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BM dilemma

ebbarobbebbarobb
in Wedding Party
What should I do? I adore my cousin and am so glad to be one of her bridesmaids. I just ot an email from the maid of honor informing the wedding party that the bachelorette weekend will be at a fancy resort with a spa day, etc...and I'll have to buy a plane ticket. I would have to spend over 1000 on the weekend, and I have a family to budget and save for. I hate missing out, but I also wonder what the protocol is. Should the maid of honor have consulted us first? I know several of us can't afford itmy sister included. She wants out answer by Jan 28 and payment by Feb 1. What should I do? I don't want to cause drama!
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Re: BM dilemma

  • Jager1219Jager1219 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Yea, I'd say that should have been a discussion first.  However, since it's a destination b-party, I'd just write the bride an e-mail (with the MOH CCed) and say that as much as you appreciate being included, you won't be able to make it and hope they have fun.
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  • Jager1219Jager1219 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-dilemma-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6c31824f-579b-4967-9e77-b4511fd73463Post:01467a10-04b4-457b-8104-32ffa33aded3">Re: BM dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, she should have discussed it with everyone.  Destination b-parties are a lot to ask because of the time and expense. Send the email as the person above recommends.  Tell her this is not possible for you.  If she demands money to help cover the expenses, repeat that this is not possible.  Keep repeating it, and do not cave. I doubt the rest of the wedding party will be thrilled with this, either.  Does the bride know about this????
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    I agree that they are a lot to ask for especially for that price.  If the bride knows about it, then she should already have the expectation that MOST people will not be able to attend.

    Personally, my b-party is going to be a destination.  However, it was a discussion that me and all my BMs had and not until we could get a reasonable flight/hotel room was it decided that that was the plan.  I also figured that of the 30 girls I invited, only 10 would realisticly be able to attend.  Of the responses to far, that seems to be the case.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yes, the MOH should have discussed it with everyone, but if she planned it herself then she really didn't have to.  But that doesn't mean that she shouldn't have discussed it because that is a big expense on people, but, hopefully you know what I mean.  Typically when you plan things on your own you don't ask for input from others, even though it could be a bad idea not to.

    Anyhoo, politely decline the invite.  Let her know that as much as you would love to go you just cannot financially justify the trip.  You should not have to pay one dime for a party/trip that you did not help plan.

    Some peole just don't think things out when planning parties and it sounds like the MOH may be having a wonderful spa weekend alone.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yep, just decline. That's way too much money to suddenly have to shell out for this. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • slgirl21slgirl21 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary

    that is alot of money. a b-party should be planned by all the bridal party, that is what i have done when I was a BM several times, we all a got together and discussed what we can afford and what we wanted to do, we also asked the bride for some input, not all of it, most of the brides didn't want strippers, b-parties should be a girls night out for fun, and dress up the bride go for some cocktails on a local bar and maybe some dancing, I don't like the weekend trips that's too much to ask of ppl and 1,000 dollars is alot of money and to pay so quickly. have you discussed this with any of the other BM's? what are they thouhgts? Good Luck.
    ps: decline the invite if you can not afford it.

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm assuming that the MOH emailed all of the BMs about this?  I would have no problem replying all and saying "I'm sorry, but I am unable to attend the B-party that you have planned.  I hope that you have fun."  This could start the wave that other BMs will feel more comfortable declining as well (like your sister).  You do not have to get specific in your reasoning as to why you cannot attend.

    If you would like to, I would suggest taking the bride out for dinner at a later time, as a make up b-party.  My sister and I did this for my SIL, since we couldn't make her actual b-party in North Jersey.  She and my brother came down for the weekend, so we took her out to a fun place in Philly.  She enjoy herself and my neice who was only 7 at the time and the FG, was able to attend this "b-party" too.
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