How to deal with a crazy bride?

StephBeanWed61502

Tiff, I mostly agree with you, but I don't think "well I'll just pay the difference" necessarily solves the problem, and I do think the bride was kind of a flake for assuming that it would without checking and getting herself into this mess in the first place.  Some people are profoundly uncomfortable with accepting money from others, for a whole host of reasons, and Brided owed it to BM to check with her before assuming that BM would be totally fine with accepting $100+ from Bride.  Personally, I'd probably drop out of a wedding before accepting that kind of money from a friend, even if it was offered with the best of intentions. 

That said, BM is being a jerk too by turning this whole situation into such a big freaking deal.  Either accept Bride's offer to pay, or tell Bride you're not comfortable with doing so and would be happy to either order a different dress of Bride's choosing within your budget or to step down as you can't afford Bride's desired dress, and move on.  If a BM were to tell me she was stepping down because she couldn't afford the dress and wasn't comfortable with me paying for it, you can bet I'd be coming up with a solution post-haste to keep her in the wedding, even if she ended up in a different dress from the others, but that's Bride's call to make, BM can't make it for her.

It doesn't actually matter who's "right" here (and actually, neither of you are), all that matters is what each person is comfortable doing.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-deal-with-a-crazy-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a8efe59-58c1-42fb-8a7f-8bd8833946b4Post:3eb2210d-10fa-4fc9-a9a6-93c12446096f">Re: How to deal with a crazy bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]Tiff, I mostly agree with you, but I don't think "well I'll just pay the difference" necessarily solves the problem, and I do think the bride was kind of a flake for assuming that it would without checking and getting herself into this mess in the first place.  Some people are profoundly uncomfortable with accepting money from others, for a whole host of reasons, and Brided owed it to BM to check with her before assuming that BM would be totally fine with accepting $100+ from Bride.  Personally, I'd probably drop out of a wedding before accepting that kind of money from a friend, even if it was offered with the best of intentions.  That said, BM is being a jerk too by turning this whole situation into such a big freaking deal.  Either accept Bride's offer to pay, or tell Bride you're not comfortable with doing so and would be happy to either order a different dress of Bride's choosing within your budget or to step down as you can't afford Bride's desired dress, and move on.  If a BM were to tell me she was stepping down because she couldn't afford the dress and wasn't comfortable with me paying for it, you can bet I'd be coming up with a solution post-haste to keep her in the wedding, even if she ended up in a different dress from the others, but that's Bride's call to make, BM can't make it for her. It doesn't actually matter who's "right" here (and actually, neither of you are), all that matters is what each person is comfortable doing.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

I agree!  Good points!

Fancypantsamy

OP, I am so glad I'm not your 'friend'. You seem really angry for no reason. 

Do you even like the bride? Do you ever think of anyone except yourself? 

AdeleDazeem

This all feels a little .... convenient. 

I don't think this is a chance encounter.



I also think bridesmaid here, if real, is crazy cakes.

LDubHawksFan

haha, this was a very entertaining read!  I think that the OP was a little low on her estimate, but that is her right.  However she is very judgmental about the bride, especially after finding out about her post.  OP, I think you should also be aware that you are posting amongst a lot of brides themselves, so for you to call your friend a crazy bride, it's kind of insulting to some of us that are realizing how expensive it really is to have a nice wedding.  I think your friend is accommodating you  but if you are this offended already, maybe you should evaluate whether you can/want to be in the wedding.

mtbentley

I can just see each girl picking out all the comments saying she is right and using them to attack the other. "this one said you shouldn't have done it that way!" "but that one said I did everything I was supposed to!".....

What a mess.

OP, don't forget to include a link to this post to that email, you know about her gossiping so it's only fair that she know about yours

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-deal-with-a-crazy-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a8efe59-58c1-42fb-8a7f-8bd8833946b4Post:dbc0281c-dabe-4c1f-850b-52e0a4aa99ee">Re: How to deal with a crazy bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]This all feels a little .... convenient.  <strong>I don't think this is a chance encounter.</strong> I also think bridesmaid here, if real, is crazy cakes.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  </div><div>
</div><div>It's too ridiculous and well timed to be real.  </div>

juliebug1997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-deal-with-a-crazy-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a8efe59-58c1-42fb-8a7f-8bd8833946b4Post:b852ec3b-3456-4055-a240-03e99175e212">Re: How to deal with a crazy bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to deal with a crazy bride? : WTF????????  Seriously?????  Thank you for finding this.  That settles it.<strong>If she's gossiping about how difficult I am to strangers online I think I know what I need to do.  </strong>
Posted by Bridesmaid83[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ummm, isn't that exactly what you did?</div><div>
</div><div>ETA:  and did the girls on E help her find some new dresses and she said she was going to go look at them?  OP here may want to read the whole thread before going to the bride.

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Cookies Mom

OP - you do realize that if in fact the bride that posted yesterday is your friend then she did exactly what you were advised to do and did - came to these boards for advice. She is not gossiping about you anymore than you are :gossiping" about her.
 
Your bride wants her wedding to be special and obviously that incuded having you with her on her special day. When she asked for your budget you gave her an amount that is very low (check on line or in a shop you will see what you get for $80, in most cases - yuck). When she found a dress she loved but knew you could not afford she felt that you being a part of her wedding was SO important that she was willing to make up the difference so as to not put a burden on you. Instead of freaking out you should be flattered that you are such an important person in her life.

Certainly there needed to be a little more communication here. When you gave her a budget of $80 she should have come back to you and said something like, dresses are usually more expensive than that and I totally understand that you have a budget but I really want you in my wedding - would you consider letting me pay the difference? But I don't think she intentionally went over your budget - nor do I think she should change dresses just to suit you, most likely dresses in your price range were not what she wants for her wedding. She has generously offered to cover the cost and you are acting like she shot your puppy!
 
Maybe you both need to sit down and think about why she asked you to be in her weddiong and why you accepted - isn't your friendship more important then the cost of the dress or who pays for what?

bonge

WOW, just wow. I remembered the other thread & immediately figured it out but op i have to say she was much nicer about it than you were. 

She was legitemately looking for advice to see if she was in the wrong because it seemed she was honestly surprised by your reaction. Nothing wrong with that. She was NOT gossiping. Brides come here for advice all the time so that they don't make asses out of themselves. 

Honestly you sound rude & immature. Drop out of the wedding so this friend can drop you from her life. That sounds like the best bet to me. 

As for it being too coincidental, i can see it happening. I had someone taking my posts & posting them on fb without me even knowing they were watching my every move, so it can happen easy, though i don't buy the story of "friends" mentioning this place & wedding bee seeming too like the friend, that just sounds whacked. 

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-deal-with-a-crazy-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a8efe59-58c1-42fb-8a7f-8bd8833946b4Post:897686f7-ddbd-4cb8-9496-ff41972d7710">Re: How to deal with a crazy bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, assuming the bride from yesterday is, in fact, the bride in the wedding you're posting about today, this situation has trainwreck written all over it. You're (a) judging her for how much money she's spending when it's none of your business; (b) refusing her perfectly reasonable offer to cover the difference between your stated budget and the dress on "principle" because you've apparently decided that her wedding is the appropriate time to take a stand on what you seem to view as her (and other people's) "extravagant" spending habits. She's (a) disrespectful of your stated boundaries where budget/accepting money are concerned; and (b) so caught up in having her BMs in the "perfect" dress that she's not open to any other solution than "everyone wears the dress I picked no matter what," even when she's been repeatedly warned this could cost her a friend. Oh, and you're BOTH gossiping about EACH OTHER to strangers on internet message boards, and you're actually ridiculous enough to be insulted because she's doing exactly the same thing that you're doing. See?  Trainwreck.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

Shocking, TK ate my post.

I agree with this statement 150%.
Two people gossiping about each other over the internet do not make a right.

I would not send her the link to her post, unless you want to end a friendship

shannyb41

I think she should have stayed within the budget or maybe not have gone over it by $100...thats a stretch.  Maybe like 100-120 would have been a little easier to swallow.

So, I understand being mad about that.  But its perfectly normal to have matching dresses.  I'll be doing it for my wedding.  Though, I will not be picking out the dress for my BM's....and I will stay within budget.  I'm not wearing the dress so as long as it looks nice on everyone I'll be happy.

As far as the extravagant wedding goes....like everyone has said...weddings are expensive.  I'm looking at closer to $30k when all is said and done and my wedding will be far from extravagant.  Its expensive.  Simple as that.  But the budget she has for her wedding has little to do with you.

This whole thing sounds like a mess. 

KatWAG

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-deal-with-a-crazy-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a8efe59-58c1-42fb-8a7f-8bd8833946b4Post:b852ec3b-3456-4055-a240-03e99175e212">Re: How to deal with a crazy bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to deal with a crazy bride? : WTF????????  Seriously?????  Thank you for finding this.  That settles it.  If she's gossiping about how difficult I am to strangers online I think I know what I need to do.  
Posted by Bridesmaid83[/QUOTE]


What she is gossiping about you? just like you are gossiping about her to strangers? Pot meet kettle.

gaiajuliacaesar

It is a lot to ask sometimes for someone to be your bridesmaid.  I had a friend in TX that I really wanted to be there for her and I love her so much, but I was going to have to pay roughly 200 for a dress (About the same the other 4 times I have been a bridesmaid) and lord knows what for a plane ticket, and the wedding was in the middle of the week and I would have to take time from work...I was going to back out on her but she showed me how much I meant to her by offering to get me down there.  So I agreed.  I ended up still spending a lot on the trip but I was very greatful that I got to share that special day with her.  What I am getting at, is that this girl finds you special enough to be in her WEDDING!  That is a big deal!  And yes, she should have consulted you on the budget thing before making a final decision.  That is perfectly reasonable.  Maybe she was gossiping...or maybe she was looking for advice to solve this reasonably.  Either way the two of you need to sit down and talk with civility.  It seems to me you are making this a big deal about YOU without considering that this is one of your "friend's" biggest days of their life.  Sometimes even if you are partially are wholly in the right, you need to just set it aside and accept her charity.  She obviously wants you to be a part of her day and is willing to go that extra mile for that to happen.

leahkate

It's not a financial strain, I can afford $180.  I just don't like to spend my money on stupid stuff.  

Then you should have told her no, you can't be in the wedding.  Brides everywhere pick out matching dresses. 

chrryblndchick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-deal-with-a-crazy-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a8efe59-58c1-42fb-8a7f-8bd8833946b4Post:030c0afd-bfc1-4120-85b4-d9a1ec837076">Re: How to deal with a crazy bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to deal with a crazy bride? : Reading this does make me feel like I am justified in my anger.  <strong>Even though you guys told me I was wrong, you told her that too, and I'm taking it to mean I was righ to stand my ground about her not sticking to budget.</strong>  
Posted by Bridesmaid83[/QUOTE]

OP, this is just some of the worst logic ever. Should she have initally stuck the budget you gave? Probably, but did you even read the entire post? It sounds like she is bending over backwards trying to fix it. She is in no way acting like a "crazy bride." Honestly, I feel sorry for the bride that has to deal with you, because you sound like an uber-bitch who is more worried about being right than about your friend's feelings.

DreamCLG7

i also find it funny that everyone told her (bride) yesterday that she was wrong was picking a dress over budget, and now everyone is telling this chick (bridesmaid) she's wrong for getting all worked up.

and who sets an $80 budget for a BM dress?

ajmom2two

Wow!  This is the most entertaining post I have seen in a while!  What a bunch of drama!  So glad that I am not one of the other poor bridesmaids!  I have to say I think the OP of this post is being unreasonable and not just about the dress issue.  Yes, the bride should have handled things a bit better but she is not being a crazy bridezilla.  Getting pissed bc she posted for advice, when you did the same thing, is ridiculous!  She didnt even say anything bad about you in her post.  At least not that I saw.  Maybe it would be best if you just drop out of the wedding.  Seems to fuel a bit too much drama for you.  

ajmom2two

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-deal-with-a-crazy-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a8efe59-58c1-42fb-8a7f-8bd8833946b4Post:d2413298-2ab4-4b7d-b951-cdeddfa38212">Re: How to deal with a crazy bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]i also find it funny that everyone told her (bride) yesterday that she was wrong was picking a dress over budget, and now everyone is telling this chick (bridesmaid) she's wrong for getting all worked up. and who sets an $80 budget for a BM dress?
Posted by DreamCLG7[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Why?  They are both in the wrong. The bride should have tried to find a dress in her budget (or at least closer) & talked to her about the dress being over her budget b4 having everyone else order it and the BM is being a complete drama queen about everything.   The bride making a mistake doesnt justify the BM being ridiculous and unreasonable about the situation.  
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stealthangel20

Wow...this entertained me for the last 20 minutes! Glad I didn't have this problem. I did post something on here about another family bride once....but then deleted it from fear she may be on here haha