Follow-up to Bridal Shower Post

amarch

I just posted a few posts down...thanks everyone for your advice there!  Sorry to drag this out...I know this isn't a bad problem to have but I'm not sure how to handle it best...

So I emailed the BM who wanted to have the tea brunch, bc she had emailed me directly asking whether I prefered her idea vs. having it at a BMs house.  Here's what I emailed her: 

"Thanks for checking-in with me again about this...you guys are all awesome:)  I really love both ideas...tea brunch vs. garden party is a pretty impossible decision:)   I would hate to feel like you all are having to spend too much money taking everyone out to brunch, so I'm thinking if everyone's ok with [BM]'s place it could be just as perfect!  I'm sure whatever you end up doing will be great - I'm just excited to have all of you there...[random non-wedding talk]"

She write me back...

"OK, that’s fine.  Just thought it might be easier on everyone planning wise and cheaper.  I didn’t feel you needed to know the prices.  Some extra thoughts to digest: costs will add up with catering, etc.  Not sure if the girls realize this.  If they know of ways to get creative that can help a lot!  I have some ideas I got from a co-worker who did a tea theme bridal shower too.  Let me know what your final decision is."
 
Now what???  I wish I could just write "talk to them, not me!".  (last sentence bolded and underlined by me, not her)

deepcovejackie

You might want to follow up with something like...hmmm, I don't know.  Oh sorry i've lost my thought, my brain just melted.  Let me think about it, this one is tough!

deepcovejackie

What about suggesting that she get ahold of the other WP members, and discuss her concerns with them?  I know communication between them has been a bit of an issue.  How about suggesting they flip a coin?  I don't know.  You know as well as we do that you shouldn't be making the decision here.  Just don't know how to phrase that nicely...

Anyone?  Anyone?

banana468

"I think this is up for you guys to handle.  I really appreciate everything you're wanting to do, but I really feel like I have to stay out of this."

amarch

Haha.. "Anyone? Anyone?" is exactly how I feel right now...Not to mention I feel a little silly asking people how to talk to my closest friends.  In pretty much any other situation I would be much more blunt with them...  

I almost added to the email "Maybe you guys could take a vote," but I didn't bc I wasn't sure that was my place either. 

suz62984

Could they do a combination of the two?  I would probably just say. "Well since I don't know the prices I will leave the final decision up to you and the other bridesmaids. Both ideas sound great; I know with whatever we do it will be a great day. Thank you so much for planning and being awesome!"

And Kudos on the email you sent her. It sounded great.

deepcovejackie

There.  Thanks Banana.  What Banana said.

amarch

Thanks!  Ok I just emailed her back something similar to what Banana said.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to say that but oh well.  I don't know how having a party thrown FOR me by 6 awesome girls is turning out to be so stressful...I think I'm letting myself get too stressed about it bc I want all my BMs to get along and feel good about the shower.  Anyway thanks again for letting me vent!

gottahavashorti

Why would they need to have it catered?

Ditto banana.  And maybe tell them "if you're having trouble coming to a decision, why not just take a vote and majority rules?"  Unless you think it is a financial issue for them.

aerinpegadrak

Honestly, at this point, I think you're justified in saying something like, "I'd really just rather leave the planning up to you guys and have it be a surprise.  As long as you're all happy with the party, I'm sure I'll be thrilled with it."  Just make it politely but firmly clear that you really don't want to keep getting dragged into it.

swim1011

Ditto on why does it need to be catered?  I've been to a bunch of bridal showers, and the BMs either made a bunch of food (sometimes for lunch, depending on what time of day it was), or it was a potluck, and everyone was happy to pitch in.  It doesn't need to a be a five course dinner.

amarch

I have no idea why she mentioned catering, as I've been staying out of the planning and no one mentioned catering when they were "discussing" it with me.  You're right, that seems unnecessary.

Anyway, she hasn't emailed me again since yesterday afternoon when I wrote her saying I appreciated everything but felt like I had to stay out of it since they were the hosts (thanks Banana!), so hopefully she gets it now.

Now I'll just cross my fingers for them figuring this out without getting mad at each other...

hsunij

thats strange.... I hope it turns out okay. I'm just suprised that they had it up to you and didnt just figure it out on their own within their own means.