829

Well then I guess someone else will have to take over the planning.

ETA:  And if no one does then you just won't have a bach party.  It isn't the end of the world.  Instead of harping on what she won't be able to do for you, why not just be happy for your friend?

aerinpegadrak

You get one day, she gets one day.  As long as she's not getting married ON your wedding, you have nothing to complain about.

And not everyone gets a bachelorette party.  Life goes on.

jjswin

One of my BM is getting married a week before me, I picked my date first. I could careless as long as she is happy. You have other BM, have them "help" with things they can and want to.

soontobehanby

You all act as if I am not happy for her! I am sooo happy for her! I love her and her fiance! I was really excited that we would be planning our weddings together and working with each other to help each other out.  I am so bummed that I can't help her either. that is what we BOTH wanted.  I am just a little hurt that she chose a date so close, because now we BOTH can't help EACH OTHER.  I am happy for her, please don't think that I am not.

pomundson0

I got engaged after one of my best friends, I didn't want to jump in front of her so I checked with her before setting our date (two weeks after hers).  That's kinda sucky your friend jumped in front like that  Planning together has been a lot of fun, it's also easier on my other friends because I don't feel like I'm smothering them with wedding talk when I have someone who I can always ping ideas off of.  Try to have fun with it  A double bach party could be fun!!  Are you eachother's MOHs?

aerinpegadrak

Your first post asked what you do.  The answer is that you do nothing.  You smile, congratulate her, and go about planning your wedding as you would have done.  Your friends' lives will continue during your engagement and they're not necessarily going to have the time, resources, or inclination to help you plan your party, nor are they obligated to do so, regardless of their reasons.  You offer to see if there's something you can help your friend with as you're willing and able, and you accept any such offers from her if there's anything for her to do.

But really, planning a wedding is not that complicated.  It's a six hour party.  It need not be a full-time occupation for either of you, and if it starts becoming a full-time thing, you're not managing it properly.  There should be no reason that you shouldn't still have time to spend together as friends, and if that time gets spent talking about your respective weddings, great.  The person you should be doing most of your planning with is your FI.  Even if your MOH weren't planning her own wedding, she's still not the one who should be planning yours.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-problems-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5cd5a478-851b-4830-b74e-58ebdf9414adPost:66ffba19-24b4-4ce2-abb1-d3399440989e">Re: MOH problems... HELP.</a>:
[QUOTE]She was supposed to plan my Bachelorette party, but she will be on her honeymoon instead now.
Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>You do realize this is not something she is "supposed" to do, right?  It's an optional party that they can throw for you, if they so choose. The wedding industry likes to lead you to believe that it's a requirement, but at the end of the day it's just purchase the requisite dress, appear at the appointed time, and show up on time at the venue.  Anything more is purely a bonus.</div>

soontobehanby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-problems-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5cd5a478-851b-4830-b74e-58ebdf9414adPost:31e4004d-e850-4f98-9120-28a023961a2c">Re: MOH problems... HELP.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems... HELP. : You do realize this is not something she is "supposed" to do, right?  It's an optional party that they can throw for you, if they so choose. The wedding industry likes to lead you to believe that it's a requirement, but at the end of the day it's just purchase the requisite dress, appear at the appointed time, and show up on time at the venue.  Anything more is purely a bonus.
Posted by cajitasazules[/QUOTE]

Well, if she offered and took on the responsibility of throwing the bachelorette party, it would then become something she is supposed to do? Right? If I said I would throw one for her, and then made plans that would prevent me from doing that, then she would be upset with me.  I did suggest a joint party like some of you suggested to me and she turned it down. She said she would just rather have her own.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-problems-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5cd5a478-851b-4830-b74e-58ebdf9414adPost:0cf1c604-6593-4a1c-bc2c-a962d6f577bd">Re: MOH problems... HELP.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems... HELP. : Well, if she offered and took on the responsibility of throwing the bachelorette party, it would then become something she is supposed to do? Right? If I said I would throw one for her, and then made plans that would prevent me from doing that, then she would be upset with me.  I did suggest a joint party like some of you suggested to me and she turned it down. She said she would just rather have her own.
Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]
I don't see how she's not going to be able to plan a bachelorette party.  It's even less complicated to plan than a wedding, which isn't that complicated in the first place.  You can throw together a decent bachelorette party in less than an afternoon of planning.  If she said that she's not doing the bachelorette party anymore, that sucks, but maybe someone else will step up for it.  Regardless, the planning of the bachelorette party is in absolutely, positively no way your concern.  Your input is to provide available dates and express any dealbreakers (like if you're uncomfortable with penis stuff or strippers).  That's it.  Everything else is on whomever is taking on the planning, and it's entirely inappropriate for you to be involved any further than that, even to express concern about whether or not it's happening.<div>
</div><div>Seriously, you need to let it go.  There's no way you can approach this that isn't petty.</div>

soontobehanby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-problems-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5cd5a478-851b-4830-b74e-58ebdf9414adPost:3c9bbe93-4ec5-49a8-8a21-1990bc856475">Re: MOH problems... HELP.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems... HELP. : I don't see how she's not going to be able to plan a bachelorette party.  It's even less complicated to plan than a wedding, which isn't that complicated in the first place.  You can throw together a decent bachelorette party in less than an afternoon of planning.  If she said that she's not doing the bachelorette party anymore, that sucks, but maybe someone else will step up for it.  Regardless, the planning of the bachelorette party is in absolutely, positively no way your concern.  Your input is to provide available dates and express any dealbreakers (like if you're uncomfortable with penis stuff or strippers).  That's it.  Everything else is on whomever is taking on the planning, and it's entirely inappropriate for you to be involved any further than that, even to express concern about whether or not it's happening. Seriously, you need to let it go.  There's no way you can approach this that isn't petty.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

So my feelings aren't allowed to be hurt because my BEST friend in the whole wide world didn't take into consideration that this might affect some plans that I had made?  I wanted her to be there to help out (YES YES I KNOW SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO) because it would be FUN to have my best friend there through out this time.  She wants me to be there to help out, I don't get why it's so horrible that I would want her to help me out.  She doesn't have to, I just thought it would be nice. But now she won't be able to. It just stings a little.  I do have others to help, my sister has stepped up to help out the the bach party.  It just hurts my feelings.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-problems-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5cd5a478-851b-4830-b74e-58ebdf9414adPost:11721ca9-0ac1-43b4-abfc-2799301f7245">Re: MOH problems... HELP.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH problems... HELP. : So my feelings aren't allowed to be hurt because my BEST friend in the whole wide world didn't take into consideration that this might affect some plans that I had made?  I wanted her to be there to help out (YES YES I KNOW SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO) because it would be FUN to have my best friend there through out this time.  She wants me to be there to help out, I don't get why it's so horrible that I would want her to help me out.  She doesn't have to, I just thought it would be nice. But now she won't be able to. It just stings a little.  I do have others to help, my sister has stepped up to help out the the bach party.  It just hurts my feelings.
Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]
Yes, you're allowed to be hurt.  But then you suck it up and move on, because that's what adults do.  We can't get everything we want out of life, and really, she was under no obligation to take your wedding into account when planning her own.<div>
</div><div>And nothing you've said indicates that she can't help if she still wants to.  Again, because you're not getting it: planning a wedding is not that complicated, and if you're living and breathing it and can't do anything other than focus on your own wedding for the entire length of your engagement, you really need to take a step back.  It's a six hour party.  Put together food, booze, music, decorations, and you're done.  I promise you, it isn't that hard.</div>

soontobehanby

Yes, you are right. I am happy for her.  I need to just have a better attitude about this all.  Our wedding is one day, I can't get all bent out of shape over something that could ruin a friendship.  Thanks for bringing me back down to earth a bit.