Matron of Honor cannot make it now. :( Do I ask another BM?

lw2381

Hi,

My dear friend since childhood who was supposed to be my Matron of Honor can no longer come to the wedding due to personal and financial hardships. It's heartbreaking but I understand.

I have a large wedding party and another one of my BM has gone above and beyond in helping me and planning my shower and B party. Is it bad to ask her to be a Matron of Honor at this point or should I not have one?

I don't want to make it look like I am replacing my other friend, but I feel I also need to choose someone to stand closest to me and help me with bouquet and dress etc. This other friend has been so amazing and helped with basically everything.

What would you do? Leave things as they are, or ask the other friend to be a Matron of Honor now? I don't want her to fill like she's a back up plan though either.

Any advice would be great as I need to figure this out quick. I am getting married in 7 weeks.

Thanks so much!!!

loop0406

Almost everyone here will tell you not to replace the Matron of Honor.

gottahavashorti

Don't have one.  The person standing closest to you can help with things like the bouquet and dress.  Or one can hold the bouquet, another can straighten your train and another can sign the marriage license if that's required in your state.

suz62984

Is there nothing you can do to help the MOH financially? Maybe pay for her dress or offer to pay for her travel?

I wouldn't replace her with the title; however I would probably have her stand closet to me at the wedding if you really feel that strongly about your friendship. Don't just have her stand closest to you because she likes to help with the planning.

emilyinchile

Don't give anyone else the title - your MOH can still be listed in the program as honorary MOH. One thing I've seen suggested on here that I like is to send her the bouquet anyway (or just a flower arrangement), especially if she's going through some hard stuff.

You'll need to figure out who you want to sign the license, if applicable, but the stuff like holding your bouquet and straightening your train can be done by anyone. If you're doing a rehearsal, you can figure out then who'll be next to you.

bablingbrooke

You are just as married without a MOH as you are with one, so there is no need to replace her.  List her as honorary MOH in the program if you want.  One of the other BMs can help with the bouquet and dress--whoever stands closest.  I bet you anything that one will volunteer to do so.   Another BM can sign the license for you.  This is the sort of thing you don't worry about at all, and at the most would ask of someone the day of the wedding. 

mbcdefg

I wouldn't have her be the one standing next to you just because she was kind enough to be super-helpful. I also would not give whoever DOES end up standing next to you the MOH title.

How many bridesmaids do you have left? You may be able to give them each a "duty" - stand next to you during the ceremony, sign the license, stand next to you in photos.

I think it'd be more appropriate to thank the very helpful BM by taking her to dinner or giving her a nice gift/note in private, rather than name her the new MOH.

CTGirl30

Leave things as they are - don't ask someone else to be MOH. You already have a MOH - she just can't be there for the wedding day. List her in the program, send her the boquet...

And just have whomever would end up second in lineup do the dress fluff and hold your flowers. It's not a big deal. My girls lined up by height so the tallest was next to me (I'm 5'9") and she held my flowers, etc. Any witness can sign the marriage license.

MOH isn't an "award" for best helper - so please don't name the other girl that for that reason and take it away from your friend who can't be there. Take the other girl to lunch or thank her privately for doing all she's doing for you. Key word is privately.

trix1223

Sorry your friend can't make it.  Don't replace her, because you really don't need to.  You asked your friend to be MOH, I assume because she was your closest friend.  That's all the MOH is, in the end.

Have one friend sign the license.  (Although that's not required in all states)   Have someone else hold the flowers.  Have another give a toast if she'd like. 

Thank the "super BM" privately.  And enjoy your wedding!

I like the idea of sending your MOH her bouquet as a ty for her friendship!

aerinpegadrak

My MOH didn't know until about two days before the wedding if she was going to be able to make it, and that was even with me paying her gas money and hotel.  I told her that she was still my MOH even if she couldn't be there.  She cried.

Yeah, she might not care if you replace her.  But why would you risk it?

Trishes

I would leave it as is and just send the one who's going above and beyond a special thank you, or give her something extra.

laura_fett

I would leave her as an Honorary MOH, and like others have said, split up the tasks like holding the bouquet, signing, dress etc. between your BM.